In a bind! Had an affair which has ended with a pregnancy. Desperate and alone.?

Question

So, of course after all the empty promises and vows of love he decided to try and repair things with her. 2 weeks after trying to forget him I find out I am 7 weeks along. Called his cell to tell him, but she answered and I ended up singing like a canary! Told her everything- but it gets worse. She is 9 weeks pregnant. I couldnt write a better story for Jerry Springer. He doesnt want me to get an abortion, and says it is his responsibility, and he'll be there for the baby. Im so torn, I dont believe in abortion, but I dont know if due to this situation it would be the best thing to do for him, the baby, and his marriage to her. I'm trying to not even think of me right now. Any advice would help, except ugly or hateful, negative comments. I hurt badly enough right now w/o anyone elses help. Thanks!

Answer 1

If he won't sign a legally-binding support agreement for the baby NOW, I wouldn't trust anything he says. Actually, I advise against trusting him again in general.

I'm pro-choice myself, but you should NOT feel obliged to get an abortion just because it might make THEIR relationship or finances easier. It sounds like you feel guilty about the affair, but you should focus on your own values right now. The best way to atone is to do what you think is right

So, don't feel like you HAVE to get an abortion. It sounds like you should start investigating options for adoption.

You could carry to term and get all your medical expenses paid for, and make another family very happy, and give your baby a great chance in life.

You could also arrange for an open adoption, so you'd both have a chance of communication or at least to know the baby is OK years down the line.

If he wants to legally contest the idea of an adoption, then he must sign an excellent support agreement and give you custody, in my opinion.

If you do decide to continue the pregnancy, you may be self-conscious about being pregnant; people are sure to ask you questions. They want to be happy for you, and they should be because you should feel good about what you're doing.

If it's really agonizing and you still want to continue, you could move away for the duration. You could tell people that you're carrying the baby for another couple (it'd be absolutely true!) and that you're happy to give someone else and their baby this great opportunity (also true!) Ask your friends NOT to throw you a baby shower.

Beyond that, it's really none of their business why you're pregnant or what you have planned.

I hope this helps. Don't panic and don't do anything you'll regret later. You have a lot of options, even though you can't rely on him.

Answer 2

First of all.. God loves you. A mistake (pre-marital sex, Adultry) was made by you and the man in question. Ask God to forgive you.. then forgive yourself. Seek counseling immediately and keep your child... you'll be very happy you did.

Very sorry you're hurting deeply, move forward with your life and the life of this precious creation you're carrying inside of you. Do not repeat the same mistake EVER again, stay away from the drama like that and your life won't need to be like the lives of those who've been on the Jerry Springer show.

Don't continue (under any circumstances) seeing this married man. Child support will be necessary... but MOVE FORWARD without an intimate relationship this married dad. It will be very very difficult, but because you've learned your lesson... you'll be able to do it. With God's continual help you make it through. TRUST!

Answer 3

Abortion is not the right answer. Don't do anything you would regret later. Why give up a baby when the father is willing to take responsibility. Even if you tried to abort it doesn't sound like he would allow it. Everything will work out if you give it time. I wouldn't worry about his marriage that is his responsibility to fix, you need to worry about yourself and your unborn child. Even if he fails to help you with the child you are more than capable of raising the baby by yourself i'm sure.

Answer 4

Don't believe his BS that he'll be there for the baby. This sounds like a guy who can't make up his mind and certainly isn't going to want to stay around now that it's not so convenient. He's going to go running back to his wife.

There are a lot of non-profits who can help you out, like Crisis Pregnancy Centers or Planned Parenthood. I wish you all the best and hope you find the support you need.

Answer 5

keep the baby ur baby didnt screw up or make the bad decision, i feel so bad for his wife, just go along with ur pregnancy and think of your child first, and just cuz things are hard doesnt mean that abortion is right for your baby, loving your child so much that ull murder his is just sick, and i know u dont want to do that, its obvious so thats a good start,there are soooo many ppl in this world who came from bad homes or situations as children and they are on top of the world so give your child a chance, you did the right thing telling her cuz she deserved to know, surround yourself with loving friends and family, and far as he goes the only time you need to be around him is if its regarding doctor appointments and him giving you money for baby stuff, you can find someone better than him

now that you started to reap what the two of you did, its time to make the best of it cuz no matter the situation babies are blessings and your awful selfish decision can never take away from that, and i am not trying to mean or make you cry, just speaking the truth, oh fyi- if you dont want ppl to post something insulting or mean to ur story then you shouldnt post this cuz ur not on that end of the situation that gets the respect, his wife is

but it seems that uve learned from this problem and i wish you the best, keep ur head up girl, ull be alright

Answer 6

You reap what you sow.

Why do people go into affairs is beyond me.
The baby has a right to live and have a life. the baby needs their mother and, hopefully, their father. it will be a weird situation but you must make the best of this and learn from this mistake. No affair is worth any heartache on vain promises.

Answer 7

I really wish you hadn't gotten yourself in this situation. I'm not trying to be mean, but couldn't you have at least used protection if you had to be with someone else's man?. Whatever you do don't give your baby to them, because it will always have to compete with theirs for the wife's attention. You could just move away and let him pay child support. I don't see you all becoming one big, happy family. If he tries to be dad of the year to your kid he's going to lose the rest of his family. As a matter of fact, if I were the wife and he wanted to attend the birth of your child he'd better take his suitcase. Not that I would have stayed with him anyway.

Answer 8

if you want to have a baby on your own.. then keep the baby.. because he might have all the best intentions in the world to be there.. but more than likely you'll end up raising that child on your own.. I don't believe in abortions.. but maybe this would be a good reason for it... next time... protection !! .. there's all kinds.. pill, condom, etc etc.. there's no reason to get pregnant "by accident" now a days... good luck

Answer 9

If you are afraid you can't take care of the baby then adoption is the answer. This may be a problem since you'll have to get the philandering jerk's permission for that.

You should see an attorney about your rights to child support. Yes you do have rights and he does have to support his child.

Answer 10

If you're against abortion, have you considered adoption? If you don't think you can have this child, it would be an extemely selfless and generous act for you to give it to a loving home where it will get what is probably it's best chance for a great life.