i need help here....?

Question

I was with my ex-wife for 2 yrs she was kind,loving,and a good friend....But everytime i decided not to agree with her,,or go places with her...shes would do a 360 and turn into a angry,crazed ***** who would actually resort to violence....
I havent been with her for 3 yrs and i am still bothered by the question of maybe it was my fault...do any of you have this problem with your wifes....She also statded accusing me of cheating and would actually go through my wallet and cell phone... It was to much for me to bear...Was i right to leave her for the way she was????

Answer 1

It was not your fault. She was the problem. First off, she had control issues. She wanted everything her way and if she didn't get it, she stomped around like a 3 yr. old. Secondly, she had trust issues. Assuming you didn't do anything to make her think you were cheating, then the problem was her. Since it has been 3 yrs since you were with her, let it go and be assured that you probably did the right thing to leave that kind of relationship where you would be in a position to put up with it. Bottom line: you were in an abusive marriage and it wasn't worth it.

Answer 2

I think you were right to leave. I believe at this point in your life you are being consumed by your conscience and the 'could-a, would-a, should-a' such as "what would have happened if I stayed?" "would have I been happier with her?" But the fact is, she was abusive and regardless, you still love her. Think about why you married her in the first place and assess how many of those positive points still exist in your mind today. I think that marriage is never easy. Everything we do is compromise. You want to go see a movie, she wants to go dancing...what do you decide? Are you always the one who compromises so that she doesn't throw a tantrum and act like a two year old? What if you want to raise a family with this person? Would you want her treating your children this way? What sort of mother will she be? These are questions you need to answer for yourself. Don't regret the decisions you have made. If the situation were reversed...and it was you in her shoes there wouldn't be a single answer on this page that would say: "take him back, he acts that way and beats you because he loves you". I hope you find your happiness somewhere else.

Answer 3

I have a feeling what you might be asking instead of "was it my fault?" is the question, "is there anything I could have done to save the marriage?"

No it's not your fault. She sounds a little nuts......people who are violent have problems that need professional help, and as far as I'm concerned, there's no difference between a man being violent and a woman. You do not have to live like that, no matter what your gender. Could you have done anything to save the relationship? Maybe......that depends on if you DID try or not. We dont' know that. But if you HAD tried, it would have been a difficult path for you. So don't beat yourself up.......I'm sure you miss the "nice side" of her and regret losing that. Also remember this: when we're away from people we once loved, we tend to remember the good stuff and forget why the heck we couldn't live with them....and then we start to question ourselves. But I'm pretty sure if you had to spend a day in a room with her today, you'd instantly remember why the heck you got out and say, "Thank goodness!!!"

Answer 4

Yep, she obviously had some serious mental issues, they were her issues and not your fault. She had them before you met her and she'll have them until she sees them and what they cost her and decides to get some help for herself. There is no reason to live like that. Unless you are a psychiatrist and didn't recognize her issues you did what you could. They were never your fault, if you talked to ex's of hers they would have the same stories you do, so will the next ones. So many people just go through life blaming everyone else and never looking in the mirror and considering what their part is, you've done that which proves that you are ok and she is whacko. Haven't you ever met a guy (or girl) and EVERY ex they have is a b*tch and a horrible person, when you hear that you have to say hmmmmm maybe its me and not them! Let it go, you did the right thing!

Answer 5

Yes you were right to leave her. Sounds like her personality is what was the problem. She was wonderful when you two didn't have any difference of opinion. However when you didn' t agree with something (as you have full right to be since you are your own person) she turned into a big baby. You made the decision to not attach yourself to someone like that the rest of your life. You will be grateful that you made that decision when you find someone better. Someone who accepts your differences of opinion as part of you both just being two different unique people.

Now if you really were cheating on her, then that's another reason for you two have not been together. If there's a need to cheat, then she wasn't the one for you.

Answer 6

Okay I am a girl but if I was a dude, or if I was with a dude that constantly accused me of doing things that I wasn't doing and it made me miserable, and the violence part of it. I would have gotten the heck out too! You do not have to be miserable because someone else is insecure, that is a problem within that person and it is a problem that you cannot fix, they have to fix themselves. There is absolutely no way I would stay and put up with that, nor should you!

Answer 7

Sorry, but I don't thing this is the forum for absolution.

I hope you can come to terms with this.

Good luck.

Answer 8

Yeah! should have left hera long time ago.

Is that her in the picture.................... Yeah, Dude! don't ever go back!