I just want to thank you guys for all your answers over the last few weeks.?

Question

This is a hot button for me, with my mom being gay. She left my dad and I 18 years ago when I was 8 and when i started college she began to call again and try to establish a relationship.

It's opened my world up a lil. I'm still prolly considered pretty close minded. I'm getting there kind of like the White girl in the movie (Remember The Titans,) She didn't shake Julian's hand the first time but a lil while later she came back and shook his hand.
The key thing for me that I'm seeing is that it wasn't my Dad's Fault and it wasn't my fault that she left I still think that it is our fault somtimes. To be very honest with all of you that is a very easy mind set to fall into. I'm serious here, so be conscious of that. With us close minded straights.

This is crazy but my mom cheated on my dad, he never told me until I got on here and started questioning your life style. To this day he loves her but he's remarried now. It makes me a lil sad becasue he never bad mouthed her.

He just rasied me believing that she left becasue she had to take care her self. I'm freely telling you this becasue advice from a stranger is the best for me.

This lil Q and A has helped. I think thats why I'm unconfortable around Gay women because of what happend with my dad. Gay guys don't bother me cause I'm not concerned with it.

Not all straights are comging from the same state of mind when they disagree with you is what I'm trying to show here.

Thanks thou, for real.

Hey Kookoo I'm going to keep asking until I'm satisfied, you don't like it you don't have to answer just pretend I'm not here.

Answer 1

Hello again,
You are such a great man.... It must have been hard for you. The only advise I have for you is ... It was never your dad's fault nor yours. People sometimes make bad choices in life. Unfortunately her choice to handle her situation the way she did effected so many people. She probably had a hard time underneath, she missed out on you. It probably doesn't matter anymore who's fault it was since everyone missed out.. If you hold on to this forever It will effect your relationship in your life. So try to forgive so you can move forward. I haven't talked to my dad in years, I've tried to have a relationship with him but he is so messed up he would rather not talk to me. I use to hate him and now I made it a point to tell him I love him, I said sorry for things I've done and I made my Peace. I didn't know that would be the last time I talked to him. I have forgiven him. It makes me less angry and I have a wonderful relationship now that;s healthy.
I'm glad your father met someone new everyone deserves to be happy. You also deserve to be happy. You cant change what has happened. But my friend Your on the right track of changing you. Make Peace with your self, take that baggage (hurt and pain) and bury it in the back yard. You can go visit it anytime you want, but just don't carry it around anymore. Things that happen to us make us who we are, and your a pretty fine young man. Best wishes to you and much love in your life.

Answer 2

It's good to know that Answers has helped you in some way! I was beginning to wonder if anything good could come out of Answers anymore. I'm glad you're seeing that your mom's actions were NOT your fault or your dad's fault. Regardless of her being gay or straight, abondoning YOU was not the right thing to do in my opinion. But there are always two sides to every story and I'm sure she had her reasons for leaving. It's just a shame that it left such an open wound on your heart. I hope time begins to heal, my friend!

Answer 3

It's never easy when a parent leaves the home, no matter what the reason is. It isn't sad that your dad didn't badmouth your mother because he's a real man. He realized that all of the badmouthing, hate, and anger would consume him. He was able to forgive your mother and move on(you said that he got remarried, right?).

You need to do the same thing, my dear. You're mother is you mother. You have to forgive her, sweetie. That's the only way you're going to heal. You cannot blame us for your mother being a lesbian. I know it's hurtful, but once you get all of that malice and hate out of your heart, you'll slowly be albe to build a relationship with your mother. Maybe she can tell you why she left you and your dad. Who knows? I can't stress enough that you need to forgive , Forgive, FORGIVE. That's the only way you'll have peace. Good luck to you, baby.

Answer 4

You are more than welcome.

Holding in resentment is terrible to do. It destroys your piece of mind. It is bad even to harbor resentment for someone that really deserves it like a boss who fired you because he is a prick or a for someone that ripped you off to make aquick buck. But against your own mother - that must be very painful. I wish you luck in your healing. I'll put you in my prayers.

It must make you feel so much better now to know that both parents have moved on with thier lives. Doubtless it will be now easier for you to forgive your mother and come to terms with how she is - since really it is only you that is still hanging on to the past.

Their is no cure like time and education. Read the advocate. See some lesbian movies. Do you live near a gay lesbian community center? Why don't you attend a gay bingo with your mother and her partner or something like that? A movie night? A pot luck? Out with the old, in with the new.

Answer 5

And you keep right on asking. I am glad that you found this forum, and that you decided to take the step in your life that you needed! Don't let anyone discourage you. Thank you for being courageous enough to confront the things that have botherd and hurt you for most of your life. To me, that is what everyone should do. I know it's not easy, but you are trying to gain an understanding. Good for you, and good luck.

Answer 6

Your mom made a decision to leave, and nobody can say for sure if that was the best thing for you at the time. But I know loads of gay moms who raise their kids alone, or with the help of an ex. So please don't judge all lesbians by your mom. Maybe she did what was best and maybe not, but it's not a lesbian thing, it's a mom thing.

Answer 7

You are a very honest guy. I have words for you that hopefully will not offend. NEVER judge what your parents have done...they have done the best they could with what they had. You are a living example of a guy who grew up one way or another and has come out very well. Be thankful to all concerned. You are what you are today BECAUSE your mom left, not in spite of it. YOUR mom had to do what she had to do at the time....nothing is ever done in this area to hurt others, it is done because of this or that. Don't blame your Mom for past actions..they may well have been out of her control. No one is going to feel worse than she that she had to leave, trust me on that one...I am a parent of two sons, I am gay, ended up having to leave, but I kept my sons 4 days a week, my ex kept them 3...we both agreed that we would raise them as a united front. My Ex and I are still close friends. Your dad was hurt at the time, but all people move through and on with this kind of stuff. Do not blame your Mom. Welcome her back into your life, she has much wisdom that she will share with you. No one is going to expect you to feel the closeness you might have had she been around, but she already knows that. She wants to share her life with you, please do not blame her lesbianism on her, she had no choice. IF she had stayed, your life would have been much worse, hers would have been much worse, and your dad's would have been much worse. All in all, it was/is a win/win situation. Your dad, of course, still loves her...no one ever falls out of love once they love someone, but he loves another also, on firm grounds that are rewarding. Take your Mom into your heart, there is always room for one more. You will be the better for it. And please, again, do not blame her for the pain she caused...she hurt more than all the rest put together, and still does. Help her out. She gave you life. IT takes so little to please a parent, you have it within you to be bigger than this..and again, do not blame gay women...they are as they are because they have NO choice in the matter. I look at some of the replies posted above and marvel at the lack of understanding. Wisdom comes with age, and obviously, some here are very young. NOTHING in life is black or white...all in tones of gray. The best of luck to you, and peace.

Answer 8

I am sorry that your mother would do that. I raised two boys -- they were not of my body, and I didn't have them until they were in their early teens -- but I raised them, and I cannot imagine anything that would have made me abandon them. I am so sorry that happened to you.

I don't know what else to say.

I have not minded your questions, and I always do try to answer you in a way that will help.

Be in peace.

Kind thoughts,

Reynolds
[e-mail]

Answer 9

it's never easy when your parents break up, and 1 of them leaves. I've seen it happen with friends and within my own family. it's always hardest on the kids. I wish you well in your relationship with your mom, and your dad. I hope you become even more open-minded as the time passes.

Answer 10

goldwing110083 Absolutely beautiful... Oasis... I don't care who you went to, how much you were willing to pay.. you could not find more sound advice then Goldwing gave..
I'm not your touchy feely emotional kinda guy at all but his words carry deep meaning and emotion...

Time to forgive ... resentments will eat a man alive.. not only destroying the man himself but often anyone who's around..