I still think about my exboyfriend even though I'm married now.?

Question

I was with my exboyfriend off and on for 5 years until we decided to go our separate ways. Even though we had broken up, we still remain friends and got together every so often. It's been 3 years since I last spoke to him. I think about him more frequently as time goes by. I even thought of hiring a detective to find him. Everytime I think of him I get goose bumps and my stomach gets in knots. You know that feeling?

The problem is that I've been married for 6 years to the most wonderful man. I thought I would grow to love my husband but it's not working. I don't think I ever truly loved my husband. I don't want to hurt him but I don't think I can stay married to him either.

What should I do? Should I stay married? Should I find my exboyfriend and expect to be disappointed? Please help. I'm desparate.

Answer 1

Hi , the knot feeling, i know that well!! I have been in exactly same postion as you. I love my husband, but an ex i think of him every day. We still intouch but only by e mail. I have stayed away delibertaly. The man never wanted me really. It be me ending up hurt. My advise is two things, find contact if you can cope with meeting him again and not having him, cause that may happen, but it may help put things to bed. Or let him go. Good luck. I never managed to totally let go, god knows ive tried hence small contact via e mail been nine years now. That knot feeling terrible.

Answer 2

This is a decision you have to make yourself. You think of your exbf because that represents a period of time when your life was simpler and more exciting, little or no responsibility, could come and go as you pleased, etc. Now being truly unhappy in your marriage the mind resorts back to the good ole days thus the exbf. There is no guarantee that he would feel the same especially since he hasnt contacted you for 3 years, or if hed even be interested in seeing you. Chances are hes moved on to a life of his own too, so you might best leave the unknown alone. Remember its not having what you want but wanting what you got. Remember the past exactly for what it was; the past and leave it there before you wish you had. You can seek professional help in dealing with your past if you choose to save your marriage and to move forward. Good luck

Answer 3

Well if you don't love the guy then you should not be with him anymore. You are preventing him from founding his special someone. About the ex, I think you have some unresolved issues there and you are using him as an excuse to breakup with your husband. If you want to find your ex, just google him and see what comes up. Or go to Zaba or Zabba.com...I am not really sure; you can find most people phone numbers there if they are listed. If you guys were off and on for five years, that means that the relationships was not all rosy. You should ask yourself why it did not worked out and think about all the shitty things he did to you and you did to him....would you want to go through all that again. But if he is your true love and you feel that he is then go for it, hire a detective and find him. Of course he could have already moved on with someone else...

Answer 4

If you're married to a most wonderful man, then you are ahead of the game, honey. Don't throw away what you do have for what might have been or what might be. Love is a choice and a committment, not just compulsive attraction. That fades in any relationship.

If you don't think you can stay with your husband & you feel that you want a divorce, then do so, but don't go running back to any ex. Learn to live on your own & find out about yourself before you enter a relationship with anyone else.

That's just my opinion, but I'm not inexperienced in this arena. Take it or leave it, but seriously consider your options & both the pros and cons of doing something that you might regret.

Answer 5

You've been married for 6 years to the most wonderful man. Where's the problem? Oh yea, there is that on again off again boyfriend who was so good for you you could not stay with him.
Are you nuts? You have a relationship that most of the women here would love to have. But you are willing to piss it away because your selective memory tells you this old guy was so good. What was it the sex? They say that men think with their parts. Its obvious you really do not know what love is. If you do not grow up quickly and figure out that love is not about the shudder in your pants you are going to inflict a lot of pain and agony on a man who has admittedly done nothing bad. You bet you are desperate. Your desperation is leading you to a life of pain, emptiness and loneliness. For what? Wait till this guy finds out you are back after him and will not throw over his current lady for you. Then you will really be happy.

Answer 6

stay married. Love is not that feeling. That's a mixture of lust and wanting. Think back to your days when you were really young and happy. You may get those sme feelings if you feel you could relive them again. That's what you feel for the other guy. Love is something that takes time. It is not sex, or distraction. It's what keeps you in the game when there's nothing left in you. Some people never find it, but most don't even look for very long.

Answer 7

Hi, I know exactly what you are talking about. But you know your ex may be married to someone he truely loves and have kids or etc. Don't leave your husband he would heartbroken. Reading your question sounds so much like myself months ago. But the only difference is i got to see my ex and it wasn't the same. Not to mention was ex was awful towards the end of our relationship. Your husband is wonderful as you say. Meet the ex if you can find him and I think that your feelings will change. I know mine did. Good Luck

Answer 8

Hello. Maybe you could talk things over with a counselor before you decide to divorce. The grass isn't always greener.
Maybe this person is no longer available. Even if he is and you two were married, there are no guarantees that you would feel with him the exact same way you do with your husband now.

Answer 9

Well if you never loved your husband why did you marry him? How sad for your husband actually he is living a lie. He is thinking his wife is in love with him when actually she is thinking of her ex. He has to be an ex for a reason. If you try to look your ex up he might be married and have children by now. Maybe you need to take a good hard look at yourself and your husband who you married through thick and thin for richier or for poorer.

Answer 10

What is it about your ex-boyfriend that still attracts you to him? Talk to your husband honestly and openly about your feelings. You owe that to him since you did marry him. Marriage is a lifelong committment and you should honor that. You and your husband through some communication and effort can spark the relationship again and you will fall in love all over again.