My wife and I have been married for three months, we have been living together for five years. After our wedding and honeymoon things got really bad and very strange. She got really busy with work and it affected our home life. We also have a 4 year old daughter that takes a toll on us as well. I recently got myself into counseling to help cope with these tough times but my wife is doing nothing for herself or our marriage. We haven't had sex since the honeymoon. There is little to no physical contact. As cheesy as it may sound she's stopped using her pet names for me ("babe" "baby" "honey"). She's just nonexistent in this marriage. I don't believe there is any infidelity going on because she is home every night and on the weekends. There are no guys at her work that should would do anything with. I think she might be depressed for several reasons. Anytime I try talking about any of this she gets defensive and angry. I can't take this much longer. Should I make her decid
2006-08-11 04:07:40 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I think you need to get to the bottom of the problem. Me and my husband just with thru marriage counseling and it was great. It allows you to express your feeling in a safe manor and without it being in a heated debate. If she says she wont go and doesn't want to do anything , then I think it would be best to leave.You did all you could and that is all you can do. You do have to put yur self first in this situation, you are the one getting the very short end of the stick. Good luck..
2006-08-11 04:20:13 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
What kind of ultimatum would help in this situation? Stop being depressed or I'm leaving you? Not very likely to be anything but counterproductive.
A woman with a small child is likely over touch and needs some space.
She probably is depressed. She should see a doctor. But an ultimatum will not help you. Be loving and kind and suggest that she talk to her doctor. Tell her that you are worried about her and you want to see her happy.
You can't control her. She is not a pet to be ordered around and if that's the tack you take with her then maybe there is cause right there.
2006-08-11 04:15:40 · answer #2 · answered by Saphira 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I answered to your other question as weel (3 months and going). I think she's depressed and need counseling.
I think you need to find out if she still loves you and tell her you'll do anything to make her happy.
I think a good idea might be to enroll the two of you in an activity together. Make sure you and her have an appointment every week in which nothing else matters but the two of you.
I'm so sorry for you. My best wishes.
2006-08-12 02:58:02 · answer #3 · answered by Nina E 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What's the ultimatum? Pay attention to you and your needs or get out??? You need to find out what's going on. It could be as simple as her job is sucking all the life out of her. Don't try to change things, just talk to her. She may need you to be supportive of her and not harp on what she's doing wrong.
This may also be the post wedding let down. She spent months and months concentrating on wedding plans and now that it's over, reality is setting in. It could be a little like post patum depression. Let her know you're there for her and will support her and that you love her. Whatever you do, do not feel like you can fix her. She's not broken! She's just trying to deal with life.
2006-08-11 06:24:41 · answer #4 · answered by married2004 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow sorry to hear that. Maybe you should give her an ultimatum. It takes two people to work on a marriage. If she does not want to deal with what is going on there is not much you can do. Ask her what is going on and if she does not want to talk let her know how you feel. You cannot live like that for ever.
2006-08-11 04:16:57 · answer #5 · answered by strawberries 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
why don't you be a man? Stop talking about it and take action. You have to be the one to initiate something if you want it. You likely go about your day with the same defeated attitude you seem to have here. What would she find sexy or attractive about that while being burnt out on work and housework and child rearing? Maybe you need a new perspective on your lives together.
2006-08-11 04:20:26 · answer #6 · answered by Jeff B 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get her a nice card and give her flowers, take her out to eat sometime, she will slowly open up. Depressed people sometimes get mad at all their surroundings so use gentle approaches, she is trying to deal with some stresses so do some of the above things then try and talk to her. Be patient .
2006-08-11 08:43:52 · answer #7 · answered by Nanci 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeow. this is not rare amoung couples who lived together first. However, there are some issues here.
communication if first in line. The two of you seem to not talk to one another, at least at some substantial level. Not usually recommended but sometimes a good fight (not physical please) can allow her to let go and let the emotions flow.
therapy is needed here!
2006-08-11 04:36:33 · answer #8 · answered by timbother@pacbell.net 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Welcome to married life.
She sounds depressed. I would try to talk to her and make her listen. If you love her, you will be there for her. Give her time. Although you have been together for 5 years marriage is still a HUGE step.
2006-08-11 04:13:41 · answer #9 · answered by angel2005_2001 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
she was happy with a live in relationship, she regrets getting married and can not cope with it. You giving her an ultimatum might make it easir for her to end the marriage.
2006-08-11 04:14:51 · answer #10 · answered by spidermaniii_06 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋