Should a daughter confront a cheating father?

Question

My mother found out recently my father had an affair. Im 19 and I wish my father unhappiness until the day he dies. He hasn't offered explanations for my mom, he constantly tries to make the matter seem less important than it is, and he only says they need counseling (I know all of this through my mom). But he did not tell my mother of this out of his own accord, so I find myself wondering how my mother could ever trust him. My mom has found him lying so many times before I dont think it is possible for him to tell the truth. It seems to me that if this had happened in my situation I would have thrown him out of the house and threatened with divorce and only thought of continuing the relationship if he came and offered to make all the amends possible. My mother wont let me talk to him about any of it. I feel I can never trust men again, and I have so much pent up rage that I feel I could wish his death in front of him if I were given the chance. I feel I deserve information.

BOTH my grandfathers cheated, what am I to expect? Everyone in my family except two of my aunts is divorced (I have nine aunts and uncles). Im just trying to get at the root of this.

Answer 1

Your parents relationship is their business. You should not get involved or chose sides. You are only hearing your mothers side of the story, and shame on her for dragging her daughter into it no matter how close you are. If she choses to put it with it, its her mistake. And to say that you wish him unhappiness until the day that he dies?? That is harsh.. I know he did a very terrible thing and shouldn't have hurt her like that. If I were you I would go see a psychologist.

Answer 2

Ok baby girl! This is a family matter and it affect the whole family. Regardless of weather you knew or not. First of all you can't go around hating men cause your dad made a bad decision in his marriage. THat's his marriage with your mother that produce a child. What the child needs to do is be a respecful child and bring mom and dad together and express how she feels. Believe it or not your dad is hurting as well. Not that i'm ok with what he did. When you grow up you will reliaze that sometimes it take a whole more than cheating to stop loving someone. These things work out sometimes because it puts things into perspective for the other person. It helps him to identify whats really important, which is you and your mom. I know this is hard speciaaally being the child that the mother is confiding in, but if you do'nt say anything it will affect your future relationships. All men are not dogs and out to get women, although their have been times in my sad moments I wanted to believe that . Life also happens to them as well. Hope this helps.

Answer 3

You need to understand there is more to things between your parents than you are aware of. Condemning your father does no one any good and You are not seeing the entire picture. If He continued to support You and has set things up for your future then His obligation to You is done. There could be good reasons they lost the relationship that started so good. Men have a habit of lying themselves into one problem after the other. The fact he even suggested counseling is a positive thing. What has happened is now in the past. The future requires facing problems and working on them not holding grudges. If separation is justified then they should do it but the fact they are still jerking around with it shows there is something you do not recognize. Let them work on it and give Your father credit for the good things he has done. Someday You may find a totally different picture of their life than you have now.

Answer 4

You havent said if he was a good father otherwise. Basically this is a matter between your mom and dad and has nothing to do with you. I know youre not going to like my answer but its reality. All you would do is cause him to take it out on your mom even more. He did wrong and owes your mom an apology and I agree with you that the other spouse should throw the cheater out of the house and sue his a.s for everything legally they can get. But to confront him will accomplish nothing. As for you, not all guys are this way, so please dont not trust all because of one bad apple or you may never take a chance on love and that wouldnt be fair to you. Your mom is a very special person that can forgive and forget and is standing by her man no matter what so let her handle this. You can let her know where you stand but dont confront him, as tempting as this is. Someday your mom will see this guy for what he truly is and leave him and then you can vent in divorce court on your moms behalf. Good luck

Answer 5

I have learned down through the years that "it takes two" in every marriage. You have to let go of the hostility you have for your father, because he is your "father"....

Perhaps someday he will feel comfortable enough to explain to you, from his side, what went wrong. It sounds like your mom filled you in on all the negativity's on your dad, out of anger & hurt... but, Im sure there were good points too.

Dont think that there is a pattern here, it doesnt mean it will happen to you, so dont put your life on hold, find someone you truly Love, & who loves you.. Marriages constantly need work in order to be solid....

Something my Gram said years ago about marriage. You cant just plant a flower garden, and expect it to grow without nurturing it with water, pulling weeds & working it!!!!!!!!!

Answer 6

Stay out of it. Don't take sides. Your mother is handling it the right way. So you should honor her wishes. It's hard, I know. And it sucks too. But you will eventually realize that this is between your Mom and Dad. You will only make it worse (especially for yourself) if you take sides. Being angry and concluding that you will never trust men again is just not productive. Judging every man by your father's actions will get you nowhere fast.

Answer 7

Unfortunately, this is a situation your mom has to deal with. It is sad that you have to witness it or even know about it and of course you are hurt. However, until your mom makes the decision to divorce him and move on, you should leave it alone. I am saying this because say one day she decides to forgive him and rebuild their relationship. You may be the one standing in the wings, confused, and even more hurt. So, my point is this, let your mom be an adult and make an adult decision. You can only hope that she makes the right one.

Best of luck!

Answer 8

Please, on behave on men in particular, and humans in general, may I point out that it's barely possible that not every family gets into drama as much as your family seems to enjoy. That's all they're doing. sort of a family soap opera. Mother rapers, Father stabbers, Father rapers(Alice's Restaurant) Some family get togethers do get bit extreme. But some families are normal. At least normal enough that weird behavior is noted, judged, and frowned upon. Don't bother hating your Dad. Sadly, our society expects cheating, and too many live down to that expectation.

Answer 9

Yes. What he done is wrong and you deserve an explanation as well as your mom. A divorce would be the best thing for her but that is her decision and why she still wants the marriage is something only she knows. Hope you get the answer's you seek.

Answer 10

I think that you should talk to your dad, but dont do it with the rage. Rage aint going to help matters none. You need to let you dad know how this makes you feel and how it makes you look at guys. I would have done what you said, but i wouldnt let him back because once a cheater always a cheater.