How do you handle a spouse having an emotional affair?

Question

Last month my husband admitted to having very deep feelings for a coworker. It started with her asking for advice with her bf, and soon he was asking her about how to solve what few problems we have, but in the meantime they bonded. He said she is not interested in him that way, but he can't help the way he feels. I talked to the girl and she said she is in no way physically or romantically interested in him. That he is living in a fantasy world. They talk all the time on the phone. I feel ignored and that my feelings are not being considered here whatsoever by either party. He's getting his crush fed by the constant contact and she is an attention wh@re and getting what she needs. Had they slept together I could deal, but this emotional affair I have no idea how to handle it. I keep getting told, 'We're just friends, grow up.' How do you fight that? Sorry if this is filled with mispellings and fractured sentences, very emotional atm.

Answer 1

Cheating on your spouse can be emotional or physical. Emotional cheating, compounded by the fact that your emotional needs are not being met, can be just as devastating to a marriage.

Insist that your husband break all ties with this woman and go to marriage counseling with you. Otherwise, it's time to ask yourself if you are willing to settle for a cheater in your marriage. If the answer is no, then it's time to leave him.

Answer 2

You should have said Ex. He has no right to discuss, or use anyone for a sounding board concerning your personal life,
( Unless he seeks professional help). That is just a fact.
She is not bound by any laws or rules, not to discuss you with another person. Every time a story is repeated, it is distorted, or embellished upon. This is a small world.
You have a right to privacy, and he is not being, loyal, or trustworty.I would kick him to the curb, in a N.Y. minute. He's not a spouse, he's a jerk. There are lots of really nice guys out there, who respect us ladies. He is just bored with you
. Go find a new fun life
. Relationships should not be such difficult work. She will not give you a true answer, because SHE has bonded with him, and, likewise.

Grow up? This is not a part of growing up. He is abusing you emotionally. I had a similar relationship, and sure, he ended up bringing her home, and sitting on the couch, trying to make me jealous. Part of his B.S., was that she could help me be a better spouse, because she had intense therapy after someone microwaved her poodle, (spare me).
He was history in a hurry.
I went to a shrink, and he told me that my husband no longer loved me. I said, "Oh", is that all? It was so simple. How much clearer can the message be. I felt great. What a relief.
The shrink didn't even charge me. hehe (True Story)
Hope the part about the dog wasn't true.

Answer 3

Emotional abuse can and does leave just as many scars, some deeper, than physical abuse. At least your man told you what was happening and didn't keep it to himself as a secret. The fact that you have talked this situation over with the other woman was also a good decision in my opinion. Perhaps you and your mate should consider either some type of couples counselling or a romantic retreat. Communications is the most powerful thing in any relationship so keep them lines open. Explain to your man exactly what he is making you feel and if he continues to say "we're just friends, grow up" then let him know that you don't approve of this "friendship". Best of luck to you and your man.

Answer 4

Infidelity is infidelity no matter what form it takes. An emotional affair is the same as financial infidelity, and physical infidelity. They all root from the same thing - disloyalty, and dishonesty. The trouble doesn't lie in this other women, there would be no other women if your husband hadn't opened the door. And there will be no other women as soon as you husband closes it. The trouble lies in your relationship. You should be making yourselves number one for each other. That means he put you first before all others, and you do the same. It usually means different things for different couples. Couples who have one stay at home member and one worker have to deal with different things. For example - the worker has to deal with temptation away from home - co-workers, the bar on the way home, too tired to exercise, etc. The home partner has to deal with temptation within the home - entertainment (TV, computer, phone), junk food, aversion to exercise, the neighbors with the drama they love to share. It is important that both couples put each other first, and realize that a happy marriage is filled with two healthy, committed, and loyal teammates. Your partner has given in to tempation, and has put you second. You need to tell him how it makes you feel, and not put up with it. Draw a line in the sand, and stick to it. BUT, also do your part to make him first, and remind him that he is every once in a while. A marriage is like a car - it takes many tune-ups, and pit stops to keep it running smoothly for many years.

Answer 5

First off, you need to be in charge. When you say that "she is an attention whore and getting what she needs", how does that make it better for you? She may like the attention, and she may complain about the constant contact, but apparently, not badly enough for her to want to put an end to it all. Tell her to not call him, not talk to him, and that will help. If she does not do it, it will tell you something about her. This being said, she will not be the only one to potentially dump. It would be the same for him. It takes two to tango, and you are enabling a situation by non-doing (not doing anything practical to prevent it.) Be firm and straight-forward. Scary, but it may help to set records straight!

I also think that emotional cheating is worse, to some extent, than physical cheating. Physically, once it is over (however many times that would be) it is over. Emotional cheating knows no end for much longer time spans! Think about this. If he is detached emotionally, he's gone, and unless he decides to change, he will slip right through your fingers.

Answer 6

I've said this before and I'll say it again. If you or your spouse has a friend of the opposite sex that is causing emotional issues to come up in the marriage, that friend needs to be eliminated from the equation. There is no need for this kind of relationship in a marriage, none. In a marriage the couple must be united and turn to each other only, this woman knows exactly what she's doing, and honey so does your husband. If he respects you as his wife he would end his relationship with her now.

Answer 7

Well obviously they're not just friends since he's told you that and she does have some sort of interest in him or she wouldn't take his calls. My question to you would be why are you staying in a marriage where your husband has disrespected you to this level. You should tell him to leave since he clearly does not feel for you the same as you feel for him or his feelings would not have strayed. If he respected you he would not continue to be involved wit this woman. By the way, you call her an attention whore but she is not married and has no obligation to you or anyone exse so he is the one who you should be upset with. Get youreslf respect back and tell him he's out of here.

Answer 8

That would be very hard to handle. Maybe he needs you to be more of a friend to him. Go to counseling, talk to him about why he is having these feelings, etc. Tell him how it makes you feel and why it happened in the first place. I would not put up with someone cheating on me mentally or physically, but it's up to you how you want to handle the situation. He is your husband and I'm sure you love him, but you have to do what is best for you also, and your children if you have any. Good Luck.

Answer 9

From what I am reading you are in one bad spot! I have nightmares of being in that situation with my partner. I have to give it to your spouse for being honest. You should have a professional talk with you both. If he is looking he is not happy with something and it isn't necessarily your fault. Also I don't know the time you were with the spouce and have no way of knowing if this is an ongoing thing. I would be deeply hurt and resentful to both if it were me and I wouldn't have it! Set him down and draw some lines. Its time to make a change.

Answer 10

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