I keep thinking of other men.....?

Question

I've been married for almost 9 years. I'm not really happy in the relationship. But I almost feel like I'm stuck because I have two children with him. I love him very much....and I always will, but I don't love him the same I did when we first met. I keep thinking of other guys and I really like a guy that I work with. I don't know what to do. I don't want to stay because of the kids and I don't want to stay and be unhappy for the rest of my life. Whats hard is that he loves me more then anything and I don't want to hurt him. can someone shed some light?

Answer 1

1) Well, if other guys turn you on, then it proves you aren't dead.

2) You love your husband and he loves you -- and you know that. That is a HUGE thing that not everyone has, believe me. Work with that and leave the dude at the office in your fantasies. Spice things up with your husband. Do the French Maid thing or buy a sex swing or something like that. Just don't toss away love because you're feeling kind of in a rut.

Answer 2

You feel this way because":
A- You marry too young
B- You marry too soon
C- Allowed your self to give into flirtation with someone else
D- All of the above.

I assume that the answer is D. You loved the attention from other males and got addicted to the "new" feeling. The worse part is that it has gone past the harmless flirtation and now you want more.
The way of justifying your actions is by saying that your relationship is unhappy. I am not a psychic, but I will assume that you saw your husbands flaws even more annoying after you started to think about others.
Once there is an emotional relationship with somebody else, then the marriage goes down the hill. Then you see how "unhappy" you are , when the thruth is that you are just bored with your spouse and love the new attention from others.

Honey, the grass is not always greener on the other side. If you have a good husband then don;t ruin what you have. Don't act on pursuing others while married because that is going to make matters worse.

I suggest for you to give marriagecounseling a try and see if you guys can reconect. You owe the guy at least that much. Then if you feel as if things will not improve after that, then try a trial separation.

Good luck

Answer 3

"I love him very much....and I always will, but I don't love him the same I did when we first met". When you're with someone a while, love becomes more 'comfortable'. It's not all fireworks and nervousness and new anymore; it's relaxed, reliable and familiar. If you still love him (at least on some level) and you don't want to hurt him, maybe you can think of what it is he could do to make you feel the way you used to... and talk to him about it. As far as the guy from work, could that just be a curiousity? Do you just miss the 'newness' of love? Figure that out before you do anything you'll regret.

Good luck to you

Answer 4

Can it be that you guys have just lost the spark in your relationship? Try getting back to the way you felt at the beginning before thinking of starting over. It's a lot of years and lives to consider.

Spice back up, take a break or do something different. If those don't work then look for alternatives to your present way of life.

Answer 5

You just keep thinking about this other guy because all you see if the good stuff. He has bad stuff, too, but he would be a fool to bring it to work. You fill in what you don't see with what your imagination creates....
you are unhappy because you're too scared to tell your husband what you need from him. Guys are dumb about this stuff, so you'll have to spell it out for him.
Chnaces are, you want him to keep pursuing you and trying to win you over, like he did before you were married. You both have a lot more going on now, so that stuff gets forgetten.....
You miss that and are now fantasizing about it with another guy.
Stop. Work relationships are a bad idea. Fix what you have. Step up and put the dots really close together for your hubby. Ask for what you want and need. Be willing to give him what he wants and needs.
The best gift to your kids is a satisfying marriage. You make that happen, so don't expect it to fall from the sky....
You love him, but you want to fall in love again. You can, with him, if you return to the days where you shared the intimacy to tell each other about your deep dark secret feelings.....
"Honey, I love you, but I miss dating and flirting and feeling pursued......I miss feeling like the girl you picked over everything else out there...."
Then tell what it would take for you to feel that way, and be willing to participate in what it would take for him to inspire those feelings....
Just because you already won each other over doesn't mean you should stop trying to win each other over.
What ever happened to appreciation and empathy? Find those, find yourself falling in love all over again.

Answer 6

the work thing is always a killer. you work closely with someone everyday and its hard not to some how get attached to that person. it almost feels as though you spend more time with them than your spouse. life and kids and your spouse all change and you change too... stand back and look at everything because you said you still love him and you said he loves you too, very much! dont throw it all away because you think the grass might be greener on the other side -- it isnt. if you were in a bad relationship with him, id say leave and do it, but you're not. try to work it out and talk to him -- you never know, it might help out immensely!!

good luck :-)

Answer 7

Don't you deserve to be happy??? Is it fair or good for your children to see their parents in a relationship where their mother is NOT happy??? What is it teaching them??? That it is O.K. for one person to unhappy because the other one is??? What about when the kids get older & they find out the ONLY reason you stayed with their dad was BECAUSE of them????
What ever you do, DO NOT SCREW AROUND ON YOUR HUSBAND, sit down & talk about why you are unhappy. If he will not listen or chooses to not "HEAR" you then make a decicision. There are "4" people in this family. You cannot live "your" life if you are miserable trying to Love a man you DON'T. You cannot live "your" life to make someone else happy when "you" aren't. How can you give anything to your children when you can't even give anything to yourself.

Answer 8

oh please!!! it really freaks me out when people say I love him but not the same. Did anyone not inform you that marriage is a lot of HARD WORK and COMMITMENT. If he loves you and has never been unfaithful to you and treats you right then what is the problem, why are you unhappy, is it because you want to screw the co-worker but cannot because your married....

So you want a man who kicks your butt, cheats on you and disrespects you. There is nothing wrong with Married couples fantasizing about other people, that only means we are human and alive, get a toy if it helps with the fantasy.

Owe up to the vows that you took when you got married. You will ruin 4 lives, your two kids, your husbands and your own. Dumped the co-worker.....

Answer 9

Get a Ziploc bag and put your hormones in it.
You think that there's something out there more exciting or adventurous than what you have at home. The problem is not with being in love, it's more of a "boredom" due to a lack of excitement. Put your energy in finding out what went wrong instead of creating another problem that will leave without options in the end.

Believe me! I'm a single man and "married" women looking for a good time ............................... is the cuisine.

Answer 10

You are not a whore ....Just wanted to let you know because of that comment that person left you...Look if your not happy get divorced...Don't stay together because of the kids...That will only make your kids and your self even more unhappy..Live life happy even if it mean starting over...Don't stay with someone that doesn't make you happy anymore...