Maybe I need to be more dilligent about making sure our members don't interract with people from the outside world (can't let them go onto forums like Yahoo answers!), but it's hard. These people really want direction in their lives, I can tell, but then they talk to their friends who say things like "you worship a race of invisible omniscient turtles?! that's ridiculous!". Ugh, it just makes me so mad how close-minded some people can be.
How can I isolate the people who express an interest in my cult, and make my claims start to seem credible?
2006-08-11 03:35:16 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Other - Society & Culture
First of all, create your own testament. Bury it somewhere and then mysteriously be the lucky one that finds it! Your testament is God's guidelines for how the bible is "supposed" to be interpreted and makes it clear you and only you and your followers have the one and only TRUTH.
Then as your followers flock to you for the TRUTH, you must remind them that they will only be saved from the most horrible of eternal damnation IF they fully accept your truth, without a doubt or question AND they do their best to be good "cultians" (or whatever you call your followers.
Create a publishing empire with magazines your followers can pass out door to door and leave in airports, shopping malls and doctors offices so they can credit their hours "spreading the word". Make sure each issue includes some doom and gloom, global warming is great for this purpose, then use it to correctly interpret bible rules and the new guidelines from your testament.
Make your rules strict! You will only have full control if you detail exactly how life should be AND you warn them that outsiders just don't understand and will do their best to "stumble" true followers because Satan uses "worldly" people as tools to wreck havoc and destroy God's most loyal followers.
Make lots of rules about sex. The better you control one of nature's strongest forces, the better you control your flock, for without you, they are doomed to celibacy. Make extra sure you ban masturbation for frustrated followers are good followers. Guilt works really well as a tool.
Be sure to publicly humiliate any follower that transgresses from the rules, and if its really bad, or you just don't like them, cast them out from the flock, lest they contaminate the sheep. Make sure active members know to steer clear of such a dangerous person.
Be sure your door knockers are as friendly as can be and will love bomb any new prospects, as well as offering the one and only true path to spiritual salvation and paradise.
Make sure you eventually create your own translation of the bible because all current translations are wrong and you wouldn't want your followers stumbled by such translations that do not reflect the values of the TRUTH.
2006-08-11 07:59:14 · answer #1 · answered by Lori A 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are only credible when you have lived the challenges of life. Anyone can try to be the worshiped person...that will only occur when there is something to worship.
2006-08-11 10:56:06 · answer #2 · answered by jmmevolve 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Hang out at the city dump!
2006-08-11 10:55:07 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Go buy black Nikes and sweatsuits, and get the Kool-Aid ready, Doe.
2006-08-11 10:57:02 · answer #4 · answered by NONAME 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
1-800-stupidity
2006-08-11 10:56:40 · answer #5 · answered by beedaduck 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
ask the people that attend AA and NA meetings
2006-08-11 10:55:34 · answer #6 · answered by squawwitoutamule 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
offer free beer...that will get you lots of converts
2006-08-11 12:22:10 · answer #7 · answered by BellaDonna 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Don't blink.
2006-08-12 20:03:53 · answer #8 · answered by number 1 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋