We are both married to respective partners. I love her (I think) and spend a lot of time with her at work, and the odd night away in a travelodge when we can. She doesn;t love her husband but is financially tied to him and won't leave. I love my wife but want a future with my mistress
2006-08-11 07:31:56 · 88 answers · asked by alan t 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Midlife Crisis man strikes again.
Leave your poor wife to find someone who really appreciates her and go off with your ****. She is just as bad as you. You have both cheated on your partners. Do you really think either of you are trustworthy in a relationship?? She cheated on her husband, what's to say she won't cheat on you once you have your "future" together. And whats to say you won't cheat on her? Neither of you have any decency towards your partners or any value for your marriage vows and relationships.
You deserve each other and the misery you will end up sharing.
Plus if you divorce your wife she will (I hope) get your home and every frickin penny you own leaving you with nothing. Do you think your 20-years-younger bimbette will still want you when she sees you as a broke, washed up nearly 60 year old who can't even offer her a comfortable homelife? Get REAL!
2006-08-11 07:38:41 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 0⤋
I think you should first define what believe "love" is for you and for your mistress. You say you love your wife, but you write that you "think" you love your mistress. I think that statement reveals that you really haven't spent enough time with this mistress to know how you truly feel.
How do you know you'd want to be with her in a committed relationship? She could be a totally different person. You already know she is capable of betraying trust (obviously -- she's cheating on her husband), so there is no reason to believe that she wouldn't do the same thing to you. (She should be thinking the same thing, as you are also doing that to your wife.) Thus, if you and your mistress began a relationship, you'd be beginning it on a lie, which is not the best way to start a future.
What does love mean to her? If she doesn't want to leave her husband strictly for financial reasons, she may be the kind of person who thinks love is secondary to finance. Do you have the kind of money to support her in the way in which she is accustomed? Do you want to?
Lastly, do you really love her or is it just lust? Romantic love changes to companionate love, and if you've been married for a long time, the spark may have worn off because the relationship lacks newness. The same thing will happen with your mistress. Are you sure you really want to risk losing your wife more than you have already?
Maybe you just felt like you needed a change.
2006-08-11 07:55:47 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you want to have your cake and eat it too.
Is it really fair to your wife, whom you love so much. How would you feel if the tables were turned? What would your heart feel if your wife caught you with your mistress.
What is it that your mistress provides that your not getting from your wife?
i FEEL FOR YOU, but more for your wife. Betrayal is a hard thing to get over. If you truly love your wife...search deep within and find a way to be totally and completely happy with JUST her.
There is this book that give 52 ways to keep the spice in your marriage. It is a two way street (things for both husband and wife to initiate and do) It should last a year if done once a week.
Look to God, deep in your heart and any other place you can find to make this foolishness end with your mistress
It will only lead to someone getting hurt.
Probably YOU. but even worst your WIFE
Good luck with doing the right thing
2006-08-11 07:54:25 · answer #3 · answered by Ms Confused 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
okay, this is coming from someone who had an affair with an older man (during my first marriage to a momma's boy! but now i am remarried to a different man, 22 yrs older than i and am completely happy and haven't thought of cheating on him!) i thought i loved my first affair, too. but the reality of it was the fact that i was getting the attention that i so wantingly craved. the sex was awesome (my ex was a "minuteman") and i felt wanted and needed. but then i came to the realization of the fact that my "fantasy world" was indeed a fantasy, not reality. In the fantasy, there weren't any bills, money disagreements, kids, chores or anything else. just him and myself all wrapped up with each other. If you make your fantasy a reality, then you will end up in the same situation of your current marriage, bills, chores, kids, money and all the stress that a "normal" life hands you. it will not be the exciting thing you once had. the future that you want with your mistress will always and only be a fantasy. you will not be happy if it were a reality. if you really are IN LOVE with your wife and not just LOVE her as a person, then work with your wife and let the mistress go. If you are still in love with her, you can re-ignite the sparks that were once there. But if you just love her as a person, you need to do away with the mistress and possibly separate for awhile (from the wife) to find out what you really NEED and not WANT. She (mistress) isn't going to leave her hubby. Ever. I had the same thing, the guy i was having the fling with would never have left his wife even though he was unhappy. I broke it off with the fling and separated and got a divorce from my first husband. I am so totally happy with my current hubby, we do have our fantasy world, but most of the times it is the reality world. But we are IN LOVE with each other and that is why the stress and reality is able to be dealt with. Good luck! (ps. I'm 31 and my hubby is 53 - age is just a number on paper!)
2006-08-11 07:44:58 · answer #4 · answered by glendonite 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
what the %*$&%#$()???
why are you with someone else if you love your wife?
Your screwing up 4 peoples lives here....more if either of you have kids. Your nuts. You shouldn't have gotten involved in the first place. You should tell your wife, if she still wants you then don't do anything to break that!!!!! If she hates your guts (as she should) then go to your mistress. Its also a little odd, if you are almost 60, and you claim that you love this person, You typed "luv" which is what middleschoolers use and called her a girl, not a woman.
Think about what you would loose, what you already have lost and weigh the consequences.
2006-08-11 07:39:57 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You both really need to sit down and talk about the future seriously. You can't really love your wife if you're having an affair and if everything was fine between you and her you wouldn't be in this situation in the first place. If the girl at work truely loves you, then she'd find ways of leaving her husband as i can't understand why she's financially tied to him. Maybe you can both start from fresh and have a future together, but you'd really need to be sure its what you both want.
2006-08-11 11:07:31 · answer #6 · answered by . 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
you are both too old for this don't have an affair its underhand. if you want out of a relationship, be a grown up have some respect for your wife, end your marriages. IF you still want to be with each other then start a relationship. The odd night away in a travelodge, YUK
2006-08-11 08:40:56 · answer #7 · answered by katyclover 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you will not leave your wife for her, then you don't love your mistress. You just love what you can get from her. The best thing to do is to make up in your mind where you want to be. Sounds to me that you want to be with your wife. Leave the other party alone. And start your new life. If you decide to leave your wife, just know because you love her, it would not work out with your mistress.
Stay with your wife, make things right and end it with the mistress. I know you are in quite a mess right now but that is the best thing to do.
2006-08-11 07:47:45 · answer #8 · answered by WANDERER 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are cheating then you can't love your wife that much. and if you do love her at all you would end it sooner rather than later to avoid making her feel any worse.
and if the other woman is "financially tied" to her husband it doesn't sound like she would end the relationship even if you ended yours. any court can settle finances during divorce so i think shes just finding excuses.
i suggest you sit down with her and have a serious chat about the future prospects of your relationship and decide whether to end it or end your marriages but there is no way you should continue on as you are. you are hurting other people just for your own personal gain. i just hope there aren't any kids involved coz that would really make you the lowest of the low (putting it politely!!!)
2006-08-11 08:20:31 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're headed down a very bumpy, dark, and dangerous road, man! Stop now while you still can. If you only think that you love her, then you probably don't. You love the IDEA of her and are in lust with her. If she doen't love her husband but is "financially tied" to him, she can still leave. She just chooses not to until she finds another sugar daddy. If you love your wife, then work on the relationship with her. Try something new sexually with your wife. Talk to her about your wandering feelings. You're having an affair because something is missing or lacking in your marriage. Fix it before SHE decides to wander too!
2006-08-11 07:47:51 · answer #10 · answered by Babs 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋