Should a stay-at-home dad wake up for night feedings with a baby?

Question

I am the mother of a 7 month old baby girl. She usually sleeps through the night but lately she has been waking up occasionally. Her father is a stay-at-home dad. I work full time outside of the home and I wake up to feed the baby whenever she wakes up in the night or early morning. As a result, I am exhausted at work. Shouldn't the parent who stays home wake up for night feedings?

Answer 1

Yes, the parent that stays at home should be the parent to get up in the middle of the night. If you stayed at home and he worked, wouldn't you be the one to do the night feedings? Of course you would!! You need to tell him that you have to work all day away from the house and he stays home therefore could take a nap when the baby does if he is tired, you cant take naps.

Answer 2

Please keep in mind that you both work full time. Being parents, I think it's a safe thing to say you are going to be tired for a looooonnnggg time, no matter what. If you were the stay at home parent, would you reason that since you stayed at home all day with the baby, the other parent should be waking up to feed her? Split the duties. Talk about it and come to an arrangement that will work for both of you. Alternate each day or something. But, I do want to say that I think that since you are out of the home working, you should cherish the time you have with your baby. It won't last long and it's a great way for you to spend time with her, even if it is 3 am.

Answer 3

Great question - I think that he should, especially during the work week. Sit down with him and talk to him about it - find out what he thinks and what is going on during the day - is he tired? He is frustrated? The challenges of stay at home parent are pretty close if not more, than a person who works outside of the home - and not all can cope. The stay at home parent tends to work more hours are not compensated to a pay check.. it really is a tiresome job.

BUT! He could never get fired for his stay at home job - or get in trouble for taking naps when possible. I have done both - stay at home and working full time as a single parent - and both are very very very stressful.

Talk to him and find out what is going on - if not every night, ask him to get up at least a few times a week, so you can get your rest - and you can make up a little bit on the weekends. Regardless, you both have to talk about it, make your points and then set a schedule if and when the child wakes up.

It is really hard - that I know, but communication is the key. Just because you are working out of the home, does not mean that your job is more important than his - he also needs rest and sleep and you are both the parent of this child... loads of compromising needs to be done - to what is in the best interest of all - you, your husband and your child.

Answer 4

I think you should talk about it together and come to some sort of a schedule that works for the two of you. I stay at home with my baby and 4 older children, and my husband gets up in the middle of the night to bring the baby to me to nurse. This usually coincides with his "midnight bathroom break" so it's not a big deal, and I end up feeding the baby. As the stay at home parent, i can sympathize with him being tired the rest of the day, but if he has the option of sleeping in with the baby or taking a nap during the day, he should be the one staying awake for her feedings until she's back to sleeping through the nights. Perhaps you could take the weekend shifts if he would take the ones during the week.

Answer 5

You know what? If a male asked this he would get blasted.

There are mothers out there that have a full time job AND take care of the kid. And being a parent is MORE than a full time job - it's 24/7!

If you don't do the late night feedings, do you ever see your child!?

Take a nap after you get home from work if you have to... but you need to spend time with your child.

You're partners in raising that child - he's not a single dad who lives with you.

Answer 6

It doesn't matter if your husband is a stay at home he be exhausted too. I use to be a stay at home mom it was up to me to get up with the baby and look after him though I had house work to do the next morning. I was exhausted. House work is hard work boring and repetative and your always judge on the house you keep. So really it doesn't matter both of you are going to be exhausted a baby is a baby and they will wake you any time of the day if they need anything. Also I think you have a night teething child I had two children like that so much for me working out side of the home since I had to stay up all night to console the child as it teethed. As for my partner he needed his beauty rest way because he had work the next day. Since I stayed home I looked after the children hence exhausted the next day no house work gets done.

Answer 7

Yes he should. Just the same goes for a stay at home mom. If the father was working a full time job it would be the mother who would get up with the baby to feed. You are working full time outside the home. If he is a stay at home parent he should be working full time inside the home.

Answer 8

Does stay at home mean he doesn´t work?
If he works during the day but at home, then he is in the same position as you....
I understand you are exhausted (I am the mother of a 6 month old baby girl) but I happen to be old fashion and I don´t think the father should be the one doing the night feeds.
As you say, she usually sleeps thru the night...so this is only occasionally....for example, I prefer to have my husband put the table, do dinner and wash dishes and I take care of the baby during the night....we are both tired from working so we must share chores.....but there are certain chores that men consider not manly...and even if you think it´s foolish, this can pscicologically affect your relationship....
so what I did was split the chores...but not randomly.....accordingly....It is old fashion or whatever....but it works in my house......

Answer 9

Yes he should, my husband did. When my eldest son was born my husband was off work because a car accident, so while I did things through the day with the baby while he was out doing physio and what have you, at night when I went to bed he always did the night feedings that way I had the energy and stamina for the next day ahead with taking care of the baby and him as well because his mobility was very limited.

If they are home and not working they should share in the duties of the child just like they shared in the pleasure of making the child

Answer 10

Talk to him about it & make a compromise. Alternate late night feedings & see if it helps you. But let him know you're tired & might not beable to bring home the bacon if it continues with only you doing the late night feedings. You're both invested in whats best for your baby, remind him of this, & the best thing would be if mom is happy, everyones happy. Besides, your baby will only be a baby for a very short time. If you both have happy healthy memories even with the exhuastive time you spend working to produce a happy child, co-operating with each other will make for happy parents that don't resent each other now or later. p.s. - remember though, he's probably tired too since he spends the whole day caring & nurturing your prodigy!

Answer 11

I'm guessing half the people who replied to this with "Yes he should" don't have kids, and the ones who said "I was a stay-at home and I did" just have lazy or uninvolved husbands.

I stay at home and my husband works, but he's done the night feedings from day one. Sure, you're working all day, but so is he, and his work starts from the minute you walk out the door. Sure, he could nap during the day, but that's entirely dependent on whether the baby lets him. I know most days my baby doesn't give me time to fall asleep before she's awake again and wanting to play and eat. Plus if I napped when she did, NOTHING would get done around here.

It took both of you to have the baby, so it should take both of you to care for her. Do what we did if you have to. Since I was staying at home, my husband did the night feedings, but I got up at the same time. While he was getting her out of her crib and changing her diaper, I was making the bottle up. After I brought him the bottle, I went back to bed and waited for him to come back, then we both went to sleep.

Yes, you might not get a full night's sleep. Yes, you might be tired at work. Suck it up, you're a parent. Your daughter deserves whatever time she can get with you.