i'm 14 and i have been dating a guy for about 11 months now. we love eachother alot and i would do anything for him. he doesn't abuse me or anything but he seems a little demanding and controllable. if i go to someones house he is always wondering what were doing and sometimes he will accuse me of kissing another guy but later he will say he is just playing around or kidding with me.. like he got mad at me the other day for telling him i'd call him right back because my other frined called. and he got mad over that. he also got mad at me for kissing another girl and he satrted saying i was going to turn into a lesbian but im not and im not bi or anything and he also got mad at me one day for wearing a short skirt because he said i looked liek a slut which i didn't and he was telling me to put on pants or something BUT what im wondering is does he get mad to easily at me for little things or is he too demanding?.. what do i need to do?
2006-08-11 12:08:32 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
he has never hit me before though
2006-08-11 12:16:15 · update #1
hes 14 also
2006-08-11 12:43:31 · update #2
Lets face it.. confront the issue head on.
You are 14.. He is how old? Whatever he is, he is acting a bit immature. But then again, the problem you're explaining is a common one. I don't really see it as controlling. He's worried-- which means he possibly is jealous?
Obviously you mean something to him. He may have called you a ****. But, that doesn't mean he's insulting you. It just means he doesn't want people hitting on you.
I've had g/f's that have worn things, I thought was to be a bit ****y...but I didn't call her a ****! That's just asking for trouble. I usually will say something along the lines of, "Are you really wearing that?" or my violent approach, "you have got to be kidding me... your going to go out wearing that skimpy lil thing?" And I usually laugh bout it.
Cept, I think it's funny when guys hit on my girl.. Not only that, I'm a little flattered because I have just been congratulated for having good taste. lol
....All, in all, he can't really control people hitting on you. And you guys are no doubt, not married, so, that tends to happen.
Adolescence is where you learn who you are. And this includes relationships. Don't expect all relationships to be perfect. Put into a simular context, you are dating someone that doesn't yet know quite who he is. Likewise, with him-- Do you know exactly who you are?
Of course you may criticize me, but I doubt that you do. Most people don't actually figure out who they are until their mid 20's.
The kid you are explaining about-- your boyfriend has a lot to learn. And, so do you. Number 1, a man, a mature one at that would not complain about any of those, except for maybe the skirt thing... Depends.. How short is the skirt? If it's barely covering your crotch, than yes, I would have to agree with him.. That is a bit much isn't it?
Lets turn this whole thing upside down and look at it from your point of view-- we'll also switch gender. Say your man kissed a guy, would you be worried that he would be gay? Or turn out gay? Guys don't kiss eachother too much, and when they do, it seems a bit odd. I'm white, and have Arabic friends. When we meet, kissing on each cheek is a sign of respect and dignitiy towards the other. I have done that in public too, and cought some extrodinary looks-- but you know what.. **** them...
I'm getting off track. Now, say you called him, and he was talking to one of his "girl" friends. He told you that he'd call you back when he was off the phone. What would you think?
If he was always going over to his friends house, and going out somewhere, or always around girls (I have a teenage cousin I support.. she always hangs around boys, so I'm assuming you do the same.. Sorry, if I'm wrong), wouldn't you be a little curious?
Another factor... has he ever cheated on you? And have you ever cheated on him?
Also sounds like this guy is "more" into this relationship than you are. Maybe this is his first relationship.
Whether or not anything I just said means anything, the key here is communication. A relationship cannot exist without it.
You need to sit down with this guy. And you need to tell him how you feel. You need to ask him questions, and you need let him know pretty much what you've just asked us.
There doesn't need to be anyone blaming. Try to exclude You this.. you that. That's generalizing, which can lead to deeper issues. You're not trying to insult here. You're just trying to figure eachother out.
Make sure he knows what's going on. From your passage, it sounds as if he would be more than willing to have a talk.
Criticizm is good-- but don't overdo it. You can tell him he's acting mature, but will it change anything? Probably not. That is something he will grow into. Remember, you're still immature as well..
A leader cannot teach something he is not. So, don't get into maturity, etc.. Besides, females hit puberty much earlier than most boys. The time boys mature to men are much longer than females as well-- that's a natural event, which is extended over a period of time.
There is no reason to break up with him. That is something an idiot would do-- no offense to whoever said that. Breaking up with them without figuring out what it is.. that actually is, derives from assumptions.
Don't assume unless you see it dead in your face. That would be common sense; a different story.
Assuming is like cheating, given the fact that no research has been conducted. And, no research is an equivalent, to an invalid excuse.
Hope everything works out..
Take care.. c-ya
--Rob :)~
2006-08-11 12:38:08 · answer #1 · answered by stealth_n700ms 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first of all you stated that this guy wasn't abusive! Are you seriouse? Someone doesn't have to touch you to abuse you! If he is making you wonder like this then that is abuse! If he is accusing you for things you didn't do and telling you to wear what he want you to wear then that is abuse! And why did you kiss another girl if you're not bi or gay? If i was your boyfriend i would kinda have a problem with that. If he get mad at you for doing something then later tell you he was just playing then that is also abuse. This guy is abusing you mentally! My suggession is for you to talk to him. If he doen't change then let him go because girlfriend you are only 14 you have a long way to go and trust me their will be better and worst than this so don't worry!
2006-08-11 19:21:37 · answer #2 · answered by antonette_lawrence 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You are looking at future problems possibly physical and mental abuse. If you want to stay in the relationship, talk to him and tell him that you have friends outside of you all relationship and you suggest he find friends as well. Tell him that he is too controlling and that's not healthy for the relationship (you want a boyfriend, not a father). Also tell him if he can't trust you then you all do not need to be in a relationship. Trust me, he's not kidding or playing when he makes accusations about you cheating on him. Be careful and save yourself from a lot of future headache and heartache.
2006-08-11 20:00:54 · answer #3 · answered by Shay 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Take it from me, I have been there at your age. I was stupid enough to marry him at 15, it only lasted a couple of years. From what you are saying they could be related. I fell head over heals and knew I was in love. But it isn't love it is your hormones acting up. You should wait and when love comes around you will find out that it feels a lot different then what you have now.
Finish school and date enjoy life now.
2006-08-11 20:03:40 · answer #4 · answered by Tiana C 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
This is how guys start with dating violence.You need to breakup with him.He is too controlling you can spot it right off.Women in todays shelters can tell you he starts off all sweet,then it's yelling cuz of something he doesn't like,then it's him beating you.This is a dangerous relationship that will turn violent if it isn't already has pushed you against a locker,smacked you,etc. well if he has then that is abuse and you need to get out before it is too late.Tell a police officer or your parents,someone.
2006-08-11 19:14:15 · answer #5 · answered by movin12006 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He's an immature little boy - you'll meet real men as you get older. These teenage relationships are temporary
2006-08-11 19:10:59 · answer #6 · answered by drsteve362005 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Um guess he is not ready for a gf yet.
You are bolth young anyways.
2006-08-11 19:27:21 · answer #7 · answered by position28 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
those are signs of future abusers and over jealousy. Get out while you can!!!
2006-08-11 19:15:27 · answer #8 · answered by woodtigerdp 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
i think that he is just making sure you are all right and not cheating at him if you feel to let him go then do it girl
2006-08-11 19:17:06 · answer #9 · answered by julia 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You need to put that boy in his place.
2006-08-11 19:12:11 · answer #10 · answered by Giggles 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋