What if my relatives have signed an anti-gay petition?

Question

Including the ones who were at my same-gender wedding?

They signed a petition to allow an anti-gay marriage constitutional amendment on the ballot this November. I saw at http://www.knowthyneighbor.org, which tracks the people who signed these petitions in Florida and Massachussetts. I come from Florida.

How can they love me to my face and do this behind my back? I wasn't able to marry in my home state, and they're part of the reason why!

*Should* I say anything to them? I feel bad about searching on the site. But this is confirming that I really should go surfing instead of being home for Thanksgiving.

How would y'all handle this?

I'm 32, s-s married, live away from them now, and everyone knows.

Answer 1

Firstly understand that I am from a moderately upper class British background, even though my family has been here 260 years or so. -- even though we had no money left when I was growing up -- the upbringing was there so my views may differ from what is appropriate culturally. If so I apologize.

That said.

I believe family is chosen, not born. I have people that I love very very much. They are my family. If I had living relatives left, it would be the same.

If I were you, I would give no explanation except a brief card that said simply -- "I am aware that you hate me, I am sorry, I love you, I always will -- if you change your mind and stop hating me, let me know." In it I would include a link to the page that shows their name (a written link, they can type) and I would send it. -- After that, unless some of them apologized, I would never speak to them again. I wouldn't be mean about it -- I simply would not communicate with them and would avoid going where they were. I would not make a big deal of it, I would not consider it a hardship. Such people, you don't need.

And yes, surfing on Thanksgiving is a good start.

Regards,

Reynolds
http://www.rebuff.org
[e-mail]

PS -- I did NOT know about the falsification. I suggest actually using the method the woman above me mentioned, and reserving my method if it turns out they did it deliberately.

Answer 2

I would ask them if they were aware that their name is being used on a petition. See what they say. Take it from there.

They are the only parents you have. Don't waste this precious time with them bickering about things that neither of you can change about the other. Many parents eventually see things different after a while. Don't make matters worse by "punishing" them for sincerely thinking that homosexuals shouldn't be getting married. It takes time for people to understand. Nothing you can say or do will quicken the process. The thing that will change their minds is seeing you in a stable, loving relationship... for a long period of time.

After 16 years, my parents, who both think gay marriage is "just wrong," accept my relationship. I think they both have a softer view of homosexual issues than they did years ago.

These things take time. It is unfair to expect them... just because you disagree with them, to change their life long beliefs.

Go to thanxgiving. How many more will you have? Nobody knows.

When they see you happy and not adversarial, they will be more inclined to see things from your perspective.

Answer 3

I think I would just bring up the legal rights I don't have. And how lucky they are that their marriages are recognized. If you've run into any specific problem so far for not having those protections, definitely bring that up (hospital visits etc). As for Thanksgiving, I think that's a personal choice and really depends on your situation. Is your wife invited to Thanksgiving?

Answer 4

Some people were tricked into signing those petitions. They were asked to sign another petition like, "Do you want this new park" (or some other innocuous thing), then the anti-gay petition was underneath that paper - the petition person would slide it out part way and ask them to sign this "duplicate copy". A bunch were caught, which is why "know thy neighbor" has that website. So you can legitimately say to your relatives, "Did you know about this bait-and-switch thing? I'm sure that's how your name got on this list! I know you don't feel that way"....and see what their response is.

Answer 5

Do they know you are gay? IF not, I think that I would make double plans for Thanksgiving...I would plan on sitting down at the table and telling them I had cancer, was going to die on less than 6 months...after they are horrified, I would say...JUST KIDDING, I am only Gay. 10 to 1 they would rather you be dying of cancer :-)
Then, if the reaction is bad, my next words would be "c ya." And leave. I would let them come to me for the next move AFTER I got back from my surfing fun. You are old enough to NOT need parents..unless they are supporting you, then all of this is OFF! IF they want to have you as a child/friend..fine.Then is the time to tell them how you feel about their petitions, etc. You will be amazed at how fast some families come around when they find this strikes IN the home, not close to home. IF they don't come around, well, you have your freedom, you can call and say hello occasionally, and leave it at that....depends on how strongly you feel. THEY are the ones who made you, and they made you as a GAY WOMAN...I would NEVER let them try to change that fact, and they will try. They will wonder just what they did wrong, etc...insist that it is genetic, it is their genes, etc. , and that you thank them for making you as a gay woman. Sooner or later, they will come around. Good luck

Answer 6

They signed a public petition. I'm guessing with full knowledge that it's public information and can be published. Secret petitions are not legal for a reason. You have nothing to feel bad about, petitions are covered by FOI. If they publicly stated their opinion, why should you have feel bad about publicly expressing yours?

Answer 7

A huge percentage of petitions are signed erroneously - or falsely - especially those on the Internet. A petition must have every signature verified by an independent consulting firm before it is even considered - it is possible this is a false signature. I would tell them that you stumbled across the information and see what they say.

Answer 8

My parents love me no matter what, but, they don't like the fact that I am a lesbian. They know that I am and they are civil with my partner and I but I don't throw it in their face just like they don't throw in my face that they don't like the fact I am a lesbian.

Keep in mind that they have a right to their opinion just as we do.

I think you should bring up that it hurt knowing they were part of the reason why you're relationships will never be seen as equal in your state but don't start a fight with them.

Answer 9

You went looking for something, now you have to live with what you found. Don't they have the right to their beliefs just like we do? Just because they signed it doesn't mean they don't love you. They signed it for a reason and only they know what that reason is. I am not saying I agree with them....But as you say yourself, you went looking, now it is time to be an adult and live with what you found out.

Answer 10

to The Notebook...shame on you for being such a bigot!

my mom and stepdad (and the rest of my family) have been very accepting of me being lesbian, BUT when I mentioned that my partner and I wanted to get married (we had thought of going to Canada), they said they didn't "believe" in that. now, we had that constitutional amendment pass here in MO (sadly, MO was the 1st to do this), and I never asked them how they voted...I assume they voted in favor of the marriage ban. they did say they thought it was ok for us to have a commitment ceremony.
we were going to go to Vegas and do that and they were going to come with us...but that trip fell through.
we participated in a commitment ceremony at St. Louis Pridefest this past June. I actually think they were kinda shocked that we had a ceremony without them, but I know they would have never come to Pridefest..and it was a group ceremony
I know this is upsetting for your folks to have done this...I would sit down with them since it has upset you so much (I would be upset too) and ask them about it.