What will you do?

Question

If you found out that your husband is calling his ex (with whom he had a sexual relationship before he met you) ever since you were 6 months preganat.You confront him and he denied it, then you call her and she also denied it. Then time passs away and you found out he called her again and you discover the tellephone data and guess what?? they are been calling each other for a year!! And their conversation are as long as 2 hours!! Don't tell me this is only a friendship. What wil she want anyways, she had a baby with another man!!

When we got married everyting was ok, I mean nothing is perfect so it was fine. After he cameback from Irak oh my God.Now he doesnt even want to go to church, and we use to go together now is a different story...

He was callin her when I was pregnant that was almost a year ago my baby have already 8 months going to 9, I just descover it like a month ago. Thigs were going ok we wen to counseling long time ago but after that he called her!! I asked him and he told me he loves me, but why liying and why calling his ex when he knows how make me feel.Is more than a friendship they slept together he was her first he told me once.I make mistkaes but I never calle dmy ex or even made an account saying that Im single like he did!!

Answer 1

Your husband is probably a mental wreck.
Let's look at this from his point of view (No I am not justifying his actions just helping you to understand).
I'm sure he loves you. HOWEVER, he was in Iraq. Iraq does a lot of bad things to a lot of good people. He is mentally and emotionally drained. Now, you are pregnant. I'm assuming with your first? That is scary for ANY couple, at times. Becoming a parent is a HUGE thing. So what does he do? He falls into something comfortable-talking to his ex. It's old. He knows what to expect. No surprises coming from there.

You need to sit down with him, and gently tell him you know the truth. Ask him to talk to you about it. If he won't, ask him to AT LEAST go to therapy. He probably has PTSD. Most soldiers who come home from Iraq do. He needs to talk to someone. Give it some time. Normally, I would say kick his butt, but in his situation, I think he needs a bit of slack. If, he won't talk to you or therapist, or he DOES, and things don't improve, only then would I consider leaving him.

Answer 2

I would be upset just like you are. They had a past together that was not just a friendship it was more. He is doing this behind your back which will make any person think maybe there is more. Your not crazy you have every right to be angry. Just because she had a baby with another man does not mean she is not going to try to get your husband. Shame on both of them. I would ask him what his intentions are with this woman. If he says well we are only talking I would say hey its either your friend or me. If he continues file for divorce.

Answer 3

It sounds like an emotional affair to me. An emotional affair can be more painful than a sexual affair. I would encourage the two of you to look into marital counseling. Usually an affair is only a symptom and not the real problem. If you really love him and the two of you want to have a long lasting and happy marriage it is worth fighting for and taking the time to get to the real issue.

I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Answer 4

The simple solution here is to be bold and confront him. However, you should confront him using the telephone data that you have discovered. Do not confront him upset, but in rather a communicative manner. And suggest that you are very concerned for two reasons, one that you are still commmunicating with her, and second that you have denied it. Ask him an open-ended question: Please tell me what is going on here? You course of action will become apparent depending on his answer.

Answer 5

So show him the evidence. Tell him to stop lying and either he explains or you tell him you can't live with a man you can't trust. He will rant and rave and try to make this your fault. Just look at him like he's stupid and walk out. Leave him until he can figure out what he wants. Then you have to decide if you still want him or not. And don't do what you think "is best for the baby." You have to live with him. Do what is best for you.

Answer 6

sound like some drama you know two can play the same game but it is not worth it confront him again and give him a decision to make tell him you will not accept this and if he want her he can go to her baby you are to young to be going thru this or get dress up and you go out and have some fun with out telling him where you are going smile don't let him depress you hold your head up and say i don't play games so what is it and don't back down good luck Ps: jealous of you

Answer 7

Don't ask anyone else what you should do. If you don't think you are smart enough, good enough, deserving enough to have a relationship with a man who loves you, then continue doing nothing. But if you want respect you have to seek it, ask for it, demand it. This man is jerkin you around and youre letting him.

This is what I would do:

1. Make sure I have enough money to provide for myself (and children).
2. Leave.
3. Live happily ever after.

Answer 8

They've obviously got something going on, which he's been hiding from you. Confront him again about it and see if he'll be honest. If not, play like you've talked to the other woman and she told you all about their affair. See what happends then.

Answer 9

Even though divorce sucks, it seems like he and his ex are fooling around and your only choice might be getting a divorce so he can go back to her and stop hurting you. He obviously doesn't care about hurting you. Leave him he doesn't deserve you.

Answer 10

I wouldn't want to be with someone who cheats on me with his ex. I'd just leave him, because he isn't worth my time even if I carried his child, I forbid him to see the child once the child's born.