Spousal abuse survivors only!?

Question

I was in a very abusive marriage for over a decade. What has helped you, what wisdom, what books or what people have helped you recover? How has this affected you and your current day to day life?

Answer 1

The most important thing to learn is how to trust yourself again. You won't trust others until you trust yourself. Most important, remember that it wasn't your fault. You are not to blame. The best advice I can give you is have a good support system. And don't start dating until you feel you can trust yourself. It will be hard, but worth it once you've gained your self respect and confidence back. It will take years to let go of the daily fear, the memories, and the flinching. Counseling can and will help.
I've learned that I should trust my instincts. If a situation feels wrong, it's wrong. I don't under estimate people. I learned the value of friendship, trust and love. I am married again. To the right person, and it's wonderful. It took many years, but I've finally learned to live life as the person I am, not the person others want me to be. Good Luck to you.

Answer 2

Helping others has helped me heal
My therapist has helped me recover
It affected me by lowering my self steem, I lost my dignity as a human being and lost all social contact.
After deciding to leave and divorcing my ex, then I recuperated my life.
After two years of theraphy and recovery I have made great progress, however, 'till today I can hear his voice telling me that I'm wortless and that i was nobody wothout him and that nobody would never love me. It fuels my insecurities and my depression.

It also affects my present relationship, it's hard to trust again and to let down your guard. It's hard not to think that this will happend again and that's why I am always trying to run away from love...because I don't want to hurt again.

I am fine now, but it's a heavy load to carry. I had to let go of it and I have, thank goodnes!

Good luck

Answer 3

Yes i am still in a abusive marraige 20 years.(verbal)I know as a person i am always sad altough i try for the sake of my children to smile and be positive.
I think my religion helps me.
My children are my support.
When my children are old enough i would probably leave if things dont change
Altough i have to admit for the last 8 months he has been trying very hard to control himself. He as a person is very nice, very caring always wanting to help
but i do feel the damage is done.
we will wait and see.

Answer 4

Are you out now? If not you need to do it. There is life after abuse. I have been out for three years now and financially in the beginning it was hard. Also you need to move past the why me and move to I am special and deserve the best. I had to learn how to trust others, learn to take a compliment, learn to not question that inner voice. It is hard but you will make it. I am now in a stable relationship and have to work everyday to not let my past life sneak in and ruin anything for this guy. I make myself aware everyday that I am a good person and deserve to be happy and to deserve to have good things happen to me. Give yourself permission to be happy. You deserve it. Never look back and always put your thoughts and feeling first!

Answer 5

I'm finishing this kind of reletionship: my humiliation was so deep thatI cannot accept anything from him> I'm going counselling to understand the losses, I found a job, I'm taking antidepressant and I'm sorrounding myself only with people that love me> Everything else is garbage.
Love yourself and indulge in bad and good moments: rebuild your self esteem and don't look back> If you have children, give them stbility and attention: they'll be the reason of your success> My daughter is my pride, everybody at school, friends, in every social contest envies the good girl she is despite my unstable life.
She is my stability.....

Answer 6

survived ten years. belive it or not watching Oprah really helped me. She has a lot of shows about how to respect yourself and treat yourself better. also i stayed single for over 5 years, didnt even look at a man, i focused on my kids, family work and building my self worth. it was a long road, but with my support and prayer i made it . and i would never put my self in that situation again. good luck.

Answer 7

my family and my own strong will helped me the relationship has affected me so that it's hard for me to trust the guy i'm with now and have been for 3 years every time he gets angry i flinch i'm scared to make people mad because i'm scared to be hit or worse my ex husband had me feel like the bad dog waiting for the rooled up news paper and my wild horse nature kept me from staying down to long

Answer 8

I'm a survivor of 11 years of hell on earth. I'm out of it and thanks to my kids and my friends - I am happy and moving forward. I still avoid confrontation and arguements. I'm still afraid to raise my voice at someone in fear they will strike me. I still find myself avoiding steps (which the ex would like to push me down). Those scars may neve heal.....but I'm happy now. I have remarried and he is a wonderful caring man...gentle and patient. Life is good (but then again, anything was better than that).

Answer 9

I got away from him as soon as it started . The women's and victims advocate, local law enforcement and my family. I also recommend seeing a counsel. It helped me a great deal. Good luck i know it;s hard but there is a bright side to everything.

Answer 10

What helped me was watching my son start to treat women the same way. It opened my eyes to reality. Then the counseling begins. Be strong and keep your head up beautiful, it's worth it!!