How should a married couple handle interference from relatives on both sides of the marriage?
2006-08-11 07:44:57 · 27 answers · asked by In Honor of Moja 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Almost every marriage has in law problems. They just don't know how to keep their freakin noses out of your business. Some even think they're helping! LOL ! I had to come right out and tell mine that we were perfectly able to handle our own problems and if we needed their help we would humbly crawl on or hands and knees, begging their forgiveness, and ask for it. Most of the time the problems are ones you invite because one or both go to them with every little problem, or one of you hasn't severed the umbilical cord yet. I used to come home every day to my mother in law sitting at my table, or find my ex at her parents house crying about really stupid s***. If talking to them doesn't help...move far away...VERY far away. They will try to hunt you down...believe me. I'd say at least three states away is a safe distance.
2006-08-11 07:56:15 · answer #1 · answered by paesano2578 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
---- my favorite subject is the relationship things and I offer my opinions as a fellow human being and not as an expert because I am not a social sciences professional. but would suggest that you are an exceptional person because you think about this and talk about this I think most other people just are ships that roll with the waves with the in laws. What I am saying is the if you look up the definition of in laws and look up the job description of mother in laws, well that is what they do. --- as for motivation--- ever body thinks and believes they are logical and they are smart --- everyone and it really doesn't matter how "stupid" they might or might not be. it is just a fact that everyone thinks they are smart and have all the answers. ---- however ---- people are not logical-- every body is emotional ( I believe everybody ) -- so if you are looking for logical explainations and logical modis operandi and trying to look for logical motivation in sifting through the evidence after the dust settles . Well you are barking up the wrong tree. I personally believe, every action doesn't have a logical reason motivation or excuse. I personally believe every action has an illogical reason motivation or excuse in which the prime mover was emotion not logic. --- I think from cave age times woman had to deal with their mother in laws and from the get go it is an emotionally draining game. -- I would think you would be best off not trying to analyse things which I think is a waste of time, and save this energy and then use this energy to decide how you want you life to go and use the time and effort to have your life head in that direction. --- how can you become a great diplomat over night . well if you find out let me know.
2016-03-26 22:04:31 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you guys are a team. the end. when two people get married, they are a new family that must hold together or fall apart.
all relationships must deal with this in some way or another. we lived with our in-laws for months and that was a very stressful time because we could not control the boundaries of our lives. we didn't even have a door for the room we lived in. we survived. i notice though, that my mother-in-law, her sister and her brother are all divorced. i don't know if that's just a coincidence or not.
you guys found each other and got married. if you want to stay married, you must work at it. marriages are abandoned every day, you must decide if yours if worth the effort. and then, you must be firm with the boundaries you two decide on. but i can't tell you what they'll look like.
2006-08-11 07:52:34 · answer #3 · answered by uncle osbert 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Rule of thumb.... never let anyone come between you. When they have something to say they need to know they can only say that when both of you are present. When intrigues are started, usually it's because one of you gets pulled aside and fed information about the other one and the other is not given the chance to defense...
You and your spouse need to be a team, best friends, everything else is second in priority...
I remember something vividly from Jerry McGuire movie... the relationship btw the black guy and his wife...
at some point his wife says to him... it's me and you baby, the rest of the world don't matter, or something like that... That's what I'm tawkin about.
My husband and I took that oath from the beginning, and there were instances where his parents will tell me stuff about him, and I stopped them before they got going, and said, you know, I don't want to listen to this, he needs to be present and hear it too... I don't care for what you have to say... and they never tried again... My mom tried the same thing, and she got busted too.
A friend of mine tried telling my husband some negative things about me too, and he smacked her right there (not really) but flat out he said, I am not listening to this without my wife present...
and it worked. and it's still working. so I tell you, that's the only way you can keep them out.
If they go further and try to arrange your marriage and accept the challenge to confront both of you, you listen, say yeah... and do it your way.... If you keep arguing you'll never hear the end of it. Tell them they're right, but do it your way...
you have to decide though to be a team, and whatever you decide on the issue that's what's going to happen and support each other always even if you make mistakes...
Tell them relatives they were allowed to make their own mistakes, you'd like them to extend the same courtesy to you.
2006-08-11 07:50:11 · answer #4 · answered by Pivoine 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes, marriages can be messed up by relatives, if you WANT them to be. Married folks are adults & need only to set boundaries for relatives, remember your partner is the one you hope to grow old with & you didn't marry the family.
2006-08-11 07:49:55 · answer #5 · answered by Ivyvine 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
By ignoring them and staying true to your partner first and always. Do not allow anyone else, no matter how well-meaning, to interfere in your married life. Keep your problems to yourselves.
2006-08-11 07:47:13 · answer #6 · answered by Avid 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Definitely! I some friends who got divorced because of her sisters' meddling. It's important for couples to be advocates for one another and be united against interference.
2006-08-11 07:47:04 · answer #7 · answered by ndtaya 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
communication! Make your decisions together and if you're in-laws interfere wait until you get alone to discuss what they've said. I think if you keep things between the two of you it shouldn't be so difficult.
2006-08-11 07:47:52 · answer #8 · answered by yadayadayada 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yep, relatives can mess up a relationship....but only if allowed to..
The couple should tell their respective busy body relatives to butt out.
2006-08-11 07:47:14 · answer #9 · answered by Chris 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
yes..my marriage had a lot of conflict with my ex-inlaws, they were not the reason i got divorced but they were part of the problem...they did get on my nerves. Put your foot down with the situation, let them know that you are a significant part of their life, they chose that when they said "i do" to you...dont make them choose either you or them..but set boundarys
2006-08-11 07:55:45 · answer #10 · answered by magickitty0621 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋