Marriage - how realistic is it to promise to always feel the same way about someone for the rest of your life?

Question

Historically/Culturally/Anthropologically for example people married for reasons other than love - economic reasons, familial obligations, reproductive duties etc

These days the notion of everlasting love seems intertwined with marriage - but is that really realistic?

Answer 1

Marriage is NOT a promise to feel the same way about your spouse every day. In fact, it is certain that you feel differently about your spouse from time to time during the marriage. Your libidos will be mismatched at times due to stress, illness, fatigue, or age. At times, you will be a parent, a lover, a friend, a foe, solace, or a protector.

Marriage IS a promise to put that person first in your life whenever possible and to work on the relationship to maintain it, improve it, and to fix it when needed. If you really do that, you can make it work.

Answer 2

The feeling is only one part of the marriage, the first stage. The rest is backed up by commitment. You are promising that you will support each other, stay with each other, be each others friend for the rest of your life. This world is a cruel place and it is great to have a partner that you know will have your back, NO MATTER WHAT. The "feelings" won't always be there, but that doesn't mean you don't love the person. Love will mature past the feelings. And true love goes beyond your physical feelings, it's seen in actions, being there for someone thru think and thin.

Answer 3

If people never changed over time, it might be realistic. But love is always conditional... if someone turns out to be a child-molesting axe murderer, or a cheater, or ends up more involved with drugs than with you and your family, emotionally or physically abusive...

In other words, if the other person becomes a destructive rather than constructive force in your life? That seals it in my opinion.

Love is not just a feeling -- love is a series of choices and decisions made that affect another person, every single day. If they're deciding against you over and over again, then you have no obligation (and probably no ability) to continue feeling the exact same way about them.

Sometimes you just have to protect yourself, especially if the other person won't do it.

ALL that said, it can still be worth getting married, doing everything you can to be in a committed relationship, adapting to deal with problems. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with marriage or love as a concept.

Answer 4

Marriage is a commitment to each other for the rest of your lives. It is not a promise to feel the same way for the duration of the union. Commitment in a marriage is not just something you do on the day you got married. Commitment happens everyday for the rest of your married life. It is a choice. And so is love. To answer your question: No, it is not realistic to guarantee you will feel the same way, every single day. We are all humans, with a range of emotions that vary from day to day or even hour to hour. Our emotions are influenced by life experiences and events. However, being married means you both choose to stay commited to each other, no matter what life throws your way.

Answer 5

Marriage is more than saying "I'll love you just like I do today for the rest of my life". What you're saying is I make a commitment to you that I will work hard to keep this feeling alive. People treat marriage as a disposible thing. It's a shame more people don't take it seriously and REALLY listen and take to heart the words that are being said and spoken. It's not something you toss away when it becomes "too hard". That's what makes a marriage stronger, going through the hard times and making it out the other side.

Answer 6

I think it's completely unrealistic to expect to feel the same way about someone - or anyone - the rest of your life. In fact, it's impossible. People change and grow, feelings come and go...

You shouldn't marry someone because of the way you "feel" about them, that would be very short-sighted. There better be a whole lot more to it than just a feeling.

In my marriage vows, there was no promise to feel any particular way toward each other. The promises we made involved actions, not feelings. Love is a verb, isn't it?

Answer 7

there is no way that you can be for sure that you will always love the person your with. I am divorced for that reason..I fell out of love with my husband and just knew i would never feel the the same for him ever again..i stayed with him for a yr or more then just couldn't do it anymore...we are real good friends and we share a daughter.. i guess i am one of the lucky ones..but you can promise and try real hard to love that person forever.. but things happen...

Answer 8

Gosh...I'm wrestling with this one myself. I always thought so, but after 10 years in a mostly great marriage, I Find myself wondering if I could be as happy on my own. Now in my 30's, my best advice to someone contemplating marriage is "just say no."

Answer 9

I dont believe it is supposed to be that way, not even close, I mean yes you should love the person you are with and if you believe in the vows...till death do us part, then that means through all the hard times you should learn more about eachother and your love should grow stronger.

Answer 10

Its not realistic.The only realistic way of analysing your relationship is to tell that at the moment you feel love for the person and want to spend the rest of ur life with him/her.Its all the moment at that time.Then it may be true u want to live with him/her forever.But later it may change .