She gave me away at the age of 18 months old. She has allowed her boyfriends when I wa younger to try things with me. I have been married for 23 years now and have two sons that I know that I have been a great mother to. I have forgiven her time and time again and she recently had her boyfriend to call me and threats were made on my life because I didnt agree with her having a boyfriend while her husband was dying of cancer. I dont want to hurt anymore but people tell me that she is still my mother....what do I do?
2006-08-11 10:28:35 · 18 answers · asked by Stvsgrl 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
First you have to realize that it might not have anything to do with you. Point being, you have forgiven your mother but have you ever asked yourself if she has forgiven herself for all that she's put you Thur. I had to go through this some years ago not the same situation but sinmalar. I was reaching out to my father and no matter what he walked away. I realize that he is set in his ways first. Then I realize that I'm a great person and although I have forgiven him maybe he hasn't forgiven his self. There is nothing that you can do and you have to take it a day at a time. That is your only mother and you can respect her without giving her power over you. I'm sure that at times your sons do things that you don't like but sometime you have to let them learn on their own. Same for your mother. It sounds like you have done all the thing that your mother didn't do for your sons... take that and run with it. Thank God that he gave you the strenght and courage to make it through all life's ups and downs. The great thing about it is you didn't let ti change you. So you deal with her when you can but if she gets angry or disrespectful hang up and there's always tomorrow.
PS Pray that things change and get better.
2006-08-11 10:54:17 · answer #1 · answered by No lookin' back 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your mother has an Ilnace. Some people can't handle being alone needs someone there all the time. To have her boyfriend call you and treat in you that's a NO and he must be small minded to do so. I would put a restraining order on him. as for your mother (it's the one that raised you is mom) You can't help the one that gave birth to you it's been to long and she still doing it. Live your life along with your children and husband be happy the birth one is just coxing pain and that's no good. wash your hands of her. She did with you. Best of luck.
2006-08-11 10:41:33 · answer #2 · answered by kayla 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You wise up!! What is the question? Why do you allow someone like this in your life for 43 minutes let alone 43 years? You know very well that giving birth is not enough to earn you the title or priveleges of being called a mother! Tell her to get lost and never come around again, unless you actually believe that tomorrow she will suddenly wake up and become a better person!
2006-08-11 10:32:17 · answer #3 · answered by dappersmom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
forgiving ur mother doesn't always mean u have to be around her. sometimes it's better to let someone go who cannot or will not change, to do what is best for the family. it sounds like she is selfish, and mean spirited...? angry? jealous? either way, it doesn't matter..she is someone who is trying to bring ur happiness down. she is a negative influence. yes, she is ur mother, and yes, u do love her. that is why u continue to forgive. but someone like that, u cannot forgive one thing at a time. .. u have to forgive her as a Person, and then move on and do what is BEST for you and ur family now. u are not being selfish, but u are just trying to create a positive, healthy, happy home for urself and ur family. that is not selfish if u are trying to let go of someone who is Bad for you, mentally or physically.
i would say to leave her be... if she asks for advice, then be there. if she is sick and needs help, be there. other than that, do not get too close, or allow her to contact ur family too often. tell her that u love her, and want her to be happy, but that the way she is makes You unhappy, and affects your children. if u have to change ur phone number, do it.... u feel mean, but if she was a responsible adult, she never would've made u take drastic measures in the first place.
remember to always keep positive things around u, and filter out the negative. it's unfortunate that it's ur own mother but maybe u will eventually become a good example for her, and she will see that and be proud of you. good luck
2006-08-11 10:34:23 · answer #4 · answered by sasmallworld 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Forgiveness is not for your mom, but for you!When you forgive someone it releases you from the bitterness and anger associated with the offense. But just because you forgive a person doesn't mean you forget the offense. (Ex. If you have a scar that is healed, you remember the incident but whatever caused the scar no longer hurts). When you forgive someone it disarms them. It looks like your mom has a lot of unforgiveness, hatred and bitterness in her heart. Forgive her and move on. If you or your family is in danger because of the relationship; distance yourself from her because she's obviously a threat to your safety!
2006-08-11 11:02:43 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are a mother yourself now , and your first order of responsibility is to your family. It may be hard, but you will have to erect an emotional firewall to keep this nightmare from revisiting itself upon you and your family. Forgiveness is great, and a wonderful healer. So forgive your mother, but tell her very firmly that your relationship has concluded.
I don't say that lightly. I had to do the same thing, years ago, for similar reasons. I love my mom, just as you do. But as adults, we are asked to make hard and sometimes painful choices.
I know you have the strength to do the right thing for your family. God bless you.
2006-08-11 10:41:51 · answer #6 · answered by Elwood Blues 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She still is you mother, but people need to realize that life is too short to be mad as you may know. If she continues to dislike you and threaten you, why continue to make things right between you and her. If i were in you shoes and tried to make everything okay and she still didn't want to except your ideas and opinions i would just be nice to let your sons see their grandmother. (if that matters?) You have done all that you can to stand up for you father. I think you should be very proud of all the things you have done.
2006-08-11 10:38:06 · answer #7 · answered by strider462 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with sasmallworld 100%
First of all I congratulate u for succeeding in yr life despite of yr mother & what she did to u.
Second I think u should feel sorry for yr mom & yes she gave birth to u but she's still a teenager in her mind. Try not to confuse her for a real mother because she's not at all. Of course u have to forgive her but that doesn't mean u have to have her in yr life. Pray for her but don't let her blackmail u emotionally.
2006-08-11 11:00:27 · answer #8 · answered by Lola j 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Women have been taught to put up with all sorts of CRAP for far too long in the name of playing nicely, being polite, forgiveness, etc. I can't tell you what to do, but I can tell you that if it were me I'd have ended such a toxic relationship a long time ago. Peace
2006-08-11 10:37:06 · answer #9 · answered by nimbleminx 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your family deserves your full attention. Childhood forms us but at some point we have to determine our own truths and leave the lies behind. I, too, was abused and we all knew so I determined that my children would feel safe and be safe and empowered them with believing them first above all others. I simply ended that toxic relationship by confessing to her that I was ashamed of her. I was ashamed of a family that would rather turn a blind eye than reveal terrorism.
2006-08-11 12:00:13 · answer #10 · answered by nanbeloved 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋