Can you be addicted to adult webites? My husband is.........?

Question

and he particularly the sites where he can meet people with like minded fetishes. I have asked him to stop and he promises me every time that he will but after the last time (where I nearly told him to leave and he promised me he would get help) I have now discovered he has a new email address (which he has lied about) and still seems to be continuing. Does anyone out there have any advice on what I can do or help he can get?

Answer 1

XXXXXXXXXX this addiction is like anyother. Like drugs or sex addiction believe it or not. Is a mind set and just talking about it won't make him stop. It's a high you get like taking drugs and you have to lie, cheat and steal to contiue using it. Unfortunately it ruin marriagesand turn husbands into habitual liars. Your husband needs help. Unfortunatly their isn't a place like AA for adult website users. Good luck in finding your way through this. XXXXXX

Answer 2

It's not quite clear whether he's just "looking at images/movies" or actually interacting with other people (you suggest the latter might be true) in regards to his sex urges.

While sexual addiction isn't great no matter how it's indulged in, I would be concerned especially if he is interacting with others and perhaps setting up a situation where he would be inclined to pursue his fetish(es) in real life.

Either he's not serious about quitting, or he's not willing to submit himself to some sort of authority that can help him work out the issue and move past it.

You threatened to have him leave before, and he promised to quit, and went back on his promise. Logic says you can't threaten something without carrying through with it.

If you're serious about dealing with this, I would ask him to make the decision again -- leave or fix things -- and then (not in a condescending or over-mothering way) walk through the process with him of finding help if he decides to stay.

Help him find a counselor. Help him set up the computer to block this sort of stuff, or arrange the computer so that he doesn't have that level of privacy if possible. Help him find a support group of guys who want to quit, who can stick with him. This is partly addiction, partly choice (and the more you choose it, the more addictive it becomes and the less choice you have), so find ways to strengthen him against it.

Ultimately, though, the behavior is a sign that something is wrong in his life, and he is finding it easier to troll online than deal with whatever that problem is. Instead of coming to you and sharing his heart, he's going off to his online sites because it's easier and demands less commitment.

I don't know whether this will take counseling or just very open, frank, deep conversations between the two of you -- and the willingness to rearrange your schedules to spend more time together and act as a unit -- but he needs some help in wrestling with the intimacy issues.

Answer 3

Well to start with it seems that you answered your own question. If your husband is having a problem removing himself from these sites then perhaps you should both go and see either a marriage counsellor, sex therapist or some kinds of relationship expert. It's very sad when couples start to lie and deceive one and other. Communication is the answer to many problems but sometimes a little extra help is needed to get it out of the person. Best of luck.

Answer 4

First of all he may have a secret fantasy he has not revealed to you!! Ask him what it is about these web sites that int rests him, and ask him what his fantasies are!! You might be surprised to know most people have fantasies that they are afraid to disclose to those they care about!! IE: this guy fantasizes about having his girl spank and control him completely!! Now he does not want to tell her because he's afraid she'll tell others, think less of him as a man etc. If he refuses to share with you let him go because sooner or later he will find someone that will fulfill his fantasy (from the chat line or personals)!!!

Answer 5

Hey girl,
I have been there with my husband before. First off, its a problem he has in his head, not a problem with you.
The very first thing you need to do is pray, pray like crazy that God will protect you and help save your marriage. Pray that you can say the right things in the situation. and give complete control to God. Understand that you can't change him, but if you love him and are patient you can reach him.
My husband and I went to marital counseling and agreed that he is not allowed to use the computer until I can find the way to trust him again and then he can use it with the strict knowledge that he is not to break that trust. So far its worked out great. We are both attending church regularly and keeping to our marital vows. I wish you well with the situation. Pray and seek counseling. God Bless you.

Answer 6

I know a lot of ppl will tell you to leave but I am not...I am going thru the same thing you are and I find that if I let him do it then after he is on it for awhile he comes to me more often for sex and has gotten a lot better at it as well. I know its hard but he's not going out on you...Some men need a lot of stimulation all the time others can refrain we just got the ones that love sex and love to talk about at look at and have it... As long as he's getting enough at home with you then he will stay faithful...men dont look to have an affair if their wives are loving and kind and give them a little leway every now and then

Answer 7

I always find these situations odd. I don't especially like porn, but for a single adult male like me, it seems like to only safe alternative, for the time being any way. I would much rather participate than sit idly by just watching, that's why i always envy people that are in committed relationships. They can get it any time they want, and i think because of that they tend to take it for granted, whereas someone like me cherishes those moments, few though they may be.

Answer 8

The only advice that I can give you is that men will be men. My husband has a porn collection. When we first got married I did not know that. I found the collection on my own in the house. I approached him about it and we had a discussion about it. He told me that watches the movies to find new ways to keep our sex life spicy. Its nothing wrong with getting pointers he says. I had a problem with it at first, it just made me feel like he had to watch them to get some type of pleasure, like I wasn't doing enough to please him. but after a while I realized the more I fussed about it that made him do it more. We had about three arguments about the subject. I later decided to sit down with him one day and watch it with him and after that. I realized that he was telling the truth. It wasn't about him being pleased. He even was asking me questions liek is that a position that would get you to C*M fast. He really was watching them to find ways to please me. So maybe you should sit down with him and find out what causes him to go on-line. Maybe you are not doing what you are suppose to be doing in the bed room. Remember what you won't do another woman will.

Answer 9

Sweety, He has a serious problem... If you have asked him to stop and he won't than that is completely disrespectful and ignorant on HIS part!! And about that new e-mail address, yeah not good...... He maybe talking to women from your area and that is not going to lead to anything good. Mostly likely my dear, he is going to have an affair, give him an ultimatum, Your realtionship or the websites. You shouldn't have to put up with that....Marriage is an oath to love honor and RESPECT one another. If he can't do that then what kind of marriage do you have? If you want to try and salvage whats left of this relationship you need to chuck the computer..... he needs SOLO counseling and the two of you need to attend Marital counseling where there is a mediator to stop one of you from walking out the door before the other is finished talking. I understand how this makes you feel, you need to either get him to understand or you just need to walk away. GOOD LUCK!!

Answer 10

My partner also likes certain things- and I buy him adult magazines
the reality is men have to be visually stimulated- whereas women are mentally stimulated.
Because hes doing these things doesnt mean that he doesnt love you or anything like that, and the fact of the matter is all this adult stuff is his fantasy- YOU are his reality and you have to remember that-and the sooner you do the soon you will not be bothered.
I bet if you started looking at hot men he would have something to say-Just tell him how you feel- its not going to stop him doing it but he will understand- then you do things you like to do- its like a hobby (all men are the same)

Answer 11

Try unplugging the PC and back dat thang up a few times. Maybe if you take care of his needs, he won't be looking elsewhere....or just maybe you married a pervert and you just found out.

Either way, you got some problems that you might want to sit down with a professional counselor and discuss this with you and him together.