This is a long story, I will try keeping it brief. My ex was violent towards me infront of our daughter. I'm now seeing a solicitor over contact who is saying I should offer 2 hours contact in a contact centre, with volunteers and myself present. My daughter is 3 and terrified of seeing him, she has actually been referred by her GP for counselling. I am worried she will not be able to cope with seeing him, I know nothing of the legal side of this though. Just wondered if people think this is something i should do?
2006-08-10 22:23:11 · 21 answers · asked by helen 1 in Politics & Government ➔ Law & Ethics
I would never use my daughter as a 'tool for revenge'. Im a good mum and would do anything for her. I just want her to be safe and happy.
2006-08-10 22:51:47 · update #1
That's really sad for your daughter, she should have her voice and opinions heard, it could have a lasting effect on her if she's frightened of him.
Try and get support from your counsellor and GP and present it to the courts.
2006-08-10 22:45:10 · answer #1 · answered by Rick 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This happened to my sister, Because the father was adament to see my niece there was nothing she could do. They went to court 18 months later it was resolved. She had to go to a contact centre every saturday and hated it. If your daughter is really scared the workers at the contact centre will notice this and when your solicitor wants a report off them it will show. Unfortuantly you are limited to what you can do but you have to let your daughter make the dissions otherwise she could hate you. It will be a long process for you, and i no you are hating every minute of it and you proberly cringe when he's with you daughter.
Hopefully it will get better for you and Good luck girl
2006-08-11 10:19:43 · answer #2 · answered by shelz042000 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Without knowing the full situation i can only assume that your lawyer is trying to avoid a direct fight for custody (perhaps your ex has a chance at full custody if it goes to court ?)
It will be traumatic for your daughter but being 3 means the effect wont last .
Agree to the contact centre because A its safe and B it will give witnesses to your daughters fear .
Social workers carry a great deal of weight when such things wind up in court .
Also the situation will cause your ex frustration and with luck he'll blow his top at the contact centre , if he does this you can guarantee he will lose all rights to his child and be out of your life for good .
Congratulations on having the strength to leave him and remember that with each day that passes you will get stronger ,
You are doing the right thing for yourself and your daughter even if it sometimes doesn't seem like it .
Good Luck
2006-08-11 05:48:10 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would definitely say go to the Counsellor but I would refuse the contact with your ex. Surely once you and your daughter have been to see the Counsellor they will write up a report as evidence of the effects that this situation is having on your daughter and you can produce this to your solicitor. At the end of the day your daughter's wellbeing is the priority, alongwith your own which will reflect on your daughter. Good luck x
2006-08-11 08:05:29 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
To refuse all contact will get the professionals angry with you and can cause problems. But you can insist that a counsellor or child psychologist be present to document your daughter's reaction.
You should also try to investigate your ex's past to use the information in your case. People are rarely violent out of the blue: he must have some history.
2006-08-11 05:34:27 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would suggest that you go ahead with the councilling session for your daughter and ask your solicitot to plead for non access to your husband due to the fear that this has for your daughter. Contact has only been arranged with other people in attendance and believe me the volunteers will be watching. Do you have a social worker? It may be worth trying to get them on your side as they will be able to look at the safety aspect of allowing your ex time with your daughter. Contact the child support agency in your area and get their advise.
2006-08-11 05:31:33 · answer #6 · answered by geegee 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Due to the fact that your daughter is scared try the advice of your solicitor and see what happens if your daughter is to frightened remove her from this situation and get help from the court and welfare Your daughter comes first no matter what.
2006-08-11 05:32:33 · answer #7 · answered by lady_di_ar125 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
To make a fair judgement and give advice one would need to hear from both parties, your ex may be an unpleasant person, you may also be just as unpleasant, it is also immoral to use your daughter as a tool for revenge. The issue is between yourself and your ex, your child should not be involved in the dispute, but protected from the trauma.
2006-08-11 05:43:58 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If your daughter is that scared of him - then don't agree to your daughter's contact with him and don't go along with your Solicitor's suggestion. Given that your now ex has been violent to you, there is no reason to believe that he won't at some stage be violent to your daughter.
2006-08-11 05:34:17 · answer #9 · answered by ? 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I would say no. If he is violent don't subject yourself or your daughter to that. I am sure if you look you can find some women's rights groups which will be able to help you.
Don't give in. You know what is right for your daughter,
Be careful and good luck.
2006-08-11 05:31:22 · answer #10 · answered by Jon H 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋