it has been a little over a month that i have been broken up with my bf of a year and a half. he dumped me bc he was going to college and we had been fighting a LOT. anyway, since breaking up we have gotten together and he has told me he misses me and loves me, he has even held me the way he used to and kissed me!
but he also said he doesnt know what he wants right now. college is a time to sort out his priorities, and he is not sure if he could handle a relationship. i told him i would give him time, but what if he comes home thanksgiving and tells me he cant go back to all the fighting and that relationship we had? (it would be a lot different now, becuase this breakup has woken me up to everything..) i dont want to put my life on hold and wait for his decision, but i also dont want to forget about the man i love.
i know i kinda went on and on.. sorry.. haha but thank you all for your advice comments and answers!! <3 mervie
2006-08-11 03:22:00 · 26 answers · asked by mervelash 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
if you guys want to edit answers or just read this
he TOLD me (and after a year and a half he wouldnt lie to me) that he "doesnt plan" on hooking up with another girl for a "looong time" he thinks he wont be able to do it bc he misses me.. he just wants to figure things out first
2006-08-11 03:33:39 · update #1
listen to the Little voice inside you .. deep inside you know very well whats best for you but you won't listen .. your heart is fighting for the man you love and your Brain is fighting back for you !! i was their .. so i know how bad it feels .. but my advice is to go after your Brain .. its more save and include less regrets .. like what if he came back for Thanksgiving with a girl holding his arm and he introduces her to you as his girlfriend ?!!! what do you think it will feels like ?? what you gonna feel about wasting all that time .. effort .. and emotions over something like that ?? ... the best thing is to let go and move on .. i know its hard .. i know it seem impossible at some point but its the right thing to do ..
2006-08-11 03:32:10 · answer #1 · answered by need to know 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
ok, seem like the guy is way too unsure...
So, the only things that doesn't fit is just the one he's actually leaving you. And one thing I know. Relationships never ever ever make out on far distances.
But just the fact that he's back makes me think he's changed too, just like you did, afer your break-up. Now, maybe all he needs is a support from you. Don't push him too much. He's probably tensed in the same way like you are. But you shouldn't fall under some picture of near future where everything's just great. Because that is not how it's going to be.
Reconsider your and his situation again. he might come for thanksgiving and tell u it's over. But then again, if you just have enough understandings, it might work.
He's with you now, and all he wants is a compromise. A good one, like you do. Don't forget that you won't be seeing him for a longer period.
And people without physical contact just get freer.
2006-08-11 10:43:33 · answer #2 · answered by Kaja 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweetie... it's hard for one to say because we don't really know the whole situation you have, there. However, from what you have provided, I will try my best with advice.
It seems like you are doing what you should do. First thing, TELL him that you will give him time. Perfect! I don't think both of you should be so scared. Actually, this happened to me before. My first BF told me the same thing... (we broke up, but that's only because I realized I never liked him much in the first place).
Anyway, back to you. LoL. The poor boy is scared of letting you down... you have you bring his confidence back up. SHOW him that you guys are meant for each other! SHOW him how much fun it is to be together. SHOW him you have patience... and if he should understand that if YOU are willing to take his hand through this situation (and any other situations in the future), then he should at least acknowledge your effort and do the same. He shouldn't be scared... meanwhile, if YOU honestly believe that you will stay with him through college, show him how serious you mean it. Don't let his feelings affect your own feelings.... (Hmm... okay that might be a little bit confusing, so scratch it out!) What I meant was... girl, if you are CONFIDENT, strut your stuff and kiss him! Let him know how confident you are about him and being with him!
Meanwhile, good luck!
And... if you need me, email!
2006-08-11 10:34:09 · answer #3 · answered by swtxgoodbai 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You can kinda hang out with the other guys first...?? I mean, not taking it seriously. Maybe you can find another better than him?? He just can't make up his mind, and judging from what you said, he seems like, he doesn't care much about this relationship anymore. It seems like, this relationship has faded.
Don't waste your time waiting for him. Yeah, what if he says he can't go back to the relationship anymore? You'll be more hurt than ever. And, the feeling of this is miserable. I have experienced this before or rather, not long ago. And till now, it still lingers me.
I feel like, I hated everyone. In other words, I was full of hatred. Honestly, there's still hatred in me. I feel like, I'm useless. The existence of me doesn't matter, doesn't make a difference. I feel like, I'm lonely. And no matter what I do, I just can't make this feeling go away. I'll cry for no reason, nothing. Whatever I do, I'll be frustrated with it. I'll begin throwing my temper, shouting and screaming at the others.
Hahas, sorry. I just went on and on ranting about this. Anyways, good luck!
2006-08-11 11:15:46 · answer #4 · answered by I don't care anymore. 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
After a year and a half he wouldn't lie to you.....oh dear...you have a lot to learn about life. Of course he would lie (doesn't mean he is!) Especially at the college years, the guy has one thing on his mind..and you seem to be giving it to him. If you want to be with him when he comes home for break, fine..but don't limit yourself. There are SO many other fish in the sea, maybe the real one for you is just around the corner. You will never know if you don't take the walk though.
2006-08-11 10:40:34 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Clearly this guy is just not that into u anymore, just be sure not to come across as desperate u must also remember that he has met girls in college who he might be having fun with, and using u for time that he is home fully knowing that he has someone else @ college. I think rather move on, even if u see other people casually he will soon see that you can manage on your own and u can live without him. Take it from a girl who has been there!!
2006-08-11 10:32:25 · answer #6 · answered by Base blonde 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well....he is right. College is a time for people to explore and really experience who they are. I don't think he is asking you to forget about the love that you guys share.....BUT....I don't want you to forget the reason that you guys were arguing a lot either. Don't place that burden all on yourself. It takes TWO people to be in a relationship. As far as the "waiting" for him goes....DON'T do it! I know this is totally cliche, but if it's meant to be it will be. Putting your social life on hold for something that is not garunteed will only result in a great resentment if things do not work out. Use this time, as he is, to explore who YOU are and develop a better understanding of yourself. There is a whole world out there..don't limit yourself.
Good luck and God Bless :)
2006-08-11 10:28:21 · answer #7 · answered by Mellow_E 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
don't give him time.. the last thing u wanna do is be waiting for a guy that's in college.. that's the time when there less concerned w/relationships and more concerned w/flings, parties, sports, and lastly their studies.. and if u wait then he'll know that he has u wrapped around his finger..
i'd say right now the last thing he wants is to have an obligation in a relationship.. it'll be to much for him to handle, and eventually u'll become jealous and insecure when u can't track him down, or when he doesn't return ur phone calls or when he meets new friends..
i say remain his friend and if it was meant to be then he'll come back to u.. but don't maker urself available everytime he comes home because then he'll just be using u..
u need to move on and put u first...
2006-08-11 10:28:13 · answer #8 · answered by Queen D 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you are not going away to school with him you should let him go. College is time time for self-exploration, and self-discovery. You should take advantage of the time as well. Unfortunately he will grow in so many ways that he probably won't be the same guy in some ways when he gets back. You are so young give it time maybe you two will grow together. Good Luck!
2006-08-11 10:31:18 · answer #9 · answered by amy d 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well you can still date, kiss hug whatever and not have a relationship. Until he says we are in a relationship together you have the right to date or go out with other people. I wouldn't wait around hoping wishing ....... What makes you think he is waiting? Life is too short to waste it waiting for the right person. You have to enjoy through the good and the bad.
2006-08-11 10:27:51 · answer #10 · answered by c0mplicated_s0ul 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
honestly, he probly was just really sick of fighting, and doesnt wanna be far away from you and fight over the phone or something, cuz he wont be around for you two to make up. ya know? maybe he really just does need some time.
dont sit on the couch and wait for him, go out with your friends, hang out w/ your family, do stuff to entertain yourself. if he comes back, and wants the relationship, great!!! if not, dont fret about it real long. most relationships come to an end. only one is gonna last forever, and if its not this one, there WILL be another one.
2006-08-11 10:51:39 · answer #11 · answered by Erin P 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋