do i have the right to know the name of the person my wife cheated with ? ed?

Question

my wife had a 4 month aff air we are married 24 years i caught her and now she will not tell me who the another man was.

Answer 1

I believe you should know who your wife went in adultery with. You do have the right to know. You also need to forgive her . Don't divorce her , because marriage is what it is until death. ONCE married , ALWAYS married until death. Your wife is ordained just for you ONLY. Remember this therefore what God has joined together , let man not separte. Marriage should not come into lightly because God takes vows seriously so we should too. A vow is a vow. In the bible divorce was premitted for unfaithfulness but it does not make us free from our ordained lifetime mate. If it does make us free than God would not say what he said in Mark 10 : 11 - 12. God is NOT a God of compromise. Start working things out and hang in there. Don't be a coward & a quiter by taking the easy way out from this situation by getting a divorce. Divorce never ever brings closure to any situation. Remember divorce brings MORE hurt & MORE pain to the situation. Do you really want more hurt and more pain to come into your heart ?? If you have any children ..... think of them first before the divorce because the divorce always will damage the children for their rest of their lives. Divorce is ONLY teaching the children to be cowards & quiters to take the easy way out from any situation. Hey I really do know how you feel because my husband left me 5 years ago to be with my X - best friend. We have 3 children also from our 15 years of marriage. I do NOT believe in divorce at all !!! My husband is the one who wants the divorce. My husband could not care less for our children & me because he is looking out for # 1 himself. If my husband did care deeply down in his heart for all of us than he would not be where he is now. The fact remains my husband walk away from God and from what God gave him to have for his WHOLE lifetime. It is so sad that my ordained husband have the fear of stiking out stop him from having the wife { me } and the family { our 3 kids & me }, God ORDAINED him to have for his WHOLE lifetime NOT for 15 years. SO NEVER LET THE FEAR OF STIKING OUT STOP YOU FROM PLAYING THE GAME !!! It takes a lot of courage to play the game on the right side and faith in God to lead you where he wants you to go , NOT in where we want to go in the game of life.Don't be a coward or a quiter and don't go to the bat ONCE in the game. It means that don't ever give up on anything or anyone !! HOPE !!! If you know you are doing something right , you have a lot of courage to do that something. Don't let fear stop you living your life to the fullness of what God has for you in HIS perfect game plan NOT in our plan. All of us are on the stage of life with one person { God } in the audience. Oh no one fells out from love, they fell out from commitment . Remember this there is no pillow so soft as a clear conscience. Well your wife and my husband are the ones who have to live with their consciences. Their conscience will be 24/7 eating at them .......... they can ever get away from their consciences. WORK THINGS OUT AT THE END IT WOULD BE WORTH IT !!!

Answer 2

Look...what does it matter at this point. Let it go. It takes two to tango and what good would it do anyway? What? Go punch the guy out? Don't be stupid. Either make amends with the wife and try and get this mess straightened out or file for the divorce if that's your intention.
You just add fuel to the fire and will make things worse...for yourself.
You really have no 'right" to know. Your trust in her has been violated and it'll take some time to get any of it back and even longer to forgive I'm sure. Show that you're the better man and make this work.
Of course you may want to ask her if she wants to leave and continue with this guy. then it should be alittle easier to come to a decision here.
Good luck pal!

Answer 3

I think you do. If you make the choice to work things out with your wife or not you are going to want as many details as you can stand to hear. 4 months may not seem like a long time but it is especially when it comes to affairs, its 4 months she wasn't with you, 4 months she wasn't with the family???? If you hadn't caught her would it still be going on? Unfortunately, I am wondering if it is someone you know and that is why she will not tell you his name. If the route you take is to work this out than she needs to be completely honest.

Answer 4

The Who in this situation is not so important as the Why! That being said and having been in your position in my previous marraige I would have to say that knowing who did not make me feel any better or understand any better. The only thing that worked for me was to deal with my obsession, only then could I work on the relationship. Much easier said than done and I had a great counselor who helped guide me through the process. Good luck to you.

Answer 5

It isn't going to ease your pain to know who it is, you may think it will because you're probably wanting to see what the other person has/did or whatever that attracted your wife to him in the first place. Something was missing in your relationship, by knowing who the other person was won't answer these questions. You unfortunately are going to have to ask your wife what it was about this person that attracted her to him. It is NOT going to be easy to do this, because you're going to have to be compassionate and open/not hostile, as she answers. It's going to take a lot of strength to not get defensive as she responds. If you want to stay together, you both need to work on the aspects that led her to stray.

This will not be easy.

Answer 6

Nope! My suggestion, bail! She does it once, she's gonna do it again. Another suggestion, try and tape phone conversations. Easy to install, just connect to the phone, hide behind something, and make sure nobody can hear the recorded going on and off. Radio Shack has the unit for $30 or so. I caught my X that way, she threatened me with imprisonment and lawsuits but the police I spoke with as well as phone company said they have heard of nothing that would result in fines or imprisonment. You are entitled to know who, what and where in the confines of your own home. Good luck to ya!

Answer 7

on occasion, once you play with hearth, you get burned. of direction, it rather is not ok for her to repeatedly harass you, yet that's an excellent reason to not play around with married adult men. For regardless of reason, you're being forced to learn this the not hardship-free way. There are as many deadly flings as there are psycho different halves and once you're making this type of mistake.... you in basic terms in no way know what style of guy or woman you may ought to manage. in case you instruct her the letter, you may in basic terms help justify her insecurities approximately you, that could push her over the sting. i could say, suck it up and manage the consequence of your movements like a huge woman. with a bit of luck she'll go away you on my own now. i'm not announcing your hubby is acceptable by using fact none human beings are, yet isn't it astounding which you have his help, even now? humorous how some thing like this might improve a relationship. good luck

Answer 8

I believe you do have the right to know, if you truly want to know. Will it make it any easier if you know or will it be harder?
I had an affair on my husband and I was honest with him about it and told him who it was and anything else he wanted to know. It helped him cope better with the affair and made it easier for him to move past it, but I could see where it could make it harder on some people. What if you knew the guy? Would you be able to control your temper if you ran into the guy.
Just some things to think about.

Answer 9

Will you knowing make you feel any better!?!? NO.

After 24 years you need to worry about dealing and resolving about why it happened and move forward. You knowing who it was will not make a difference, the fact is she did it, you found out and now what are you going to do about it!?!?

Can you forgive and forget???

Can you look at her and not think about it ever again???

Can you get mad and NOT ever throw it in her face???

Because if you can't do the above.........then just leave....it won't be worth it!

Answer 10

Yes, u have the right to get the answer because u r the person who was cheated. So dont hesitate to ask her who is the person. Go ahead. All the best.

Answer 11

The fact that she cheated is the issue, not with who. However, if this person is in your social group, that could be something to straighted out. Look for the cause of the infidelity, not the act itself.