Am I wrong, After 18 yrs, i think I'm done?

Question

after 18 yrs of marriage, I don't think I can take it any more. My wife is bipolar. We done all the therapy but she will not do what her therapist ask her to. She takes meds but that is it. She doesn't work. Right now she is depressed and yes I have tried to get her help but she just refuses. I've had therapy to deal with it but I just tired. I don't want to fight this the rest of my life. Please don't suggest therapy because we have years of it.

Answer 1

I think you've supported her as much as you can. You need to enjoy life also, you only get one kick of the ball...

Answer 2

If you're not happy, end it. You only get one shot at life - make the most of it.

Now, I'm sure this will generate a lot of protests, so let me explain. An unhappy marriage is far worse than no marriage at all. You have every right to get out there and find that one perfect person for you that makes you happy - and if you settle for anything less, you and your current spouse will always regret it, whether you all realize it or not.

It's impossible for a marriage to be successful unless both people are happy with it. You aren't doing anyone any favors by putting up with your unhappy marriage. By staying with her, you're not giving her the chance to find someone that makes her want to get better - because she obviously doesn't care enough about you to do it for you.

I can guarantee she won't want to end the marriage though, simply because it's one of the few stable things in her life, so be prepared for numerous guilt trips, and many tearful conversations. Try to make her see that you're doing this for the both of you - obviously she's not happy, so tell her you're trying to give her the chance to find someone that does make her happy. Try to be supportive, but firm about your decision. Since she's bipolar, she may go so far as to hurt herself to make you feel guilty for leaving - but don't feel guilty. Ever. You have every right to pursue your own happiness.

I feel for you - good luck!

Answer 3

I usually rake the people that cheat, or walk out, over the coals. But, some problems have no solution. My ex Sister In Law has mental problems. She's put her husband and family through hell. Sometimes a person can just run out of gas. Few people can handle increasing problems year after year, with nothing to look forward to but worse. Even I, who hate quitters can understand ending marriage when your spouse has serious mental disorders. I think that would be worse than physical problems. Only you can know what your limit is. Good luck.

Answer 4

i see what your going through u have put alot of hard work in to your marriage, and it seems your wife dosent want to do anything about it.1. well you should try to stay with her and love her for a little while, u might think that wont work but your wife maybe lookin to see if u love her enough to put up with her.2. if not and your at the point where u can't handle or take it anymore and you have given your all, then you should follow your heart and if it tells u to leave her then do what u have to. And find another u can love because nobody wants to be alone forever at lease there selfish. also think about how she feels. about the whole thing. contact me.

Answer 5

How unhappy. Having released your self from an abusive marriage, I understand your no longer desirous to handle some different person's luggage. Your astounding pal needs a pal immediately. nevertheless, self protection is the first order of company. take care of your self. now and again associates might want to commute separate paths to discover one yet another back later in existence. you've paid your dues and do not favor this luggage immediately. delight on your new courting. enable the pal commute her own direction till she consists of her senses. Pray for her. Be there if she needs to really make a change. that is the great you ought to do.

Answer 6

If you have tried therapy, and she refuses to cooperate, then she is not really committed to you. It sounds to me like she is happy being bipolar, and doesn't care how it impacts your marriage. From what you told us, I would say yes - it is time to draw a line in the sand. Let you wife know you want to leave, explain to her why. If she refuses to take responsibility for her treatment, and subsequent relapses - then she is not going to change, and you can either continue to live with her like that, or leave.

Answer 7

No you're not wrong, but don't just leave right away. You are going to have to threaten her that you are going to leave to actually get her to get up and go to therapy. And if that doesn't work, then you do what you have to do. I can tell you really love her though because you stuck around and got her help which is really really good!!! But, don't just leave her. You guys have too many years together to just end it like that. Hell, bring therapy to her since she don't want to go to it. Get the therapist to come to your house.

Answer 8

No, I don't think your wrong. You've been there for her and if she doesn't want to help herself there's nothing more you can do. Have you told her that your thinking about doing this. Maybe if you sit down with here and tell her whats really on your mind she might just straighten up and fly right. You cant help someone that does not want to help themselves. Impossible. Hope things get better for you. You sound like a wonderful man. Good luck

Answer 9

If you are done you are done, I'd say that 18 years means you have given it one hec of a shot. Its not a curable condition and if she refuses to listen to her therapist it is the same as saying she doesn't care about you or what she puts you through, you should just put up with it just like a drunk or a drug addict that refuses to get help. I think its like any other chronic condition or problem, if they are trying to help themselves sure you stick by them, not neccessarily married to them but supportive and helpful, but if they won't then you are just getting dragged down with the sinking ship, and she's choosing to sink by not taking the professional advice that you are paying for. I think enough is enough and you deserve a life! Good luck to you and I'm sorry for your situation!

Answer 10

While I do believe in the vows of marriage and sticking with someone, at some point you have to look at your own life and whether or not you're happy. If she won't do what she needs to do, and you have tried all reasonable solutions, that perhaps you do need to get out.

After years of trying, discover what is best for you and then don't feel guilty and don't look back. Marriage is a two-way street, and you are deserving of happiness as well.

Hope things get better for you :)

Answer 11

it is very hard to move on but you are neither her mother or her father. you did not adopt her, you married he, and that was not supposed to a life sentence for you. she obviously needs a nurse more than she needs you and that is not your fault. The government loves "the sickness and health"bit , it means problems are taken care of by some poor shmuck who thinks hes doing the right thing
It will be hard but get out,but she is not related to you by blood, so run ---do not walk---- away , leave her to her blood family, or the government, but go now before you get too old to start again
She is not your responsibility. Do not let anyone tell you she is. She is not your child-- and children are your only responsibility. And if you have children with her then she is THEIR resposibilty.Try and find a way --- but go as soon as possible and close your ears to anything she says. Yes she will miss you, she will have nobody there to listen to her whinges.Close your ears and remember IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. and SHE IS NOT YOU PROBLEM although people will try to tell you she is.
Get a life before its too late. She has wasted enough of yours already.