ive been working really hard on it so honest answers defiently appreciated!!
one day i saw the sky
and i realized that i like rye
((((bread))))
i was listening to the tv
and i realized im the mayor of..... heartbreak city
(((((OOOOOOOOOOOOOOo yea yea ))))))))))))))
((chorus:))
roller coaster, roller coaster,
im realizing
im just a toaster,, just a toaster
busy frying...
so that was it, its call REALIZATION. thanks!
2006-08-11 06:02:48 · 35 answers · asked by me 3 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Polls & Surveys
GOSH u guys are so hurtful!
2006-08-11 06:11:20 · update #1
As a commercial for a toaster.. you might have something. I've never seen a commercial for a toaster, but it could happen. It could be called Toaster Dreams.
It isn't crumb-y.
lol
2006-08-11 06:07:11 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
im sorry im a poet... there was no depth to it. you know how to rhyme, but it takes more than that to be a true poet, your words have to carry your deepest emotions it almost sounded like you were writing it as a joke, im sorry if i hurt ur feelins... here is one of mine
Transition from Pain to Gain
My thoughts were irrational
in my mind was so much pain
I had nothing left to lose
yet I had nothing left to gain
I kept spiraling down
into this pit of my own design
when I finally hit bottom
I just liad there, curled up, crying
"somebody, anybody, save me:
loose me from this chain!"
when all I heard was mocking
I began to feel the pain
Hell`s fire started to consume me
eating at my very soul
it hit me from all sides
like a pack of wolves attacking a foal
It slowly ate away at my life
to where I thought of suicide
everything seemed easier
to have just given up and died
When I was at the very bottom of the pit
curled up on that altar
God`s hand was finally on my life
and for once i diddnt falter
God lifted me up
and filled me with the Holy Ghost
he nurtured me, loved me
and healed me to the most
Even though times aren`t easy
and life isn`t handed to me on a platter
as long as God is on my side
nothing else matters
I find comfort in knowing
that God controls my life
everything works alot better
when I hand him all the strife
He knows what will happen
and what needs to be done
he knew that we need forgivness
that`s why he sent his son
God placed his son on the cross
to cover all of our sins
Jesus suffered all the pain
so we in turn may win
Now we can prevail
over anything in our lives
God fights alongside us
and gives us the sharpest of knives
Those knives are called faith, love,
total reliance on him (God)
patience, kindness, charitability,
and sometimes just being a friend
God gives us all the tools
to walk through this life
just let him handle the details
he`ll take care of all the strife
Meagen Bay
2006-08-11 06:11:45 · answer #2 · answered by jesus_freak_forever3days2grace 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tune your Fender guitar sharp, riff fast in G. Draw out an F chord using a tremelo (whammy bar) when you reach "heartbreak city" and "busy frying", switching from F to C and use that tremelo again on the G.
Try that and see what happens.
2006-08-11 06:09:28 · answer #3 · answered by Mr. Wizard 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm not feelin' your poem. Just my personal opinion. I really don't understand it. What are you trying to say--that one day you realized you liked rye bread? Toasters don't fry....lol..Sounds like a silly kids song. In that case, I guess its ok. lol....
2006-08-11 06:13:28 · answer #4 · answered by Poetess_4U 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I consider hott_mandi. The area under does no longer look to slot or i'm lacking something. sucky rhymes and heartbroken cases… a dictionary crammed with the comparable vocabulary. i might additionally take the "aloud" off the 4th line from the final. i might substitute to this interior the 2nd area. To me it sounds greater hesitant. please... don’t... take great thing approximately me. i comprehend, regrettably i comprehend Im naïve and that i, don’t comprehend something i admire the poem.
2016-11-04 09:07:56 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is insightful and beautiful. You should be name the next Poet Laureate of the US, nay World
2006-08-11 06:11:17 · answer #6 · answered by TheDoctor 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seeing your innovative pic I figured you would be more innovative "this time"...since it's not your first...but obviously your style is more of a "common language" poem
as far as meaning...it doesn't exist...overall rythem...about a 6/10...
2006-08-11 06:14:48 · answer #7 · answered by Diablous 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry its very twee and deliberate - not flowing. It says nothing substantial.
3 out of 10 for effort
2006-08-11 06:09:22 · answer #8 · answered by Ade 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you are trying to make a song and not a poem.
2006-08-11 06:06:05 · answer #9 · answered by Apollo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
nice ryhme but try to put more sense into it, add some more stuffs and maybe you'll get things all patched up exactly right
no intentions of offending or anything
2006-08-11 06:07:02 · answer #10 · answered by leelee 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋