I am "fighting" or, more not speaking to my husband at the moment...he´s going through a lot right now, and I feel either in the way, or just like I´m not an equal to him at all, I don´t really know what he wants out of our relationship anymore, he´s really double-minded I think, one day he wants this and one day he wants that....it´s really hard to be around him at times, and I never really get any of my own space, (yes we have children too that needs looking after) but I´m just going mental, more and more each day...have none of my own relations here, days go by without even talking to another adult...that´s why I´m kinda depending on my husband a lot, I just need to feel sane...he feels I´m too much I think and I´m trying my best, but there is also so many other things going on in OUR realtionship, I don´t exactly know where we stand....I know we need to work at it, that´s the "simple" thing about it all, Any advice anyone?
2006-08-11 01:41:43 · 23 answers · asked by SWE-girl 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
you know you ned to get out more and he is not chaining you to a wall is he?
You can make your own decisions to make a life for yoursefl where you get the kids looked after by someone (even if it has to´be paid for during the day) - but if he is tehre in the evenings... sieze the time to go do something for yourself... you dont say anywhere that he is stoppign you from doing this...
But if he lvoes you nad he is going through so much... be there for him, show him you care for him and will love him no matter what. Show him he can depend on you for a rock to hold on to whatever it is he is going through.
He will also work on it and reciprocate... it needs to be done to save your relationship.
(once I felt like the lonliest person in the world... then i met this girl who changed my life forever, I only wish i could prove to her how much she means to me)
Jag älskar dig
2006-08-11 04:05:01 · answer #1 · answered by ghostsqaud 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i know how you feel and i have too felt the same way before. being alone is never acceptable and people treating you the way they do is not right so i suggest moving on, its better to be alone and feel comfortable with yourself, then have people who remind you of being a third wheel which you are not. Everyone is unique and you are comfortable in the way you feel. So i suggest that you maybe write a bio about yourself. write what your strengths and weaknesses are, your hobbies interests etc and maybe make some friends over the internet. Try and expand your length and maybe join a group that does something you enjoy outside of high school. Such as for me i enjoyed acting so i joined an acting group nearby and made so many close friends that i have kept for over 6 years well and strong and still going. I wish you all the best and if you ever feel alone dont be afraid to just talk to someone you trust, if you want you can add me as a friend and we can have a chat. obviously you dont know me and obviously would not trust me but sometimes talking to people you dont know is a good thing as it can help you release stress. if you need any help with high school life then you can always rely on the internet. :) (wait thats not right) besides a great way to stop feeling lonelly is to put on a cheerful song and grab a hair brush and sing into it while looking in the mirror and smilling. its works for me, (or maybe thats just me, and its a little weird when your mum walks in on your, especially if your a guy :L ) hope this helps alot and like i sed you can add me as a friend if you wish i will happily chat to you as you seem like a really nice person, From Tom, (hopefully a new found friend) p.s sorry for the essay and horrible spelling mistakes lol.
2016-03-26 21:35:52 · answer #2 · answered by Elizabeth 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The simplest things are often the hardest to do, aren't they? I know exactly how you feel right now, having experienced the same emotional state a few times recently. Here's the best advice I can give you to start with. Ask your hubby to sit down and talk with you about how you feel and what it is that is making you feel this way. At the same time, allow him to share his feelings as well. Until you both are able to communicate and share, every little thing will continue to add to your conception of the 'problem,' rightly or wrongly. What you or he might think is happening could very well turn out to be misperception on both sides. Having an honest, heart to heart talk is the first step to working it out, but it has to be a two sided effort (you both have to share). Under no circumstances should either of you interrupt the other or allow tempers to flare during this conversation. It may be that he is worried over work (or other outside problems) and doesn't want to burden you with them. I admit freely, a man is not good at sharing his feelings at times, but if the marriage is to work, it has to be done. Marriage is a series of compromises, it is not a solitary dictatorship, neither partner is more important than the other. True love comes with the realization that being a couple means being able to give and take with equal consideration. If you are unable to effectively communicate with each other, then you might need to get outside help (councilling etc.) I guess the key thing, understand that both of you are stressed, the problem is, what is causing the stress? Best way to find out..is ask and truly listen to the answer. For yourself, you sound like you need some hobbies of your own...perhaps some which both of you can enjoy. It is a rough road at times, this love and marriage thing, but if you both truly do care for each other and your children, you will find a way to overcome the strain and remember why you fell in love in the first place. (ever try doing a 'date night' where you two go out on your own without the kids? Might be the break you need) You both need to make time for yourselves, together and apart. Are there any service clubs you could volunteer with near by? Any classes you could sign up for? Look for something to get you out of the house for a bit, a way you can feel a sense of accomplishment of your own. Both hubby and the kids need to know that Mommy needs some time of her own, but it doesn't mean she doesn't love them. Even if it is as simple as having an hour or two where you write poetry or short stories, paint or whatever...something for you to do. Good luck with this and know that you are not the only one to feel this way. :))
2006-08-11 02:12:49 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Been here and done this,I suggest that you get a pencil and paper,sit down together and write down every problem in one column,in the other column discuss and agree upon a solution,take one problem at a time and fix it,this really does help,especially when it is on a piece of paper right in front of your face.If you can somehow take some of his worries and work them as a unit,you will find that you are no longer the lonliest person and that you will both now work together and also find more time for personal time together,give it a try,right now you have nothing to lose,good luck
2006-08-11 01:50:08 · answer #4 · answered by TAMMY M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been there, I know what you are going threw. If you want this to work you need to get out of the house, make some friends,get a job, something! It is so hard on your self and the kids if you are sad and miserable. It will break up a relationship,I know it happened to me. Believe in yourself, take time for yourself, then work on the other stuff. Make yourself happy and everything else will follow suit.
2006-08-11 01:49:54 · answer #5 · answered by betbet 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have just said the right thing that you know the two of you need to work on it.It is simple as such.Stop going mental; Get this issue solved with your husband.
2006-08-11 02:44:48 · answer #6 · answered by patrick w 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Many good responses here. Marriage counseling and going out with friends are good answers.
You may also just want to find a friend on the internet that you can dump on and commisserate with if the above two do not work.
2006-08-11 01:56:10 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
From what you wrote it sounds like you are just having a problem that you husband has a right to change his mind. That does not bode well for you marriage or the fact that you wont talk to him. I do think you need to deal with these co-dependency issues you have.
2006-08-11 01:47:39 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, you must sit down with him and talk about it. Let him know how you feel or he will never know. Unfortunately, they cannot read our minds as we once thought. If there is no communication in a marriage then there will soon be no marriage. You need to swallow your pride, you have children, you have to think of them, talk to him. If it needs to come to counseling then explain it to him and explain to him WHY you want to see a marriage counselor and then go from there.
I know what you are going through and I'll keep you in my prayers. I wish you the best of luck.
Don't wait.........if you can, go talk to him now.
2006-08-11 02:16:55 · answer #9 · answered by lovely butterfly 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, why dont yah concentrate on your kid rather than thinking about your husband acts....
well its a good thing you cared for your relationship... but fighting isn't the best way to solve your problems....
have a dinner, talk some sense to him without using high tones... and if ever the conversation is about to burst... one of you should really calm down....
Talking is the best way to solve problems... I think... hehehe
I hope you'll be able to solve your problem....
2006-08-11 01:51:06 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋