Need advice -- Desperatley?

Question

I have been living with my bf for two years now, we are basically getting engaged soon. Heres the facts:

- He can't drink without getting angry
- Hes not just angry he gets violent
- He has damaged our vehicles 3 times over this and on several occasions me

He met a old friend on Myspace that I don't know. Latley, it seems to me like he wants to be single again and go to bars and all that crap. He says he doesn't.

I don't trust him to hang out w/ppl on his own because he has poor judgement on characters and decisions. When he does go on his own he comes home late, etc. He hasn't cheated or anything like that.

He says to me "i am going out with my friend from myspace sometime soon" (old HS buddies)

I say no... he wants to go but all this person posts is about going to bars and getting drunk. This means hes a bachelor goes to bars and looks for pussy. I can't drink yet.

Can he go or can't he?? In your opinion, don't give me the "do you trust him" crap.

Answer 1

Now is the time to quit this relationship. This guy is obviously the wrong guy for you. He needs professional help to control his violence or he will end up in prison and hopefully you wont be the victim or hes going to drive drunk and kill someone, again hopefully not you or someone innocent. He needs to do alot of growing up before he even thinks of getting married. There is nothing here about trust. This guy is extremely dangerous and is a disaster waiting to happen. You dont need to be involved with this guy because all hes going to do is take you down with him. Really bad scene and you dont need to be a part of it. Just tell him unless he gets immediate help, youre gone and dont want anything to do with him til he changes and puts you on top of his priority list. He probably wont listen to you so the next time hes out, you leave and dont contact him and dont let him know where you are. If youre afraid of him coming after you, get a restraining order against him for your protection. This is a very seriously dangerous situation, so get out while you still can. Good luck

Answer 2

You may not like my Thoughts. First of all if you cant drink then that means that your not yet twenty-one so I'm going to forgive you and give you some grown women advice.

As women we tend to ignore the red flags that clearly state that this man is a loser.

Secondly you can't fix a man or change him into what you want him to be because you love him and will have his back no matter what. Start learning to have your own back, by taking care of self and not settling for a loser that hits on you and get drunk. HE WILL NOT CHANGE HE IS SHOWING YOU WHO HE REALLY IS. Wake up before your fifty and going through the same thing every day. LET HIS BUTT GO, so you can make a better choice for next time.

Answer 3

Leaving aside the idea of three strikes,1 angry, 2 violent, 3 Beat up three cars? OK. A guy having a few beers with friends after work isn't a big deal, a person living with, and getting married shouldn't be cruising on Saturday night. Not even with Sainted Aunt Matilda, who longs to see life in the city If he has so little respect for your feelings and wishes , it isn't gonna get better if you marry. Add in that you can't trust him out alone- ADDING nope, doesn't add up to happy, satisfying marriage. Miss, be reasonable. You'll waste your life on this one, He might turn out fine, for someone else, but not for you, at least not until he grows up. You know you need to separate. At least for a while. Months, not days. There is no hope, if he can't be trusted.

Answer 4

I'd be off like a prom dress.
In all seriousness, as much as you may care for him, this guy is a total loser. Going out, getting drunk, beating you, damaging your vehicle. If it's happened once (which it sounds like more than that) it will happen again. No woman should have to live that way. You deserve better than him. Pack your bags and RUN and DO NOT LOOK BACK! He will probably grovel and promise you to the world, and to treat you like a queen. It will happen, but it won't last very long. You WILL fall back into the same pattern.
*And please-check out the links below. They are for victims of domestic violence, and there are help lines.*
1-800-799-SAFE

Answer 5

He's basically single until he's engaged or married, in which case, he can't be doing the things he's doing now. But do you honestly want to marry this kind of person? Never mind the going out all the time stuff, what about his violent tendencies when he gets drunk? Don't put your life in jeapardy. Besides, marriage isn't going to change him unless he wants to. This is the BS you'll be putting up with should he decide to continue his ways.

Answer 6

Girl, i was married to a man who drank ever day! And he would be violent when he drank, we would always fight and he would break ****, put holes in the walls and crap. He even went to jail for beating me up! It went on for 13 years!! He would tell me he would change and crap and he never did! It just got worse. I finally left him and i can now sleep in peace! If he really loved you then what the hell does he need to be going out with friends and talking to people on myspace?? And why doesn't he ask you to come along?? I would tell him if he went then it was over! The hell with that ****!

Answer 7

He has been violent with you and you want to keep him? Trust me, it will only get worse if you marry him. Let him go to the bar and find someone else while you move out or change the locks. He is an adult and can go where he wants to, people don't own their partners. There are plenty of guys out there who don't hit women.

Answer 8

The bigger issue here is that he has a problem with alcohol, and you suffer abuse at his hands because of it. Who cares what he does when he's out with the boys... that is of no importance compared to the bigger issue here. He is an alcoholic. You can't change that- only HE can, and that will only happen if he wants to change it. Sometimes the best thing you can do for someone with this type of problem is leave them alone, bail out, and save yourself. Sometimes it takes losing something you love to get the message and realize it's time for things to change. You aren't doing him any favors by sticking around- you're only hurting yourself by sitting by and watching him hurt himself, and allowing him to ruin your life by abusing you. And chances are, if he can abuse you, he won't think twice about cheating on you too. I would not stick around and allow yourself to be hurt anymore than you already have. There are lots of good men out there who don't drink and abuse women. Find one, before you become another statistic. Good luck!

Answer 9

I only have 2 words that I want to make clear to you girl! "LEAVE HIM"....I'm not trying 2 dog on you or anything, but don't marry him. I promise you when I say, that It'll get worse once you get married! If it's hard for me and I have a GOOD husband who supports me and is loving, then guess what it's gonna be REALLY hard for you....Find you some friends and don't always depend on him so that you can have fun. I'm not telling you to go out and drink and smoke or whatever, but have you some good clean fun, so that IN CASE you stay with him, he'll see that you have a back-up plan and that you can take matters into your own hands. Don't rely or depend on him for everything...I'm not saying that you do, but it kinda sounds like that! Girl, let him be with his myspace friend....he's not gonna find nothin' good out there and guess what, if he finds something, it's just gonna be hoes, and after he's with them for a while, then he'll just wanna come back to you cause you know what they say "you can't turn no ho, into no housewife"....BE STRONG and when he wants to hang out, just say "O.K. You can either hang out with me and we'll go out 2-gether, or you hang out with your friend, and I'm going out without you"....I promise you, he WON'T like that....

Answer 10

Okay, I'll tell you straight up. If your'e feeling uncomfortable with your boyfriend of two years, it isn't worth it to marry him and see if it gets better. You should wait and see if it gets better BEFORE you guys get married. Otherwise, he could abuse you (I'm not saying that he will, I'm opening my mind to possibilities) and that would be bad. I don't personally know you or your boyfriend but I suggest you make him clean up his act or dump him. If he loved you, he would change for you in an instant.

(Because if he's causing trouble for you now, if he's abusing you now, it'll just get worse for you and maybe your possible future children.)

And if you love him, you would let him know that you're feeling uncomfortable.

I say that if he doesn't change when you talk to him about this, dump him, because you don't deserve that, you deserve much better ^_^

I hope everything works out!