I don't understand why you would make a commitment to someone, BY CHOICE, then break it by sneaking around behind their back to be with someone else. I can understand changing your mind, but why not just end the marriage at that point? Especially if you still care about the person's feelings. Isn't the deceit usually much worse?
2006-08-11 06:22:48 · 17 answers · asked by Cyndi Storm 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
People feel like they got married on certain terms and that the other person broke the terms, but they are too lazy to break it off like they should. Many people who cheat have a plan to end the marriage, in the back of their mind, but something is keeping them from doing it, like the costs or the children.
Usually it's men and according to studies the top 2 reasons are because because they are unsatisfied with the frequency or quality of sex. These people have usually given up on their partner's willingness to meet their needs and after a certain amount of years and see cheating as a loophole where they can get their needs met and still keep their children and keep their assets. But those people are 1/2 way out the door, they are just not motivated to face divorce and visitation.
2006-08-11 06:30:16 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Many people make the mistake of getting into relationships when its clear to anybody else outside of them that they are not ready.
The reason why people dont inform theyre loved ones of ongoing affairs is the furt they feel it will cause. Theyre are men out there as well as women who are very emotion driven.
Another theory of mine is
The problem is, its way to scary and unhealty these days to base a relationship on what is is you really want ..
For men thats sex (Im not a woman so i cant really comment on what they want from a relationship)
If we lived in a society where you could read everyones mind on how they felt about there current relationships im willing to bet you that less then 50% will actually say theyre in it for the compaionship.
2006-08-11 13:33:04 · answer #2 · answered by ijustcamehere4freefood 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are two possible reasons. The first is that an affair is fobidden fruit. It is exciting. Full of passion. I've had affairs with girls who hated me and still wanted to cheat on their boyfriends with me. Beacuse it was exciting, like skydiving.
The other possible reason is that the relationship itself is falling apart and the person is looking outside the relationship to find the intimacy and closeness that was the reason for getting together in the first place.
In my mind, a person's choice to cheat means that they either don't take the relationship seriously, or don't feel like they are in it anyway. I've never met anyone who genuinely regretted cheating on someone.
The deciet part of it is just procrastination, trying to postpone the drama of the breakup until a later date.
2006-08-11 13:31:00 · answer #3 · answered by Magina 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What value do commitments have these days?
Commitments made by choice - and even sworn in front of God - are being regularly broken. I am talking about the high rate of divorces even in church held marriages.
The solution is don't commit yourself to anything - then you won't be breaking anything. Take any relationship as purely temporary.
Even an affair will be only temporary - as long it lasts.
2006-08-11 13:32:01 · answer #4 · answered by bagsprosh 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't know about the appeal, but I think men and women do it for different reasons. In general, men are looking for excitement and instant gratification - sometimes they hardly remember who they were with. Women tend to cheat to fill an emotional void. I've seen a lot of comments like "walk away if you are not satisfied", "dump him/her" and so on. Ending a marriage is a very complex business.
2006-08-11 13:42:15 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My ex-husband just couldn't control his urges. Wanted the "thrill" while still having his home life be all comfy. Jerk. Then, he wasn't faithful to his next wife, either (had a child with another woman), and has cheated on his live-in girlfriend of 5 years. He will never learn that the grass is NOT greener on the other side of the fence.
2006-08-11 13:28:20 · answer #6 · answered by 2bizy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The appeal is the excitement of a new romance and the thrill of chancing getting caught.
And yes, the deceit is usually MUCH worse.
I don't understand caring about someone and doing that to them either. *shrug*
2006-08-11 13:27:18 · answer #7 · answered by Hidden .38 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's very possible that I would not be getting what I need in one relationship and feel the best place to fill that void is somewhere else.
If you are married, it gets very complicated when you have kids, a house and a future planned together. It's not that easy just to "break up". The lying and cheating isn't good, but marriages can be fixed.
2006-08-11 13:27:12 · answer #8 · answered by Hot Pants 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I don't understand, either. My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years. His wife years ago cheated on him, and it took him a long time to trust again. I would never do that to him, I'd have to break up with him first, and that's not going to happen. He feels the same way. We trust each other completely.
2006-08-11 13:28:55 · answer #9 · answered by ditzy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Danger.
Because it is "forbidden" people want to do it more.
We all want what we can't have. Ending a marriage costs a ton...plus you're on the hook for alimony and there are kids to consider. I'm not saying its not selfish, just I understand.
2006-08-11 13:27:09 · answer #10 · answered by Morty 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋