Are early intervention programs designed for this?

Question

My son has developmental delays. We are not rich but not destitute either. My son is 1 1/2 and my daughter is 3. The therapist team is pressuring me to put my daughter in a program for "at risk" kids for a full 5 day per week preschool program where they put them on buses. I can't believe they are recommending this when we do not have any of the qualifications for this program except that we are on a lower income bracket. I don't want my child "flagged" when she goes to school as a child with potential problems when she doesn't have anything wrong with her and she's advanced developmentally. Just because her brother has delays - WOW - do I have the right to pick and choose the services I want without being treated like a second rate parent if I don't follow all of the early interventions recommendations? What right do they have to determine that we are an "at risk" family because we're not as rich as they are? This makes me mad - poor people are good people who love their kids too!

I'm afraid that if I don't listen to them - they will report me to DCFS or something because I'm not a good enough parent to do the job. It's making me feel like I'm brainless, and can't figure anything out for myself. But some people homeschool - even their disabled children - as long as they have lots of $ - no one questions the rich. But, when you're poor - everyone is just scrutinizing your every move. This is so wrong. I'd get reported to DCFS if I said I was going to homeschool - wouldn't I? Do I drop the services and find someone else to help my son or are they trustworthly people just giving me recommendations that I can take or not take and it's doesn't make me look bad as a parent one way or the other?

I'm sure they are saying we're at risk because my husband has a slight disability - but he drives, has a job and is not retarded? I think we're the victims of discrimination at every turn and that we are under scrutiny like no one else I know. But if we had money - that would be a whole new picture entirely. The world would be a wonderful place for our kids if only we were rich - I know that's not true - but what do I do to be above reproach in this and so no one will question us? Neither my husband or I are high income potential people - I don't think we ever will be - but that doesn't mean it was evil to have kids - you sacrifice for them and make do and we have love - can't they see that or value that fact?

Answer 1

Yes, you do have a right to pick and choose the services that are best for you. But before you decide not to include your daughter, make sure you get all the information on the program.

Find someone on the team who DOES treat you with respect, and ask him or her to explain why they think she would benefit. Maybe the program helps kids get along with developmentally delayed siblings? Maybe they've noticed delays in your daughter? Maybe they just think it's a great program and want you and your daughter to benefit from it?

Once you know their reasoning, then you can decide what's best for you and your family. I am a teacher and I can tell you with absolute certainty that rich and poor parents are subjected to the same scrutiny and feel the same pressures to do the right thing.

Answer 2

The public school system is there to serve you. You can choose to use their services or not. Ultimately you are these childrens mother and you decide what you feel is in their best interest.

I will say that some parents are in denial about what is going on with their kids developmentally. It can be very hard emotionally to hear that your child is not "perfect". It is always better to get help early for developmental issues. Waiting only delays things more for the child.

Go visit the school where your children are zoned to attend. Do not take the children with you. Spend as long as you can there, maybe even the full day so you can see how the program is run. If you do not like how things are done there then you can choose to either find another school or do what many have done and home school.

HOPE you can find what will work for both you and the children so that all will work for the best.

Answer 3

Being given the label of "at risk" is not necessarily given to people simply because they have a lower income... true, it is sometimes an indicator of possible needs of the family, but not a bad thing. If the therapy team has decided that your daughter would benefit from a preschool setting, perhaps they are right. As therapists, they are trained to see things that you cannot. And, if she attends a preschool who is dedicated to helping children succeed and works with therapists to bring out a child's best- then what is the harm? Children can always use the social skills that they will learn in preschool, and a good school will not differentiate between your daughter and other children in the classroom. I work in a preschool that serves about 60% children with identified disabilities, along with 40% who are "typically" developing. Both of my own children have attended the school, and I work every day with children who are "at risk". Most of the time, the differences are so minute, you couldn't pinpoint them if you wanted to... but there are some children who really can use the services. And, yes... you do have the right to refuse services- no one can make you have services for your children. I doubt that the entire reason the interdisciplinary team has decided that your daughter would benefit from the services is because you are at a lower income. There are plenty of other reasons that they could decide that she is "at risk", AND, it may just be to her benefit! We have had workers who kind of fudged a little, saying that a child was "at risk" just to be able to get them the kind of services that they think will help give them a little better head start. Besides, the label "at risk" will not aversy affect your little one... she doesn't know what it means, and teachers who are truly dedicated to helping children are not going to treat her any differently than any other child. I'm betting the school that the team wants her to go to understands these issues and knows how to work with children in these situations. Preschool is a fabulous place for your daughter to learn many kinds of things... it can only help!

Answer 4

Rich or poor, it doesn't matter. I am 30yrs old and have a sisiterwho 29yrs old. She was always put into the "gifted and talented" programs. I was not a stupid kid and back then alot more girls I believe would slide right through. It was not until my freshman uear in college that I was tested for learning disabilities. I have come to find out that I have mulitiple learning disabilities and ADD &ADHD. I have been taking medicine for a few years and it really helps.
I don't suggest everyone take meds especially a 1 1/2 yr old. If the disability is hearing or seeing imparment then you would want to get on that right away. If the school district is suggesting certain things you are uncomfortable with, seek out legal aid. There are plenty of resources for you.
I don't believe the public school sector is as amazing as it chooses to believe.
My sister and I are still compared and we are 29 and 30. Your kids are so young right now they should be able to be kids and not have to be subject to separation from each other.
If you are afraid of being labeled a bad parent, does cohering with the "rules", mean leave the labeling to the "officials"?

Answer 5

No no no you are in the right. I have heard of other people complain about this too. Seems they get extra money when they flag your kid and send them thru "special training". And you are also right about her being flagged and then having a hard time getting her unmarked as such. Stick to your gut, tell them hell no. Don't worry about dcfs (tho I doubt they will have time to get involved) they do not take children away because you won't send them on the short bus.

Don't be afraid to home school. DCFS doesn't usually get involved with this either. Unless someone calls them and says you are not teaching the kids anything. Also your kids are not even the required age to have to be in school yet. There is no law saying your children have to go to preschool. I home school my son but I think you should probably keep yours in school especially with your son having problems. It's going to be alot of hard work and you could use the extra help and advice from the good teachers you come across.

Answer 6

Wow that is a loaded question...

I have a child with special needs and have fought very hard at times to get him the help he deserves. Sometimes we can't get it because he is doing better than other kids with special needs.

In your case, I would candidly ask what makes your child "at risk". Is it based on income or is it something she is doing? If it is something she is doing then I would consider the services they are recommending. Early intervention services are often recommended for children who are not meeting the milestones that they should. It could be speech, fine or gross motor skills or any number of things. If this is what they are concerned about, it would be a huge benefit to your child. My son has Autism and with Early Intervention he appears relatively "typical". Without the services who know how far behind he would be.

Answer 7

If you're talking about head start it's not just for developmentally delayed kids. When my oldest daughter was 2, we qualified for their free preschool and she went. She had no developmental delays we were just lower income. She loved it and it was really good for her. We no longer qualify, so she doesn't go anymore and she is not labeled as anything or "flagged". They're actually only allowed to have 2 or 3 developmentally delayed kids per class. Ask them why they feel you are at risk. Maybe they just want your daughter to have some kind of escape. After all, it's very difficult on a child when they have a sibling who is developmentally delayed. Good luck and if you have any questions about head start, just email me.

Answer 8

I have never heard something so ridiculous..I work as an Eduational Assistant I work with kids with all sorts of developmental delays, never have I heard of taking the brighter child away from home. I would look for other resources in your area.
Money does not have anything to do with it. You have a right to choose, you have a right as a parent to say NO. I dont know what delay your son has but you can get whatever is needed to work with him. Via internet, pediatrician, family doctor or any agency in the field.
Dont let them talk you into doing things you don't want to do.
Fight for what you believe in.

Answer 9

Madam, we need to know the axact nature of your sons development delay(s). But what ever it is, someone needs SCIENTIFIC evidence to rule in or rule out that siblings also have similar problems. Without genetic testing or proper psychological profiling by a team of qualified people - no one can say a kid is at risk. Nobody. Mostly we are guided by statistical probability of siblings being affected, but this is just a probability. My advice is before you do anything further Please Seek Legal Advice!!!! Go to legal aid or some charity that deals with this type of things. That is, say if your son is diagnosed wih Syndrome X, then seek help from a non profit group dealing with that syndrome. It is important you do this as people there have similar experience and have got to know probable outcomes of legal action etc. When you get this sorted, go and seek medical advice from TWO doctors (or researchers at a local University). Armed with that seek legal advice.

I say this as it is important to know where you and your children stand in both medical evidence front and egal front (as well as social/beaurocratic front). Maybe you daughter is really at risk. But we need to clear doubts first and then do the best to make the kids future a wholesome secure one. Once you know where you stand, then you can decide what action to take - do not let idiots at therapist teams bully you to miscalculate the future of a childs life. Wish I could do more but alas I am too far removed from that front now. Good Luck.

Answer 10

I certainly do understand your thoughts and fear resulting in that 'recommendation'. Without knowing what kind of delays your son is experiencing, I would just say that eventually the early childhood program is just trying to give you a breather. Probably, as it is, you have to spend quite some time with your son, and eventually the EC people are just wanting to help out. In that way, your daughter would be introduced to a different environment, seeing that things are different outside as at home with little brother, who might need special attention. She would be put onto the 'glamor spot' without shadow of baby brother. Also, even though she might not be developmental delayed, there are other issues which can arise in young children, so therefore I don't see what the big problem would be. But again, that's just me.
Both my children had been born prematurely, they are now 5 yrs and almost three years. My first son was until his third birthday in ECI Program, and his younger brother was until July, when he 'graduated' as being on normal stage for his age. But...while my younger one had more health issues going on as his older brother, I understandably put more attention on him, which in turn, put some behavioral problems out on my other. So when it got suggested to get my older son to Pre-K, I tried at least for some time, until my husband and I decided to take him out from there.

If you would like to know more, please feel free to pm me...I don't wanna bore other people by writing a book here ;)