Office chair problem?

Question

I have over the past few weeks been delivering so rather foul smelling and powerful blasts of air from my anus.

The hellish, evil slams of air have now left me with a small dilemma.

You see, my office chair, with its hessian covering and semi-dense sponge padding has basically sucked up all of the methane.

So now, when i sit on the chair and move around, this methane is then released into the air, re-activating the choking mustard gas that i have been producing over the past few weeks.

What should i do? And how can i get rid of the smell? Should i buy a new chair altogether? Will it have any resale value now that i have infected it with methane?

I would keep on pelting the seat to release the smell, but it a) might not work and b) release winnets (microscopic peices of dried poo) into the air, which could be lethal if breathed in.

Help and advice appreciated.

Answer 1

I am very proud of the fact you do not go cubicle surfing during your noxious emissions.

I have the same problem in my car. Opening the windows and driving 65 helps. I would not suggest that for your chair unless you have a safety belt.

Also sound like you need to change your diet, vile smells emanating from that region is directly connected to your mouth. Watch what goes in your mouth because will affect what goes in your nose.

As for the chair itself, I do not recommend the hard plastic chair no matter how impervious it is to retaining odors. The chance for magnifying the sound of your emanations is too great. Everyone in your office will know it is you rather that just wonder about the quick whiff they get now and then. Leather is a good option, if sounds are heard you can blame it on the chair.

I would find the nearest Yard sale and mark it down from what every you think it is worth.

As for the winnels. What is going on here? There should be a minimum of one layer between you and the fabric. Judging from your description you could be bordering on the "wet one". Two layers between you and the fabric is required in these situations.

Answer 2

Bobby (if that is your real name), I hope you have your own office or work from home. Try Febreze. It has removed icky dog smells, cat urine smells, and cooking smells from fabrics in my home. Maybe if you saturate the chair one night before you leave the office it will be better when you come back.

JOSH if this is you, I feel sorry for your new co-workers in Malaysia. Curt, if this is you - bring your files down to me because I don't want to go into your office.

Answer 3

Thinking 'charcoal' but how and in what form is getting no answers at the moment, it will soak up all those unpleasant smells but can be a bit messy. Um half an answer I know

Answer 4

Swap chairs with a co-worker. Walk by and say "What is that smell?"

Answer 5

Um.. yeah thats def. gross but what you could do is buy the ALL fabric spray (its like febreez but smells soooo much betteR) and spray your chair with that... or you could just get a new chair

Answer 6

Maybe if you get in touch with George Carlin... he can connect you the "Fart retrieval league"... and next time youare in a hotel lobby... jump up & down on a few seat cushions & "free a fart"

Answer 7

See earlier question - 'Where can I buy activated charcoal on the high street.'

http://uk.answers.yahoo.com/question/;_ylt=An6LoOKoxMKJoVJDPdrjMLpJBgx.?qid=20060627103847AAfCtnU

or swap it with a colleagues, as they tend to be identical in most offices.

Answer 8

Have you got cleaners at your place, ask them when they are deep cleaning if they could give it a scrub for you as you spilt milk on it and it smells.

Answer 9

sell the chair on ebay and get yourself a fart free one

Answer 10

Sell it as a WMD.
alternatively, burn the upholstery & sit on plywood in future.