How can I learn to be nicer?

Question

I live in China. I'm constantly heckled and cat-called by many locals here. This, although not very refined, is certainly not seen as an insult by Chinese people. The insult is just in my head, due to my having grown up in America where such behavoir isn't acceptable.
I love living here, and I want to stay. But I find myself pissed-off almost once an hour at the way many people treat me.
Many Chinese people have explained why some folks act this way toward me, and there are very understandable reasons. But no matter how much I come to understand, it still pisses me off and the result is that I'm a jerk to about half the people I meet on the street. Usually because I have just taken what they've said or done as an insult.
I guess my delima is how to put intro practice what know I should do. How can I overide my basic cultural reflexes and better adapt to my environment? What I was taught as a child is nonfunctional here. Maybe I should just grow up. Thanks.

Answer 1

Well, of course, you have already begun by asking the question.

I am not certain that being nicer is what you really want. Are you certain that it is not to be more understanding that you desire?

Understanding of why you feel mistreated and pissed off? Understanding of why you get cat called? Understanding of how exciting you must appear to those who have not grown up in America?

It is not enough to just grow up. Growing up suggests a surrendering to the rigid problems of never having to understand that being grown up isn't an excuse for giving up!

You love China.

Let China love you.

I hope my suggestion won't sound too simple for you to consider.

Smile. Just smile.

Mother Theresa said that peace begins with a smile.

Here's the trick. The smile looks good on the outside and protects you on the inside. On the inside is where peace begins.

We don't smile to give our fellows a greeting; we smile to give ourselves peace.

Answer 2

Only ever treat people the way you would like to be treated. I cannot understand why you are so fed up when you say the heckling is not meant as an insult. You need to chill out , if you can't then go back to America. When in Rome do as the Romans.

Answer 3

it doesn't really sound as if you need to be nicer. can you not just do to them what they do to you? in theory (ie, i don't know what i'm talking about), this will make you feel better, as you're doing what seems, to you, insulting, to them (though this may not make you feel better... hm; a flaw), but they don't find it insulting, making you seem nice. alternately, cultivate compassion for all, or walk around with headphones.

Answer 4

Thats tough and very odd at the same time.

Well, just smile and wave :)