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2006-08-11 01:59:01 · 22 answers · asked by just me 1 in Family & Relationships Marriage & Divorce

History: I have a child from a previous relationship and we have 1 together; married 6 years
at first I agreed to the vasectomy but then I changed my mind but he had already had it in his mind that he only wanted 1 child but I didn't find this out until recently he says he will get it reversed but after researching it he knows i'm no going to pay $20,000 for something that isn't guaranteed about counseling he believes if we can't solve our own problems no one else can. He did remove the piercing for a few day but started having trouble with the actual hole so he put it back in. I really appreciate all the answers you all have provided I just hope I can find the one that feels right.

2006-08-13 04:14:55 · update #1

22 answers

With regards to the vasectomy, I think you are better off. I mean, if he's not interested in more kids than you should not force him to be a father.

As far as the piercing goes, it's his body. I can understand if you don't like it, but perhaps either he'll get tired of it or you'll learn to like it.

Remember, there are worse thing is marriage.

2006-08-18 17:44:34 · answer #1 · answered by ManOfTheHour 5 · 1 1

I know how you feel. The inability to not have any more kids with your husband must hurt deeply. I am going through this now myself. You need to ask yourself if this is worth ending your marriage or should you look at the children you both have (whether the children are from a previous marriage or not doesn't matter because I am sure he is a Dad to both) and count your blessings. The cost to have it reversed is crazy let alone the fact that if he did have the surgery you are not guaranteed it would be successful. Look at your family, its not worth giving it up and arguing all the time, perhaps you should look into Foster parenting if you want another child. Adoption would cost as much as a reversal depending on where you live. We looked into that avenue of having children also. The piercing I have no advice for, maybe its something he really enjoys.

2006-08-18 05:16:40 · answer #2 · answered by Josie31 2 · 0 1

It would have been nice if he communicated his feelings a lot sooner to you but originally you did agree to it and so that is what made him go along with it...I know its hard to know that you are done with having kids and its a feeling a lot of women go thru I am going thru it right now and I've had five kids and have 3 stepkids....so no matter how many you have you will feel this way and it doesn't help with you feeling a little bit betrayed....let him know this and let him know that this is normal for a woman to feel like she's lost everything cuz she cant have anymore children...and also let him know how you feel about the piercing if it hurts when you have sex then let him know that if its only for cosmetic reasons why you dont like it then let him have this one thing...we women dye our hair buy makeup and shoe collect let him have his penis piercing LOL...weird I know but men do need to have some things LOL...Good luck hope all goes well with you

2006-08-17 16:08:38 · answer #3 · answered by tinker143 5 · 0 0

aww just take my number and we can work it over i mean talk it out :-) just kidding he is just acting like a child really, Every body loves kids (love to kill them, love to make them, love to hold them) just put on some slow music, cook him a good dinner wisper some really naughty things in hie ear and give him the best f... you could ever give him and then say lets get rid of the extras (the piercing) and lets ask the doc to undo the vasectomy or youll be missing all this. But make sure you do this early in the morning of the same day that you made the appointment to undo the vascetomy.

2006-08-18 23:26:46 · answer #4 · answered by chad g 2 · 0 0

wow, if you didn't know that he was going for a vasectomy then he lied to you, too! Especially if you wanted kids and thought that he did, too! The piercing can be removed, but vasectomies are rarely successful reversed! Why would he do this behind your back? I would confront the SOB ask him why he would do such a thing (in a nice calm matter...) and tell him that he really hurt you. Maybe it was all a misunderstanding (yeah, right), but if that were me, it would seriously hurt my trust with my husband. The right thing would be to get councelling, but me, I would end up getting even with him and probably divorce him and get with someone who wouldn't destroy my chances of having a baby. Good luck!

2006-08-11 02:07:17 · answer #5 · answered by glendonite 2 · 1 1

Don't you just hate it when someone else does something that's upsetting to you but is then no help in handling your feelings. But whats done is done and I see where you have no choice but to accept, the vasectomy only, the piercing you don't have to tolerate and you'd be within your right not to indulge in relations with him if he wears it for he had no right to impose that on you.Seems as if thats not the only problem since you've discussed counseling to which you indicate hes closed his mind to. Feel for you for get the impression esp since he imposed a Life Condition on you-determined on his own how many children you'll have but then think too suppose he hadn't done this and grudgingly had another child but because it wasn't really wanted by him -well you get my drift. Its always difficult when Life choices occur in a marriage where theres no feasible satisfactory result for both involved. But I think you're more upset by his deceit and the piercing than the vasectomy itself and part of your anger is that he's taken trust away,weakened your belief in him and possible even has you doubting your marriage-all difficult obstacles to overcome in any relationship.Since he's not willing to go to counseling(old fashioned and stubborn and a bit selfish) doesn't mean that you can't go and seek help on dealing with your anger at his betrayal. Sometimes too women who are married to the controlling types also need help in affirming their own identity and it help to talk with a totally neutral person as the counselor is or if you have a church that you go to-talk with your pastor /priest or even a woman friend for talking out your hurt /anger can be healing.If you can come to terms with having no more children in this marriage (thers always adopt or foster if another child is really wanted in the far future) it would still be good for you to consider counseling for if the anger stays,if the hurt stays then eventually your spirit will fade and would hate for that to happen. If finances are problematic you can call (Blue Pages)your County Community Service Board and they can direct you to low cost counseling or no cost depending on the ability to pay-some Group Counseling with Women having similar emotional difficulties as you can also be helpful for one gets strength when on is connected. Good Luck

2006-08-18 18:54:29 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

What do you think is going on?

There is only one reason a man gets a vasectomy! Have the two of you decided to not have more children, or did he decided this himself?

If he didn't discuss any of this with you, he probably did discuss it with someone else!

You know what's going on. Sit him down and tell him the facts of life. He needs to grow up and work on his marriage.

2006-08-11 02:47:18 · answer #7 · answered by physandchemteach 7 · 1 0

I think if he lied to you in the first place that it should be over i know there are a lot of decisions to make about that but it should really be discussed with you before he does anything that drastic...i think it is wrong and he might have gotten it done because he is cheating and doesnt want to get anyone else pregnant....anything is possible

2006-08-18 05:01:20 · answer #8 · answered by LUCKYGIRL 3 · 1 0

A divorce is only going to coast you a couple of grand then go find a man who will appreciate you for who you are and have a child with him. In the long run I just saved you 18,000.00, thats a hell of a lot better then getting a better rate on your car insurance!

2006-08-18 18:45:43 · answer #9 · answered by ferretcoach 4 · 0 0

How old is he? Oh dear....do you have children?? how long have you been married?? It sounds really selfish to me, it sounds like he doesn't care what you think. I think those decisions should be made after a lot of communication between the two of you. Sorry I wouldn't want to be married to a guy like that!!

2006-08-11 02:06:39 · answer #10 · answered by carolina n 2 · 1 0

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