Can you make me laugh?

Question

The best answer that makes me laugh out loud will get 10 points, I will judge the first ten funny answers. Stupid answers wn't be counted.

Answer 1

The husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind this very tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you."

"Yes," she says, "I remember it well."

"Okay," he says, "How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old times sake?"

"Oh Charlie, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but very good idea!"

There's a police officer sitting in the next booth listening to all this
and having a chuckle to himself. He thinks, "I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble." So he follows them.

They walk haltingly along, leaning on each other for support, aided by walking sticks. Finally they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence.

The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in.

Suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the watching policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about 10 minutes. Finally, they both collapse panting on the ground.

The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life that he didn't know.

After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The policeman, still watching, thinks, "This was truly amazing. I've got to ask them what their secret is."

As the couple passes, he says to them, "Excuse me, but that was something else. You must have had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?"

The old man says, "Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence."

Answer 2

There was a new student in class who had a CD player and headphones and when the teacher asked her about it, was told she had permission to have them and showed him a note from the nurse. All year long, the student wore the headphones during class. The teacher was suspicious that the answers to the tests and quizzes might be on the CD, but tolerated it until it was time to take the Final Exam. At that point, he told the student she couldn't wear the headphones during the test and took them from her. Five minutes later, she collapsed to the floor, dead. The ambulance was called and her body was taken away. Curious, the teacher decided to listen to the tape. There was a four word phrase that was repeated over and over again: "Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out...."

Answer 3

I heard this one:

A US Border Patrol Agent catches an illegal alien?
in the bushes right by the border fence, he pulls him out and says "Sorry, you know the law, you've got to go back across the border right now."

The mexican pleads with them, "No, noooo Senior, I must stay in de USA! Pleeeze!"

The Border Patrol Agent thinks to himself, I'm going to make it hard for him and says "Ok, I'll let you stay if you can use 3 english words in a sentence".

The Mexican of course agrees.

The Border Patrol Agent tells him, "The 3 words are: Green, Pink and Yellow. Now use them in 1 sentence."

The Mexican thinks really hard for about 2 minutes, then says, "Hmmm, Ok. The phone, it went Green, Green, Green, I Pink it up and sez Yellow?"

Answer 4

A humorous one and that i provide you a celebrity. right that's a humorous(!!) ghosts chat. 2 ghosts met and the two chat approximately how they died. 1st ghost : How u died? 2d ghost : I died of chilly. 1st ghost : How does it experience once you're loss of life in chilly? 2d ghost : somewhat, i replaced into by hazard locked interior the refrigerator. initially, i replaced into shivering, then my finished physique began to freeze, later I felt the full international replaced into darkish and that i died suffocating. 1st ghost : Wow what a terrible thank you to die.... 2d ghost : How approximately you? How u die? 1st ghost : I died from heart attack. 2d ghost : I see, why did u have a heart attack? 1st ghost : somewhat, i found out that my spouse is having an affair with yet another guy. sooner or later, once I got here back from artwork, observed a pair of guy shoes exterior my residing house. Then, i found out that the guy replaced into in my residing house with my spouse. once I rushed into the mattress room, my spouse replaced into on my own. i might desire to come across the place that bastard is hiding. So I searched the bathroom, I ran downstairs, regarded interior the storeroom, however the bastard replaced into not there. So, I ran upstairs and searched the cloth wardrobe, yet i got here across not something. by using fact of all that working,I have been given a heart attack and died. 2d ghost : Why you in no way seek for the bastard interior the refrigerator? The bastard replaced into hiding there. We the two could be alive now!!

Answer 5

Two thieves robbing an apartment hear the owner coming home.
"Quick, jump out the window," says the first robber.
"Are you crazy? We're on the 13th floor?" says the second robber.
The first one replies, "This is no time to be superstitious!"

Answer 6

Q. Why does Hillary want to have sex with Bill Clinton first thing in the morning?
A. She wants to be the first lady.

Answer 7

Don't think of penguins. It is a fun thing to do at work during the lull.

Answer 8

how do you get a nun pregnant?...dress her up as an altar boy

Answer 9

honey I wish I can but I will have to think about it....

Answer 10

no. sorry.