I've been developing some feelings for a guy from work. Problem - I'm married.?

Question

I started a new job a few months ago and is how I met this guy, who is also married. We speak to each other on a daily basis. We even take our breaks and go to lunch together. We have so much in common. I love my husband very much, but at the same time I want to be with this guy. He asked me out for friendly drinks and I said yes. I know that if do meet him for drinks, I will be all over him. I'm tempted to go and see what happens. What makes it exciting is that my husband is away on a business trip and would never ever find out if I actually did something with this guy. Do you think I should go and see what happens?

Answer 1

You already said yes to his offer of going out for drinks, so if you change your mind what will you tell him? Oh I know, tell him your hubby's boss is coming to dinner this weekend and you need to clean up the house!

Answer 2

Look again at your own question because you have already answered it. If you know that you would be all over this guy if you went somewhere with him, then why would you go? Most affairs occur within the work place because these are the people we spend most of our time with. It is natural to find a co worker attractive and it is natural to have similiar things in common but when we let these infatuations control our behaviors then we must stop and take a long look at ourselves. If he invited you out for friendly drinks after work then why not invite both of your spouses to go along too? After all you are both married to other people and marriage isn't built off of lies, deceit, or mistrust. Try looking at things from another perspective.....what if your husband thought as you are right now....he is out of town on a business trip, what if he met someone, and was asked out for friendly drinks after work and he agreed to go and because you were at home and would never know he did, how would that make you feel? You... are the one who would always know, whether he ever found out or not and are you willing to go through life and marriage knowing that? How can you honestly say you love your husband very much and in the next breath say but you want to be with this guy? That is a contradiction to what marriage is. You already know what would happen so why would you even think about going.

Answer 3

Can I tell you how many women across America have written the same paragraph you wrote? Lots.......

I don't need to go into long explanations here.....if you want the long version, go to the other similar questions I recently answered about this. The short version is this: You have one option here......and I know it sounds nuts, but I've been where you are and been through the 7th reign of hell because of it..........find a new job immediately. Don't talk to this man, don't look at him, while you still work there. Get out of the job. Believe it or not, you've gone too far already, but you can still save yourself. Put a picture of you and your husband on your desk at work on display for all to see.....including yourself. There is no such thing as "it'll only happen once" or "my husband won't find out." I can tell you what WILL happen if you go out with this guy.....or even if you continue working together.

Now.....IF you are unhappy in your marriage, I suggest you get out of it before you go testing the waters........and IF that day comes when you are single, stay the hell away from other married men. Trust me, what i said is the only answer. You are playing with fire, only you haven't the slightest clue how bad the burns can be.

Answer 4

No no no! You need to take a step back from the situation. Think of what your life would be like without your husband in it. Remember all of the things that made you fall in love with him and think about how hurt he will be IF he were to find out. Also, this thing that you feel for the work guy is probably just sexual feelings and attraction and not real love. Do not put yourself in such a tempting situation knowing full well that you could end up sleeping with him. Remember, once the deed is done, you cannot take it back. Good luck.

Answer 5

You are only thinking about this work guy because all you see of him is the good stuff. He would be a fool to bring his bad stuff to work. You fill in the gaps of what you don't know, with what your imagination invents......stuff that you wish were true.
Fact is, you're both married. You both chose people to share your lives with. You promised to honor that. You would both lose respect for each other if you went anywhere with this thing.
Another fact: work relationships are a bad idea. Not only for you two, but it gets everyone at work involved. You create a reputation, and it is bad for morale.
Stay away from thinking this will go anywhere. Don't create relationships with people that do not involve your spouse. That is inappropriate.
So you like this guy's attention? Invite him and his wife over for dinner and a game of progressive rummy, or drinks and a movie. Go out to places on a double date.....
Once you get to see him in action, how he treats his wife, and your husband, you will get to know him better. Once you see more of who he is, it will probably make you appreciate your husband more.
Good luck, have fun!

Answer 6

I was in the same situation and I am so grateful nothing happened. At the time, the passion we felt for each other was so strong and we were so tempted to cheat. We both were in loving relationships and felt bad about actually doing something, so it never happened. We really, really wanted to, but refrained. I moved across country and we chatted via IM for awhile, but it fizzled out and I'm so glad nothing ever happened. I think the guilt would have been tremendous and would have eventually ruined my marriage. Plus, every time I looked at my children, I thought to myself, "how could I cheat on my husband - it would be like cheating on you guys".

I must admit it was fun teasing and tempting fate. But, like the Elton John song goes, "some things look better just passing through". In hindsight, I'm glad I stuck to my gut and let it pass. No matter how great the sex would have been, it wouldn't have been worth the lifetime of guilt.

Good luck and trust your inner voice.

Answer 7

Are you ready to risk losing your marriage and job over this guy? Nothing good could ever come out of this so please forget it. Remember, its not having what you want but wanting what you got. Do you really think this guy would ever talk to you again if he gets what he wants? You may be the object of a bet around your work. If it sounds too good to be true then it probably is. You dont need to go and see what happens because you know exactly what will happen if you do. Can you live with the guilt that will come with this when you face your husband again and there will be plenty of it, I see it everyday from spouses who wish they could take it all back again and it never happened. I cant rebuild peoples lives once theyve done stupiod things but I try to help prevent them. So please dont, its not worth it! Good luck

Answer 8

If your set or moral principles does not allow for adultery, then you should not do it.

If your set of morale principles does allow for adultery, then you may do it, but it may be disastrous.

The last four words of a cheating spouse: How did you know?

Weigh the cost of getting a divorce and being a divorced single andask yourself if you truly want all the trouble.

I am not going to say "good luck" or "good *uck!"

It sounds like you want to play with this guy because he is forbidden fruit. That's why some people speed when they have plenty of time, others shoplift when they have plenty of money, why some people grumble when their life is grand. They want something more - something which they are not allowed to have.

"Having is not the same as wanting. It is not logical, but it is often true." - Spock

Answer 9

#1. You don't sh-t where you eat. Even if you're both single, you just DON"T date someone you work with. Because that can get real uncomfortable should you break-up.
#2. You're both married. Come-on, what do each of you stand to gain from this? Trust me, you can't built happiness from other people's unhappinesses.

You know, this actually happened to me once. My ex-husband and I had a business together. One of the men who worked for us used to get upset by the way my husband treated me. He finally admitted to me that he was attracted to me and wanted to be with me. As attracted I was to him, I was mature enough to realize that it would never work. I told him too that even in the best of circumstances I would never date someone I worked with. The next day he quit his job and there was a dozen roses on my desk! My husband was confused, but after that he treated me with more respect. The ironic ending to this story is that my husband eventually left me for a woman we hired. Then 6 mos. later he wanted me back! (Oh, I don't think so!) Anyway, three years later he was cheating on her with someone else. Looking back, I'm glad ... because without that experience I wouldn't be where I am today. Then every so often I would think about the man who sacrificed his job for me. I look myself in the mirror and I smile ...

Answer 10

I think your playing with fire. Your looking for permission to cheat on your husband. It is never ok to cheat. How would you feel if your husband was not on a trip but spending his time with a girlfriend? Leave the guy at work alone and dont start something up.

Answer 11

Don't be stupid, what you want to do is get on the phone and call your husband and get busy with him over the phone. That will take your mind off the other guy. Do you know what guilt will do to you? It will hunt you for the rest of your live.
keep this man at arms length especially at work because this is nothing but infatuation.