Cheating Husband and trying to forgive him for what he has done, is it possible to forgive but not forget?

Question

My husband and I are both 24 years & I just found out that my husband cheated on me while I was pregnant with our daughter who is now 9 months and even once after she was born. We also have a 5 year old little boy. From what it seems he is remorseful and has pleaded with me about the changes he is going to make but I want to see action and no more talking. I want to forgive him but it is hard when I know every single detail about what he has done. I basically went on to his bestfriends email to see what my husband use to email him about. I came across an email where he gave graffic details about one encounter with a women saying she has some bomb *** pu$$%, she was nice and think and he wished he could have went raw dawg with her but he didnt and she $u*k@d the **** out of his you know what...the details are a little too much for me and its hard to get them out of my head. I want to forgive him because we have a family but is forgiving even possible at this point?? I need help please!!

Answer 1

Personally, the fact that he ran around while you were pregnant shows how much he cares for you, which is next to nothing. Perhaps he is remorseful now, only you can determine that, but even with the family you now have, I dont know that I could take being with someone who was so openly unconcerned about my feelings, and who could betray my trust in such a complete way.

Answer 2

A cheating husband is really hard to forgive and even if you forgive him now it will take a long time before you can forget (if ever!) what he have done.. it is a long healing process and you will need a lot of support from people around you. After learning of the betrayal, a woman goes through a process,there will be lots of anger and pain ahead of you but the healing will only start after acceptance... acceptance that it is NOT your fault that your husband cheated, that it is NOT your fault that his eyes wandered, that it is OK to blow ur top from what he did and its also OK if you dont forgive him at all.. YOU did your best for this marriage to work so definitely you will still need more of that inner strength to help you through this phase (thinking of your good times together will be a lot of help). Another thing that will help is you try to visualize your future without him and from there you can make a decision.. Have faith, ur not alone in this situation...

Answer 3

It certainly is possible to forgive but not forget, but cheating is something that you will never completely get over. It seems like he's sorry that he had been caught, because if he had really been sorry... his email to his friend would've gone along the lines of stating he couldn't believe he did this to you and feels horrible about it-not boasting about his new girl. I'm sure he's sorry and feels bad, but you need to either let it go and move on-never ever mention it again and just be happy with what you have and start over, or you need to just leave. Right now, it's apparent that you are very hurt, but if you are able to put this behind you and just start over, then your relationship will work. It's not going to do you or your marriage any good to keep thinking about it, keep wondering if he's doing it again, or eying his every move. If you really do want to make things work, you have to forgive him, but it's ok to not forget-as long as you don't hold it over his head for the rest of his life.

Answer 4

Yes, it's possible to forgive and not possible to forget. Our memories cannot just be turned off. What happens after you make up your mind to forgive him, is that you don't speak of it again, ever. You also don't allow yourself to dwell on it anymore. Day by day it will fade in importance so it seems as if you've forgotten it.

First though you must have a conversation with him and tell him how horrible you feel about it all, how hurt and afraid you are. Tell him you have to learn to trust him all over again. I actually think you should go to a marriage counselor for several visits until you both understand how to get past this.

If you believe he is sincere and will be faithful to you, please make every effort to move forward. It's done on a daily basis by people all over the world. Best of luck to you. A failed marriage with children is awful for all involved, but so is a marriage where one partner cannot be trusted.

You have to decide if you will ever be able to trust him again and then work hard on it.

Answer 5

First of all Im sorry to hear that!! I have not gone through that, but I know someone really close who did. You first have to stop and think if you can forgive him, and not always bring it up. Pros and Cons. For some stupid reason the man does this but really just want what he has at home. And like you said actions speaks louder than words. For you to heal, you have to express all the feelings. Set goals to work on it! The person I know was married for like 20+ and he could not say one bad thing about his wife. She stayed She didnt want to but did. He had alot of things to prove of course. And he has to remember he lost the trust. So he's back at the beginning but even worse. The same way he tried to sweep you off your feet in the beginning he has to do even more. And be understanding of your feelings. If you want to make it work. Do it, accept it and move on. If he means business, and wants you he will change. But be open. And after you accept and he's sorry you cant keep bringing it up to him. Mostly it takes time. But love is patient. I'll keep the both of you in my prayers and hope it all works for the good. And for the sake of the kids too!!

Answer 6

I am sorry to hear this, but you really need to think about you and your children. Seriously, you will never be able to forget about what you read. I have been down this road and let me tell you was not good,it ended up in divorce. Which now I can look back and say to myself why was I so stupid. He has no respect for you the fact that you were pregnant with his child and he was out doin who ever gave him the time of day says a lot about him. Sounds like a BIG JERK...
If you really want to stay with him you should get a good marriage counselor, and take it from there.

Answer 7

Wow, we should talk. I am going through a similiar situation with my wife. I am trying hard to forgive but I will never forget. I am trying to the bigger person and move on with the relationship because I do love her. To your point, the cheater must show some remorse and back some significant changes in their life for the marriage to continue. If he has done that, then give him a second but last chance. I know you have those images in your head but with each day, it will get easier to deal with them. You owe it to your family to at least try but he must understand that he really messed up and this is his only chance. Good luck sweetheart.

Answer 8

If you're only doing this for the sake of keeping the family together, then you're selling yourself short. It's apparent that the details of his cheating bothers you and if you continue to think about them, you will never be happy. Can you forgive him? Is this something you can live with? Can you trust him again? These are questions only you can answer. If I was in your situation I don't think I could stay in the marriage. I have enough pride in myself not to let a cheating husband disrespect me like that.

Answer 9

Yes in time you can forgive, but you will never forget. I know I have been there and it took awhile. But i do love him, I am not going to make no excuses for what he did because it was wrong. Anyone can tell you to kick him out. But you have to do what you feel is right. I really wish you all the luck and if you would like to e-mail me you can [e-mail], I went through this last year.

Answer 10

You are never going to forget about what he did. u always going to remember. no matter how many times u try to block it. the memory will come back to u eventually. A marriage counselor wont work u know why cause there not in the situation ur in they are just giving u advise that they would do if there were in that situation. they dont know how it feels. Look just do whats in ur heart. if u feel that u can forgive him then thats all on u. but if u feel that u cant just leave him i dont think u want to be with someone that dont appreciate u. I dont think u want to feel miserable every time u with him. and dont just stay with him cause the kids cause it just going to make u feel worst.