Why are Black Women so mean to the nice Black Guys?

Question

As a young African American Man who works in a very conservative corporate environment - were there are very few African American males, I’m sometimes asked by African American people, if I experience racism in my office, (I assume they’re referring to the White people in the office). I tell them, “Actually, no, I don’t.” There may be one or two people who may have some issues, but they don’t bother me. They don’t say anything to me, and I don’t say anything to them. But over all, they, (meaning the White people in the office) are very, very nice, they are all very educated and they respect me in the same sense. But I continue to expound on the question by informing them that I do experience problems, but I get them from the Black Women in my office. A number of them are very rude, harassing and provoking towards me, although I’m always doing my work and minding my business. They make comments such as: “I don’t act black, I act like I think I’m white, etc. I’m told by some of my African American friends, men and women, that these Black Women behave like this towards me because they like me and they are trying to get my attention. Personally, I think these type of women are crazy and sick because no other women, White, Asian, etc… behaves like that towards me. I’m sometimes asked by my White and Asian women friends, “why are Black Women so mean to the nice Black Guys?; or, why do Black Women hate the nice Black Guys?” Some of the women who have asked me these questions have themselves, witness Black Women attack and harass me, as well as other African American guys like myself. White and other cultures of women in my work environment, as well as in other social environments often tell me, “You are so nice, you are so nice; you are so sweet, you are so nice”. Meanwhile, these White and Asian women watch the Black Women - although unprovoked - harass and attack me for no apparent reason, when I’m always simply just minding my business; and then they hear these very same Black Women make up crazy, sick, irrational excuses for their behavior. I explain to these White, Asian and other cultures of women that many Black Women hate the nice African American Men because they can’t pin their problems and issues on us like they are so notorious for doing, but instead have to take the challenge of responsibility for their own faults, failures and other issues. The nice guys have an education, we have good jobs, we don’t have children or owe child support, which means we have no responsibility to accompany their misery, because misery loves company, and our content and happiness makes them jealous and angry. Black Women can’t accuse us for their many problems and issues in an attempt to gain pity and sympathy from the rest of the world like they are so known to do. When nice guys are around, we make Black Women look bad and weaken their argument when ever they try to make negative and degrading statements about African American Men, and then, what makes them hate us even more is, the nice guys usually date White, Asian or other cultures of women. This leaves the question that I’ve heard other cultures ask: “Okay, we know about all the bad Black Men, but why can’t Black Women get the Good Ones?” I’m often told by some of my White and Asian Women friends, “I could never imagine you with a Black Women, you are too nice, you are not for Black Women, the other kind of Black Guys are for Black Women, you are too nice.” Black Women seem to not be aware that other cultures are very observant as to how African American people interact with each other. Often after watching Black Women harass me when I’m minding my business, my White, Asian and other cultures of women friends have said “Black Women are crazy, why do they threat the nice Black Guys bad, then get mad when they date White or Asian women?” My response is, “It-is sought of a craziness.”

I though I covered all the details with my extensive post, but I guess I didn’t, but for those who may be unaware, I do have a girlfriend, and for quite while. And yes, you can guess who she is…one of those sweet, kind white girls I talked about who has always been so compatible, kind and nice.

Yes DON DONS, you’re right, that-is just what I’m talking about. If I could, I would split the points and give the other half to you for speaking up and sharing your experiences, but feel secure and know that you’re not the only African American guy that goes through this. I have two or three other African American buddies that go through the very same thing. Some of them have even left their jobs, not because of racism from White people, but because of racism from Black Women harassing them. I think the solution is for these nice guys to start speaking up and not just let these type of Black Women make them miserable like they are.

Answer 1

Sad but true . I have seen it and pointed it out to some sisters. As you mentioned other women from different cultures are simply watching and studying us. Then when these confused sisters turn their backs, the other types of women are ready to pounce and pour salt in the wounds. We as Black women must recognize our faults and come to grips with this insanity.

Answer 2

Nice Black Women

Answer 3

I just happened to have a guy explain this to me; it was an older gentleman and I think he needed to get it off his chest because I did not ask him why he was with a white woman. He told me this was his second wife, in my opinion she was not ugly not fat just plain. He said his wife before was nice looking and this present wife could not compare to her in looks. Then he said, when he comes home he feels peace, not arguing for no reason, or not speaking don't know why, He said they do have issues like any couple will but not a constant battle. He said some more but do not want to get too long. Maybe it was fate that I ran into him because, I find myself in the same place. I have a very nice looking wife but that beauty is only on the outside. She is completely void or caring, compassion or love of another human being. If you could meet her she will tell you "It's all about me" I called her evil once and she replied "I'm not evil, I'm mean. When we split will I date another black woman, I have to say not likely. I just need someone I can live my days with without all the unnecessary drama.

Answer 4

Because black women of this modern era has been raised by single mothers to value thuggish, nigh-criminal, hoodlum, and hard over-masculine behavior in men. Its part of their association with hip-hop culture and its ghetto's good mentality.

Even those sophisticated college educated women will fool with a thug until a man with money comes around. Even in the workplace, if you don't have swag, you ain't gonna get the respect of Black Women. Its a sad reality, best to either avoid work environments with majority Women or even Black Women or bring your subtle game to the office.

Answer 5

You don't sound like you are nowhere near educated as you say you are. Only an idiot would rant this long about something as moronic as dealing with people who don't matter to them. This is yet another obvious cheap shot against black women. Grow up.

Answer 6

As I read your question, I begin to wonder if you examined yourself. Maybe you are treating the black women differently.You claim that the women would harass you for no reason, but have you examined your behavior. Maybe you are giving negative non verbal signals.
The comments that you made about you asking other women( make me wonder about what type of person you are. If you see that there is a problem with the black women in your office, why not ask them why they treat you the way they do. I think that you want to complain about black women just so you would have an excuse for dating other women. If you want to date other women then fine, but stop trying to down black women.
If you were so good, I am sure that you can find a nice black woman. Many women like myself would like to find a nice black man. Not just educated, but really a good person. I know many men who are educated and appear to be a "good" person, but after being around them for a while their true nature comes out.

Answer 7

OK, I read your whole story. What I got out of it was that there are a couple of black women in your office that say things like, "I don’t act black, I act like I think I’m white".

It isn't an attack, it's a fact. Don't take it in a bad way. I know plenty of white people who act like they are black. There isn't any normal way for ANY race to behave these days.

You act like an up tight white guy instead of a jive talking brother. For those women, that may make you a sell out in their mind. For you, it is a professional way to act in the office.

I'm sure those women are not your superiors at the office. I'm sure they are on one of the lower rungs of the corporate ladder. When they learn to act professional for an office situation, they may move up the ladder. Their attitude not only shows to you, but I'm sure their boss also sees their unprofessional behavior.

Just remember to be yourself. Don't fall into a racial stereo type. Mostly, don't worry about what those black women say at work, or the white and asian women either. I got the impression they are playing you.

Answer 8

I'm sorry, but I had a hard time reading your post...

Answer 9

Not all black women are like that. So far you have not met the others. Perhaps it is the company you keep?

Answer 10

I can't begin to understand why those women would act that way. I just dream of the day that we only see each other as either Good or Bad, with skin, religion or gender not getting in the way.

I hope you find happiness, and don't give a second thought to those that interfere with that happiness.

Answer 11

OMG ! You have just told the story of my life in corporate America. I always knew there had to be other Black men out there dealing with the same foolishness. First off the majority of Black women who responded to your question were hostile and attacked you; which is ironic. I believe if you're educated and focused on legitamate success ,you will receive hostility from certain types of Black women in corporate America. Mainly because they aren't accustom to dealing with these types of Black men. They can't talk to you like a child and take on some assumed authoritative role. You're not on the run from the police or asking them for money. You are independent and not relying on them for credit or a place to live. You have your act together far better then they do and it intimidates them.
It's sad because I've seen them denigrate Black men to other types of women in hopes of making us unattractive . Then these other types of women will turn around and go right after these same Black men when the Black women's backs are turned . Then Black women wonder why they are losing out. I could go on and on . It's a major problem with our women in the work place and no one is talking about it .Instead Ophra wants to talk about Black women dating White men. So damn foolish.These people are watching us and studying how we interact with ourselves. The bottom line is you are not alone ,just ignore those women who harass you but don't give up on all the sisters. When those Asian and White girls try to add fuel to the fire by saying " I can't see you with a Black woman ", just realize deep down they don't want Black men and women to get together anyway. Black women please wake up.