I've been going out with my girlfriend for almost 3 years now. We want to get married and start living together. The problem is that she really respects her dad and does't want to get married unless she gets his blessings. She says that he doesn't like me at all. I don't understand why. The only reason I can think of is that I'm not Japanese like his family. Also he lives in Japan so it's hard to get to know him. Is there anybody else going through the same problem??
2006-08-11 11:18:33 · 14 answers · asked by CookieMonster 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The reason she wants his blessing is because she doesn't want to lose her family and I wouldn't want her to either. She says she'll eventually get married with me even if he doesn't approve. Also I took a trip to Japan a couple of months ago to meet her parents. I met her mom and she really loves me, her dad however left town on "business". So even if I take the time to visit her dad, he still wont see me.
2006-08-11 11:34:09 · update #1
It is just an asian culture. They don't like their children to marry fogrein people. You need to learn the Japanese culture: eating talking, habbit, especially respecting old people. But the main thing is that they need to know if you have a life time commitment with marriage and their daughter (most american don't). Just try to make them have trust on you.
Do you know any Japanese word yet? If not, learn some. If you can say some Japanese sentences, packuo and go back to Japan with her to meet her parents. Good luck!
And more, most people here sound the american way. It is true that her dad does not like you just because you are american. That is it. Beleive me, once her parents accept you, they will love you without any condition. It is the culture. And most people here seem not to know asain culture at all.
2006-08-11 11:34:45 · answer #1 · answered by Henry 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If she really wants her father's blessing, you would be making a BIG mistake if you don't talk with him first. If she says he doesn't like you, then you have some more problems. You and her have to work through this to determine what you do. Personally, I would do what I can to get her father to understand that you really love each other and that you will take care of her as best as you possibly can. Him being Japanese though, and in Japan will make this more difficult. The other option, and this would be her call is to go ahead and get married without his permission. Problem with this though is that she may be saying good-bye to her family forever. Best of luck.
2006-08-11 18:25:52 · answer #2 · answered by Brian V 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think a lot of us have had to deal with parents that don't like us wanting to marry their daughters. In your case it is a bit harder for you because of the distance and the fact that it may be a cultural issue as well. The first thing I would recommend is that you take time to find out what his cultural beliefs are and what he views as being important in a guy for his daughter. Take this task very seriously and take time to immerse yourself in the cultural aspect of it. You need to not only understand her dad but have a real basis for his feelings. Once you have done that then you can examine your life and your relationship with his daughter and see if there is more you need to do to stand even the slightest chance of earning his approval. After that is complete then you need to take time to visit him and spend time with him and show him that you have the potential to be the man he envisions his daughter marrying. Then ask him for her hand in marriage and tell him straight out in terms he will relate to how you will be that man that deserves his daughter. If he still doesn't approve then you and your girl friend will have to decide what to do.
2006-08-11 18:25:14 · answer #3 · answered by rkrell 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Get a book on how to do business with the Japanese. Learn the rituals and expectations of those in that culture. Follow the guidelines.
Make an effort to learn and know the culture more.
Find out what he's interested in and bring or send him an appropriate gift related to an interest of his.
Do all of this without telling your girlfreind.
2006-08-11 18:29:30 · answer #4 · answered by mrpeabody 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I haven't quite gone through it, but I know plenty who have. It's a really tough line to walk, especially considering your situation of not being in close proximity. I'm guessing I'd respond different from you.
I'd actually be a little offended that this was coming between us. I feel like she's choosing him over me, and I don't know if I'd want to marry someone knowing I'm only second on her list. Has she tried to defend you to him? If so, that's a start at least. But if she'd still side with her dad even after putting up a fight, personally I'd be inclined to get out. If you tell her that and she still won't change her mind, that should speak volumes.
2006-08-11 18:25:21 · answer #5 · answered by Phil 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am not going through this problem but many other people are and it is sad when you really care or love someone that everything not always go the way you want it planned so my advice if you cannot talk to him write him a letter or plan evening from advice from your girlfriend of what he likes and try to do it and see if he can get a better of understanding of you and the love for his daughter
2006-08-11 18:24:14 · answer #6 · answered by Fantasy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In America it is BEST to ask the Father for permission to marry his daughter. Ask her if that is also best in Japan. Next, try to convince him that you will do right by his daughter (hold a job and treat her with love and respect). Tell him that you respect his opinion and wishes, and you will listen to anything he has to say. You might even humble yourself and tell him you are so sorry that you are not japanese, but you are who you are and love his daughter with all your heart.
2006-08-11 18:32:30 · answer #7 · answered by arvecar 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is she using this as a crutch? Why did she spend 3 years with you if she knows her dad doesn't like you, especially if it is over something you can't change. How can her dad really not like you if he is in Japan- how well can he know you? I think you need to step back and see if this is right for you. Whatever you do, don't settle for something less than you deserve.
2006-08-11 18:24:20 · answer #8 · answered by Queen 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Am sorry because am not goin through the same situation/problem, but i can help so Check this out: i think you should get to know to know her father more even though its takes you forever. if you really love your gurlfriend and want to leave with her your whole like i think you might want to consider being friends with her side of the family...there is the issues nowadays with people goin out with other people of DIFFERENT race... this problem might now go away, but we might try to get it out...so I think that you should also get other people to talk to your gurl's father people you know that can persuade him to change his mind about gettin married to her, i also think you should be a gentleman about it and should not rush into anything that you dont want to be stoke with...so in other words TRY HARDER AND HADER to talk to your gurl's father and also allow other people to talk to him it, also try to take away the issue about you not bein the same race, if your gurl want to do the same, she should talk to her father too [if shes that close to her father] she should tell him how much you and her are both IN-LOVE...stuff like that...[GOOD LUCK, HOPE IT HELPS]
2006-08-11 18:31:32 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just hold on and respect the issue. Eventually everything will pan out. Be patient.
2006-08-11 18:22:03 · answer #10 · answered by Mee Mee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋