My hubby and I have been together for 8 years. We are having problems in the bedroom! Help!?

Question

He often loses his erections during lovemaking. This hurts my feelings and makes me feel unwanted and undesirable. He refuses to see a doctor telling me that nothing is wrong and that I need to quit worrying about it. He says he is afraid that the kids will wake up. I still feel like I am doing something wrong and I have tried to change things up!!! Suggestions please!!

Answer 1

Hush up now! Say nothing, or the problem will get to point the thing will never work again! ED is a very common problem, in or out of a marriage. Your husband needs to get a hold of Viagra. He is in a state of denial. This has NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU. IF it comes up, but then fades, it is physical. You are doing nothing wrong. Stop making a deal of it. I strongly suggest taking the pressure off him by finishing the job yourself with his help. Once he realizes that the deed will get done with him or without him, but he will be a part of it, the pressure to perform will dissappear. This is a problem that can be solved on several different fronts...I have given you two methods of getting around it. We are all big boys and girls here...no need for any embarrassment. Now, sit down, talk about YOUR problem, not his (you get hot, but don't finish off) give him an alternative to getting you done, and see if that helps. IF it doesn't, then it is off to the doc for Viagra or Cialis...either works just fine. IF he refuses to cooperate, THEN you have a real problem. Good luck

Answer 2

8 years is a long time. Bread gets stale, the car gets old. A lot of people say Viagra but that just means he gets hard on the pill. I say that rut and routine need to be broken. Spice and mystery, try an exciting place, send the kids to a sitter go to a dinner flirt with him make him know you want him and not just sex. Do not try to force it. Take him to a lingirie store let him pick out something for you, maybe you can model it for him. Guys need to feel desired as much as women do, compliments and kisses can go a long way. Tell him he looks nice start early in the morning with a compliment a nibble on his ear get him thinking about you early in the day to get the thoughts flowing. Maybe send him a gift at work. If all that does not work then try viagra.

Answer 3

Your feelings are understandable. It must hurt you very much.

You didn't mention his age, but this does happen to some men as they get older. It could be caused by many things. There is an excerpt from an article below.

If he won't go the doctor, perhaps a marriage counselor would be a good place to start. Do you have a birthday or anniversary coming up? If so, tell him you want either a visit to the doctor or a marriage counselor as your gift.

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Common Causes:

An erection requires the interaction of your brain, nerves, hormones, and blood vessels. Anything that interferes with the normal process can become a problem. Common causes include:

* Diseases and conditions such as diabetes, high blood pressure, heart or thyroid conditions, poor circulation, low testosterone, depression, spinal cord injury, nerve damage (for example, from prostate surgery), or neurologic disorders (like multiple sclerosis or Parkinson's disease)
* Certain medications such as blood pressure medication (especially beta-blockers), heart medication (such as digoxin), some peptic ulcer medications, sleeping pills, and antidepressants
* Nicotine, alcohol, or cocaine
* Stress, fear, anxiety, or anger
* Unrealistic sexual expectations, which make sex a task rather than a pleasure
* Poor communication with your partner
* A "vicious cycle" of doubt, failure, or negative communication that reinforces the erection problems

Erection problems tend to become more common as you age, but it can affect men at any age and at any time in their lives. Physical causes are more common in older men, while psychological causes are more common in younger men.

Answer 4

It seems like he's awfully anxious about those kids. Anxiety can easily deflate the mightiest man's... ego. And if you factor in the overwhelming additional anxiety about his problem, the guy's in a vicious cycle.

You have to train him to relax, and rebuild his confidence. Send the kids off to Grandma's or something for the weekend. When you have him alone, start off by being flirty and loving-- tease him, and don't pay any attention to what's going on in his pants. When he's really drooling over you, give him oral-- whether he's completely erect or not, it'll feel great. When you've taken him near the edge and backed off a few times, then invite him to make love to you. It should be awesome, and it SHOULD be enough to make him feel like a stud again.

Answer 5

I'm a guy.
I don't have a good suggestion for you.
The only time I've *ever* not been able to keep an erection is if we've already done it at least once if not twice in the last hour.
All I can tell you is, as a guy, I'm not "buying" his "excuse". Not a bit. Something is up. My suspicion is that he's not in that great of shape/condition and that's interfering.
But....you need to get outside help, is my opinion. And he's not willing? I don't have an answer for you, then.

Answer 6

Convince him to see a doctor. A recent study has shown that E.D. can be an early sign of coronary problems. There is help. It could be as simple as a medication interfering with his ability to maintain an erection.

Most important on your end is to not let this problem lower your esteem. He will need support through this as the problem seems to be his, not yours. The fact that he starts off okay but does not last (I assume he did last before) he should seek help . . . it is a sign that something is wrong and should be taken care of. Good luck

Answer 7

Get a babysitter, go out, and be as loud as you want, and just feel free to do whatever! try different things, role playing. I know a lot of guys who love it when there girls undress for them.. slowly lol. you're not the reason for him loosing his erection, it's probably because the both of you might be doing the same thing over and over, and then to top it off, he is stressed because of the kids. just get away, relax him. TELL him how you feel. Just know that it isn't you. It happens a lot in all relationships. just be creative. 4 play. hell if you have to, go away and miss each other. it sounds dumb, but it works. I've had to do it before. Missing someone is sometimes the best way to heat it up.

Answer 8

I really do not think this is you at all,or "the kids".He may be under stress,there are many reasons that this happens to guys.You can try a couple things C-rings and stay hard creme work great for both of you.I'm sure a couple of successful times he and you will both be more relaxed and happy in the bedroom.

Answer 9

Take a weekend. Send the kids to a relatives' house. Go somewhere sexy.

Has sex been a "chore"? Get buck-wild. Role play. Switch it up: let him take top.

Go to the adult toy store. Watch some adult films and copy what they do. Shop around for edible undies... or just use Hershey's syrup and whipped cream.

If that don't work try a three some.

If that don't work, he's gay.

Answer 10

you are in a tough situation, if you haven't let him know how this makes you feel then do so, and if you have, stress it! You can't force him to go to the doctor, but he needs to know that this is not only hurting him it's hurting your entire relationship, he may be embarrassed, stressed. If he is worried about the children waking up then set a time when the kids are away. Good luck!