Is it really better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all (read on)?

Question

Ok, here's my story.....I had it pretty rough growing up, both of my parents were drugatics and alcoholics (my dad more than my mom). My dad however was a violent drunk and very mean and threatening and had been to jail/prison more times than I can count. He's burnt down our house, wrecked every car we've owned and destroyed everything and would always threaten to kill with a butcher knife he had. We were also pretty poor. We lived in this crappy trailer that didn't have heat, water, electricity or anything. We heated our "house" with a kerosine heater which is also what we cooked our food on and we used the bathroom outside using a pile of cement blocks for support and I slept on the floor. When I was 12 my mom finally decided to leave my dad but when she did that all she did was jump out of the frying pan into the fire. She started dating a guy that was a dope dealer and had been in prison for rape among other things. He was an awful perve. After he tried to hit me one night I finally had had enough and walked to my mamaws house and lived with her for a while. My mom finally got her act together after about a year of dating the idiot and so did my dad. My dad even went back to highschool and got his degree, got baptised and started going to college to become a counselor, but he still got messed up sometimes and would end up in the hospital. Then, a month before my 14th birthday he died. Ok, this isn't all to my story but its all I'm going to write because to tell you about everything thats happened I would need a book. Ok, here's my problem....I think I'm too picky. I have seen so many failed relationships and I just don't want that to happen to me. I'm 17 years old and have never had a boyfriend because I always find something amatter with them. I'm just afraid of being heartbroken. What should I do? I don't want to end up lonely when I get older, but I don't want to be heartbroken either.

Answer 1

You have been through so much in your young life and I am sorry you had to experience all of that. However, I think it has made you not a picky person, but a person who knows what she wants in life. You have seen what happens when you just "settle".

Stick to your guns. Eventually you will meet someone who puts a smile not just on your lips but also in your heart.

Good luck.

Answer 2

You need to take several classes on relationships, how to meet a good match, and hon your skills for a great relationship. It sounds like you have no confidence in your ability to recognize someone that would be a good match for you. I'm sure this probably carries over to other women as well. Your life will be whatever you decide it will be. You need skills and a determination to create a better life for yourself. Persue these skills and educate yourself on what a real relationship full of love and gratitude is all about. You will build your confidence and from there you will be able to make choices that you feel good about with or without a boyfriend. Your past is your past - You have definately learned what you don't want - That is for sure!

I would encourage you to go to College and focus on getting an education - No one will ever be able to take that away from you.

Now...the subject of being happy is really quite up to you. Your childhood does not define who you truly are. Just remember to play by the rules and make your own life story. I know you can do it!

Answer 3

Ok, here it is from my prespective. You have to be very picky! After being brought up in the life style like you were, some people gravitate towards the same type of life style.You need to make sure you are around the right type of people. Ones who look for a good life. Have morals and goals. You are young and still have many years ahead of you to find that special someone. So start practicing now. Learn to find the type of people who will help you, not hold you back. This may sound a little cheesy to you but one place to find a prospective partner would be in a church. Most people there, ( Not All, so you have to be careful there as well) have the right type of morels and understanding you need. Plus you can find guidence to the road for your life as well.

I wish you the best

Answer 4

Honey, you are really to young to be worried about being alone when you are older. For the next 10 years or so you should think about YOU!!! However you can learn from both your parents mistakes. Do not give up before you even need to get started. As you grow and become more mature you will decide when and how much you can trust anyone. Just remember to put yourself first for a long while. You sound very centered and express yourself very well.

Answer 5

i had parents that were the same way, i was a run away since 12, and i was in shelters etc, when i turned 17 i married a guy because i got pregnant and he was just like my step dad that i hated, you were raised a certain way and it will seem comfortable to be treated badly by boyfriends etc.. because that is all you have known, take some time to figure out what you want, write a list of what you would like to have as a mate and stick to it other wise you will be a magnet for abusers, make your standards high you've already suffered enough, you are still young and have plenty of time to find your soul mate god is working on him right now so he will be perfect for you. seek counseling to disarm some of the old beliefs you have about your self, when you get abused as a child you get low self esteem, you need to work through that otherwise abusive boyfriend will just confirm that false belief, i love you sweetie you're not alone

Answer 6

First thing I would do is get some counselling. With all that you have been through you need to rid your mind of the awful things in your childhood. To have a relationship with someone you have to get rid of the baggage. You are young, so you can take your time to find the right one for you. There are no guarantees in any relationship, but if you know what to avoid you can narrow your choices down.

I think at one point in everyone's life they have had their heart broken. That's part of growing and learning. There is someone out there for you, but first you need the counselling. Then you can move on with your life with a clean slate.

Answer 7

Honey, I can relate to what you are saying. I have not married anyone yet because of that same reason. My life as a child/teen, was pretty hectic as well, I did find someone when I was 19 1/2yrs old.
I thought that we were totally in love and that we would be together for the rest of our lives! (I was wrong)! I even had a son with him! But after being together for 2 1/2 years, it was over. My mother was paralyzed from the waist down, my father had died when I was very young. My son & I went to live with my mother. I told myself that the only true loves that I will ever have in my life will be my son & mother!!!!!!! (I was wrong again)! It had taken over 20yrs before I found my true love! I am still caustious, because I don't want to go through with having that horrible pain ever again! I don't believe I will go through that now that I am with him! And I have also realized that it is much better to have a man out there that truly loves & wants to be with me, instead of shying away from him and being so extremely caustious to where I will end up spending the rest of my life unhappy & alone!!!!! My son is a grown man now, and my mother past away years ago! I don't want to be alone, I honestly believe that I have finnally found my one & only true love & soul mate!
It might have taken a lot of years, but believe me(It is worth it)! Don't give up on love honey! I believe that he is really out there, and he is also waiting & wanting to find you!!!!!!!!
Good Luck
&
God Bless You!!!!!!!!!

Answer 8

You are very young for true love. I found love at 24. Get to know yourself and make yourself into the type of woman you can be proud of before you worry aboit finding a man. The right one will come along and you will know. He will accept you for who you have become, no matter how much your past affects you. He will understand and protect you. Just give it some time. Imagine your ideal relationship and never settle for a man who does not worship the ground you walk on.

Answer 9

I understand your feelings about relationships and what you have been through. I felt that way too before I really found the person who I can share my life with.
There is really no good advice for like this situation, but what I could recommend to you is to enjoy yourself first, you're 17yrs.old only you have so many years before you start worrying about marriage..While enjoying life try to look around see what kind of guys you really want to spend your life with but also considering the past you been thru. And when you find the guy you really want, ask him questions get to know him better see if he has the qualities of becoming a good husband, head of the family, father.

Answer 10

At 17, there is certainly NO rush to make any decsions of that magnitude. You have your whole life ahead of you. Finish high school, go to college, get a good job, then start looking for the kind of man that would make a good husband for you, and a good Dad for your kids. You will NOT end up lonely with the good head you have on your shoulders! Just continue to use it...you're doing great!!