how do I move on?

Question

I have been married going on two years but been with him on and off 9 years. We have two babies together, a two year old and a one year old. About three weeks ago my husband cheated on me with a ex of his (to top it off she is his 4th cousin). He left and did not come home for three days. During that time he said everything mean thing possible to me (he didn't want to be with me, he is not in love with me etc..) . Sunday night he finally returned with a mark on his neck. We then made a decision to split. After he saw me looking for places and actually making a attempt to leave his whole mind changed and now I was hearing nothing but I love you's I need you's etc... After I gave it some thought I decided we would try to make it work. I feel I am struggling alot. I always think he is up to something. I have dreams that this is going to happen again. I dream about what has happened. I love him so much, but how do i move on with him without making myself and him miserable?

Answer 1

Time...

and another love interest may help...easiest way to forget about one is to replace them with another

Answer 2

Today is your lucky day~ Peep this he is sick~ 4th cousin is still a NO no~ any family member for that matter. He is totally sick~ AS far as him loving you - the young lady who got burned recently was on OPRAH and she said (LOVE does not HURT) so if you are hurting then you are not in love~ U took a oath til death do you part and for richer and poorer; IT does not say JACK about cheating and staying gone for 3 days and coming back with MARKS on him. Of course a guy will see the bigger picture once he sees you wanting to get ahead but as soon as you decide to stay he will go back to the same BULL@#$~ U got kids and you do not need to be ran in the ground. He mess around and bring you back something you can't get rid of~ HIV/AIDS kill, they have no face or smell~ So smell the GOOD CLEAN air now and pack your kids stuff and keep moving. He is not good for you. You all have broken up to get back together too much~ its time for a NEW change~ Stop allowing him to walk over you and then you take him back~ Show him you can DO YOU without HIM~ U do not need a man to justify your happiness and you do not need a man to help you get on your feet~ U need to show the kids you got this covered and under wraps. Come on Mama, roll out~ Just because this marriage not successful it does not mean it can not happen for you again and this time it be the REAL DEAL~ GET OUT for GOOD~ Oh yeah you are making yourself miserable by taking the DRAMA and the unpleasant and dysfunctional environment~

Answer 3

Don't be a fool....HE is the one to move out TODAY! He is the one who will never be what you want. He is the liar, he is the one who said you are worthless. Well, it is time he learned a very important life lesson...don't screw around with your mate...you won't have one for long. Why would YOU move. Kick his butt out on the street, or into the arms of his cousin (I have no idea what that had to do with the scene), call a lawyer and sue for divorce AND child support to the max. LEt him find out just what kind of life he will have when all his money is paying for HIS kids. I think he will not be enjoying things so much...he just added up what he WON"T have if you divorce...MONEY! It has nothing to do with you, my dear. He lies to you at every turn. IF you are fool enough to take him back, then go away from here...no advice in the world will be good enough except for what you want to hear. He is a dirty, rotten scoundrel who has rubbed his infidelity in your face, knowing you would do nothing about it....says a lot about how he thinks of you! Well, his thoughts have not changed. Stop being a door matt and start being a woman. TODAY. ANd YOU stay in your home....he is to leave...you have the kids, you have the furniture that THEY need...they need all the stability you can hang on to. IF you don't do it today, next week, you are going to be writing here, "my husband left me for his 4th cousin, now what do I do? " Good luck and peace

Answer 4

You will be miserable for the rest of your life if you do not leave this bastard immediately. until you find a place of own stay at your relative or a friend's house, if you do not have a relative or a friend they are so my non profit organizations that you can go to. They can help you. Mark my work Once a cheater will always be a cheater." No matter how much he says he loves you now, if you do not run away from this man, you will never be happy. As for your babies they will lead a much better and happier life if you two split.

Answer 5

you deserve better, for yourself and your children. no women, no matter what people may say, deserves to be cheated on. its not right period. you gave this mad the best gift he could ever recieve when you had his children he has no right to disrespect you in anyway shape or form. i know its hard to leave someone you has been apart of your life for so long but it really is the best thing you can do for yourself, and you deserve to be happy. who cares about his feelings he obviously didn't care about your when he did all that stuff. go ahead and find a new place to live and one day just have your friends come over and have a packing party and get the hell out. keeps your friends close by to help you deal with any tought times. file for divorce and start living your life the way you want to and be happy. you are in control of your own destiny, no one else. good luck i hope you make the right choice for you.

Answer 6

If you want to move forward with your marriage, you will have to learn how to trust this man again, and he will have to be willing to work to earn that trust back.

You need to sit down and have a serious talk about what each of you needs out of this marriage to make it work. You are still worried that he is cheating. What does he need to do so that you will not be worried? Maybe he needs to spend more time at home and account for any time that he isn't at home. Maybe you need to have a phone number where you can reach him at any time. Think about what it is you really need from him to reassure you.

You both need to commit to making this marriage work. That means, you need to PLAN. Plan in some time together without the kids. You should try to spend at least one evening together alone each week. Trade babysitting with a friend if you need to or schedule in time together after the kids have gone to bed, but it must be time that you are together to talk about your struggles and the things that make you happy. You also need to plan in some time together as a family with the kids every week. Remember that a strong marriage will be the best thing you can do for your kids, so make it top priority.

Don't let life just "happen" to you. Be strategic about it. Talk about what you both want in 5 years and in 10 years and how you are going to move forward together to achieve those things. Consider marriage counseling as a support to making your marriage work and be willing to change counselors if yours doesn't seem to be helping you to reach your goals. Be willing to do whatever it takes to strengthen your marriage and family.

Best wishes to you both.

Answer 7

I know it is hard but you have to leave. It could totally get worse. You are so much more better than this man. It will not take that long for u to get over him once u leave. It might hurt a lot but honestly u can and will find someone that is going to make u some much happier and that u can trust. There are so many men in this world that are going to treat u right. Leave him girl. You will not regret it!

Answer 8

hi.. i just want to say that u are not alone in this kind of situation. I am too and very very close to your situation right this very moment.

I understand the difficulty of trusting again after all those pain and hatred. Honestly i even want revenge and still planning on it but im holding on because things might get even worse especially that his mistress is just our neighbor and is still living near us. Do expect that things be miserable for the next months and even year everytime we remember what he did because of too much hatred but i think if there's really love on both sides then we could overcome all this.

For me im giving him another chance because as my kids grow up they would know things it may not be from my mouth but from people around and i dont want them to think that i was too selfish to consider just my own happiness. I think all kids need a daddy to grow up with and when someday theyd go on stage for graduation or anything they wanted to have a mom and a dad to be with. Im not saying we just ignore this kind.im just saying we have to make adjustments for this first offense because we have responsibility now. For as long as i see that their daddy loves them so much. I wouldnt want to risk taking them away from him. it might hurt them badly.

How to move on? Its a matter of time & communication. U said u still love him, dont show it to him. Make him suffer/regret what he did by showing him a little attention. Brought home a food and give much to the kids and u, give a bit only for him.Treat yourself to a beauty makeover. This is just so he sees what he would lose. This is a little revenge but not cruel.

Im just telling you here my view of it.Hopefully this could at least help.u know some ideas..

Answer 9

If you are serious about wanting to stay together, you should really get into some couples counseling. That will help you work through your feelings and move past this, and you will be able to figure out why he cheated and what you both can be doing better. I'd say don't quit on him just yet!

Answer 10

like dd14101 said but if he did it again he will do it again. If he loves you he would have not did that to you. I was with a man for 4 years going on to 5 years i was 4 months preg... with his kids. And he cheated on me. at this moment i am with a female and she has been around since i was 41/2 months preg..... If u choose to be with him save money and do not let him know. For your safety you never know what can happen. Take care. And be strong for your kids.

Answer 11

Try marriage counseling. If that doesn't work, then you need to leave him because you'll never be happy with those unpleasant thoughts in your head. Besides, you have children involved and you need to think of them too. Also, since you've been married under 3 years you can still get it annulled.