What do you put up with???

Question

I ask questions about my relationship and people always say "Leave, Run away, Don't look behing you..."

From what I know, all people put up with alot of crap in a relationship. What do you put up with? Is what I put up with normal, or is it too much? What makes things like this balance out?

ME:
- Jealous
- Overweight a bit
- Always feel sick
- Poor motivation

HIM:
- Violent when drinking -- damages things on multiple occasions
- Asshole attititude
- Poor motivation
- Terrible with money

Yes, he has hurt me when he drinks. He hasn't done it for along time now so hes getting over it. BUT he has damaged his car like 2 weeks ago because of it. BUT I have my faults too. Do people work on the faults or leave??

What faults do you deal with and when do you leave??

Im the type of person who won't leave someone until im cheated on, etc. so it's hard for me to judge things like that but I think other ppl overreact.

Look at my last ? and answer too pls

Answer 1

I read all your questions, I'm sort of at a loss here. I don't understand why you would put yourself through so much heart ache. Don't you think you deserve a better life of peace and happiness. you made a coment that you would stay until you were cheated on. my opinion is you are in a sad way. you are letting the one person who claims to love you treat you wrong and hurts you. i don't see the logic in that. I truly don't mean to be so blunt and to hurt you feelings but you asked for some answers. I can't tell you what you should do. only you know the answers to though questions. as for what I think it is a crazy situation. yes people have problems but I don't believe they choose to live in this type of situation. I'm married and have been for a long time,13 years. I have never had to go through what you are. I can hear the hurt in your words and I don't know what else to tell you, other than think and reread what you wrote, The writng is on the wall. sweetie I hope you find your peace and happiness in your life. look to the man upstairs he will guide you. just pray about it. good luck!

Answer 2

What do I deal with? Well, my husband is a very ambitious man and he likes to stay busy, he's also a thinker, not a feeler, which means more often than not I'm fighting for his attention and he tends to keep me at arm's length, emotionally. I get "I Love you" after sex or when he's on a business trip. I kid you not. And there are times when I have and still do wonder if I can take it anymore. But he can also very sweet and I have to give credit where credit is due--he works very hard to give us and our two boys a good life. He would do anything for us and he'd be crushed if I left him.

I'm no picnic either. I'm extremely emotional and I do nothing halfway--I"m 120% at everything. Which means when I'm angry, I'm a charging bull and I'm stubborn as hell.

But my husband has never and will raise a hand to me. NOBODY has a right to raise a hand against someone else. I don't even spank my children. THAT is where I draw the line. That, honey, is called abuse. I don't care if it's just the alcohol, you do NOT have to put up with it. It's the abuser in him telling you that you're no picnic to live with either so what are you complaining about. That's not right, sweetie. It's not and somewhere inside of you, I think you know that or you wouldn't be here. I hope someday you get up the courage to leave him, to realize that you deserve better than, becuase you do. A man who loves you would never hurt you. Even my husband will bend over backwards apologizing when he realizes he's hurt my feelings.

God bless.

Answer 3

I was in a situation a lot like yours. Any man who abuses you , and being drunk is NO excuse, should be locked up! He obviously has a problem. DO NOT blame his problems on your faults. It is certainly not your fault that he gets drunk and beats the crap out of you! When I was with my ex, I said the same thing you did..."i won't leave him unless he cheats on me..." Well, honey, chances are, he already is!!! If youare always feeling sick, it is probably caused by the stress of not knowing what to expect when your man comes home...or IF he will come home. I spent SO many nights lying awake til 4 or 5 in the morning, wondering where my husband was. I put up with that for 13 years!! Whan I finally got the nerve up to leave him, I felt 100% better. I stopped feeling sick, I lost weight, and gained back a lot of self esteem. Don't wait til he puts you in the hospital, or worse (he kills someone driving while drunk, or you in a drunken rage!). I know this is probably not what you want to hear, God knows I didn't listen to ANYONE who said I deserved better. He had me convinced no one would ever want me because I was overweight, and had 3 kids. Well, guess what! I now have a husband who treats me like I deserve to be treated, not like a doormat and a punching bag!!
Him beating on you is not a fault, it's a crime, and you should NEVER put up with it! You should get out now before it is too late! You can contact me if you want to talk some more. I know exactly what you are going through! Good luck!

Answer 4

I understand why you're critical of so many people's zero tolerance. For certain things though, there shouldn't be much tolerance. For instance him assaulting you. Be it sober or drunk, it's very wrong, dangerous, and not something you should have to deal with. By the 'car' part of your post are you suggesting he was drinking and driving? That's a big no-no too. Vehicular manslaughter is very real and being drunk is no excuse for it. No one is perfect. Even the most perfect relationship in the world will have both people tolerating and looking past their partners quirks, flaws, and imperfections. There are some flaws that put up red flags though. This man that you've talked about does not seem like much of a catch to me. I'm guessing by this post, particularly the part where you made excuses for his wreckless and violent behavior, you want to make it work with him. Well you are your own person. I wish you the best of luck with that. I just hope the next time something major comes up you're able to come ask what our opinions are on here and that you won't be stuck in some hospital or worse, a grave. Good luck.

Answer 5

Except for cheating, I would put up with all my husband's faults only if he's willing to help himself to overcome them. I'm not the type to just give up when the going is tough. I prefer to make my marriage work. That is what commitment is all about. On the other hand, there has to be some kind of progress and it has to be mutual. Otherwise it would all be for nothing. Yes, I know it sounds conditional but everyone has their limits and there comes a time when you have to look out for number one. How long depends on the person and their level of tolerance.

Answer 6

Well from the things you say about yourself sounds like you have low self- Esteem and usually girls with low self -esteem stay in those type of relationships. what you need to do is realize that you love yourself more than you love anyone else, then you will realize he is not worth your time. Because sounds like you are in this relationship because you are afraid to let him go and be alone since you already think you are overweight you feel like no other guy is going to want you. BUT you must realize that there's so many freakin guys out there. Do what's best for yourself and stand up for yourself and leave him. You do not deserve this.

Good Luck

Answer 7

Again, and again why are you selling your self short. Yes you are all the things you listed, that is still no excuse for any man to put his hands on you. You can change the things you listed about yourself. Once you do that you will get rid of that loser. We as women put up with a whole lot but at some point you have to take care of yourself by setting up some type of do and do'nts, if you do'nt you will end up dead. You just wont be around for anyone to cheat or beat up on you? is that your goal?. Sorry to inform you but if he doesnt leave you for another low self esteem woman, he will beat you to death.

I 'd leave as soon a the mother start tripping, ie, drinking, loud talking, controling, can't keep a job, I run like crazy, so can you imagine if he puts his hands on me? It's on for sure, the cops will be picking him up and charges will be press against any man that falls and bump his head and hit me period. I will be his Butt to the ground for sure

Answer 8

i have put up with a lot of crap. I have been beat, cheated, mental abuse, you name it ive been through it. I have learned to put up with things that really matter. if he cant treat you right then he aint worth being with. My last guy we had a daughter and he was out in town while me and the three kids were home sleeping at three in the morning and he was out with his new gf and having a good ole time with her. If he is being detructive of his own things he isnt worth crying over hun. There is someone out there who will treat you like you need to be treated. I put up with weight, attitudes, gestures to other girls, the phone calls, and anything that causes me to get mad or think about it. I have learned not to let none of that bother me. If he says shes cute i tell him to go get her but dont come back to what you threw away.

Answer 9

well, i have been married 3 times...divorced the same amount! so, i don't put up with too much 'crap'
the first one, i didn't have a clue about...he left me and his 6 month old son, sold everything that we had as a family together and left...that was a relief!
the second one, well, i put up with some physical abuse thinking that he would change, he didn't...he abused my son by my first husband and i left...you should NEVER allow a husband (or wife) to abuse your child! i could have taken him cheating easier than the abuse of my child.
the third drank a lot...he was very verbally abusive to me...he told me one too many times that he wanted me and the children to go away and leave him alone...we finally did.
EVERYONE has their faults and EVERYONE has their limits...a person can live with only so much abuse before they begin abusing themself. just being around an abuser is abuse to yourself...oh, we all have our ideas that they will change, that our love will help them to become whom we married...this very rarely happens.
you choose what you want...it is your marriage, not mine...and if you like the abuse, stay put, by all means...if not, leave

Answer 10

QUIT MAKING EXCUSES FOR HIM. AND QUIT MAKING EXCUSES FOR NOT LEAVING HIM.
You know someone loves you when you feel it from them. They have your interest in mind. It comes through in their actons. You don't have to hear them say it, you just know (like you know what your name is). You want to brag to all your friends how great he is....
You do not put up with things he does to hurt you or make you feel bad. You do not put up with lying, cheating, or abuse of any sort. You avoid people who act out of spite. Avoid those who expect you to be responsible for their actions and their feelings, too. That's their job. Not yours.
You put up with a difference of opinion or even a good debate about it (argument) but ...
....you AVIOD fighting, where someone's character gets assassinated or someone tries to make someone feel bad for having differences.
You put up with their taste in music, clothes, food, movies, etc. You accept previous mistakes and previous realtionships, so long as they have learned their lessons.
.....you AVOID unfinished business with ex'es, spitefulness and blaming everyone for their demise, etc
Trust your gut and your intuition. Lose any baggage you've been carrying around. Get with a guy you can brag to your friends about......
That's my two cents.