ok after that ring slip on my finger and we get a house together all he does is play video games..i had no idea... you know today we had to go and meet the teachers for school, my sons first time ever being in school, kindergarden...and i had some paper work to fill out...my husband has already been through it so as a first time mom i have no clue... i asked him for his help and he snapped at me...what a Jerk! also their first day of school, im suppose to take my youngest stepson and my son to school, but the oldest stepson my husband wants his mom to take him, whats the big deal, im trying to get involve w/ all of them and be there for them like the same as my own...this is very upsetting...im trying to include myself...but our family feels like it was before we got married, he does stuff for his kids and i do stuff w/ my son, its not like a real family, i dont feel like all of us is included...what to do???
2006-08-11 13:51:17 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
this year we will be together going on 3 years...but i have known him since i was 16 as a friend, not close but i worked with him and we were work friends.... and our 1 yr wedding ann. is end of the yr
2006-08-11 14:10:20 · update #1
my stepkids mother isnt in their lives at all...
2006-08-11 14:11:47 · update #2
my sons father is in and out of the relationship.... he is very inmature and not a real dad to my son, i have been taking care of my son by myself for 5 years and his father is 3000 in back child support, he is paying me but i get 290 a mnth
2006-08-11 14:14:05 · update #3
You need to step up and show some backbone, my dear. You need to think about what you want from him and tell him.
Chances are you feel like a live-in cook, main, and nanny. You want him to be more involved and help take up some of the slack. You want him to share some of his experience and input. You want some adult company and attention. You want to feel more important to him, more desired by him, more validated, and most of all appreciated. You want him to pursue you and continue to try to win you over. Am I wrong? Guys are dumb about this stuff. When they run out of ideas, motivation and start to feel like a disappointment or failure to you.....then they bury themselves in solo or self-serving activities (video games, porn, dinking, etc). Be prepared to ask what he needs from you to feel like your desired and appreciated hero. Anticipate that he may not know how to tell you, but his needs may be similar to yours. give him a chance and be willing to be patient and put forth some effort yourself. Check in from time to time....
he best gift to your kids is a satisfied partnership. You can make it that way, but not all on your own. You need to step up and seek what you need. Ask for what you want. Choose not to be a victim, but rather a hero and a survivor. You need time to get used to each other, and learn how to treat each other. Don't lose hope yet. Only if you try this for years and get no effort from him.
You can always go to www.drphil.com for more tips, and to read about success stories.
Good luck and take care!
2006-08-11 14:36:08 · answer #1 · answered by pandora the cat 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The answer to your question is in what your biggest dilemma is, how you feel. There will be so many days of going to school and meeting the teachers, look at the bigger picture. Make the family feeling by creating it. Work in a cooperative effort with your spouse and be the bigger person for those boys. You signed on to the job so do it the best that you can, when in doubt defer to the side of love. Family's are forever so keep working toward that unit don't do the "them and us" division on your own family.
2006-08-11 14:15:44 · answer #2 · answered by want2flybye 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The honeymoon or Cinderella love (live happily ever after) is over and now reality (true love) sets in and so do the disappointments. The expectations are failing and things are no longer dreamy and starry eyed, Now comes the time when true love takes over and we really become who we are. Now this love together overcomes lifes challenges and conquers all, but it changes us in the eyes of those who love us. We have to be able to change together with life and be able to work together as one in a marriage and still maintain our own id. In time your family will come together or have a heart to heart with your husband and explain your feelings and see if you two cant come to some type of compromise. Good luck
2006-08-11 14:06:03 · answer #3 · answered by Arthur W 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i've heard before that after marriage some men do change for the worse...but not all...this could be a case of there being not much of a challenge left for him in u since u r already his...if he continues to snap back at u all the time then i think it is about time to ring ur family lawyer...as for the step-family part, i have zero experience on that so u have to read the other answers and decide on ur own sry
2006-08-11 14:10:54 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i feel sorry for your son. those two boys have their own mother. and like you said he favors HIS sons. they're HIS kids. not yours. they are the product of the love he and their mother shared once. nothing you can do about that. just like your son is YOURS. people cease to amaze me. they have kids with other people and when those relationships don't work out for what ever reason, they get into new ones and want to make it into something it's not. YOUR son is going to suffer the most. sad but true. i really do feel sorry for him. where is his father by the way???? just wondering. hopefully he's in the picture for the child. i get the feeling you weren't married to dad, even if you were it was for the child. don't mean to sound cold hearted, but the way your acting screams in volumes. i sincerely feel sorry for your son.
2006-08-11 13:59:57 · answer #5 · answered by vanessa w 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
how long were you two together before you got married? sometimes people jump the gun and get married before getting to know eachother. maybe he's depressed about something and in a rut and just needs a good kick in the ****. i get like that sometimes, in a rut and snap at my g/f but 9 times out of 10 its not because of her but something else and i take it out on her..bad characteristic i have, but im only human. talk to him maybe, see what his deal is.
2006-08-11 13:59:29 · answer #6 · answered by chuck j 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Most men are jerks.
You need to snap back at him when he does it to you. Show him you are not easily bullied.
2006-08-11 15:14:24 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Talk to him about how you feel...you know men can sometimes loose it...so just conversate with him...o.k..
2006-08-11 13:57:39 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
get a lover! and use him.
2006-08-11 13:56:39 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋