I've told my husband many times that I don't love him no more, but he just tells me that i don't know what i'm on about.
There is also the problem of that he is violent to me each time I tell him and we have a 4 year old son.
If it was just me and him then i'd leave today but I can't as there is our son to consider and the fact that he would probably kill me if I took him with me.
2006-08-10 22:12:34 · 17 answers · asked by peachy babes 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
get far away before you end up just another statistic
2006-08-10 22:17:51 · answer #1 · answered by kobie65 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am sure that you must have seen or heard about other women in your position.They will all have said that these men never get any better,and it is a known fact that unless you get out,he will keep hurting you until maybe one day he might even kill you.
Of course this will be one of the most difficult things you might have to do in your whole life,but if you want a life. for you and your son, you must be brave and get out.The are refuges for women who are in your position,they will help you and keep him away from both you and your son until you can get your life sorted out away from him.
This man obviously does'nt want to believe you no longer love him,this is why he completely dis-regards the things you say to him.He also thinks you are frightened of him and therefore you will be too scared of what he will do if you try to leave.
What you must realise is, this man is in fact a bully and a coward, your son is now of an age where he see's and understands that his father hits his mother and she still stays and goes on living with his dad. He will grow up to think this life is normal,and may even grow up to be an abuser himself if things don't change.
A child being bought up by a single parent will always be happier than one who is bought up in a violent relationship.So by leaving you will only be helping your son to lead a normal life.
I don't know if your husband works, but if not,there must be occasions when he goes out for some reason or another, or maybe you will have to wait until he is really well asleep and leave with your son.
I know you will be very scared by the thought of this, but what is more frightening, taking that step and making a new life with your son, or putting up with the life you have now, with a man you hate, who beats you up when it suits him?
If he kills you in one of his violent outbursts, your son will be left without a mother. Children are innocents, they don't ask to be bought into this world, we decide that, so it is our duty to make sure that they live happy lives and are protected from people like his father.He cannot do this for himself, you must be strong for him.
I don't know if you have a best friend, who might be able to find out about where your nearest refuge is.But having said that, be very careful that anyone who you do tell, is a true and faithful friend, as some people have a habit of opening their mouths even when they've been told not to.
If you are brave enough to take this step,( I really urge you to do so) just take what you need for your son, a few things for yourself.
I know it's hard to leave things, but always remember they are only material, life is far more important,things can always be replaced.
Just remember, he won't leave, why should he, he's pretty sure you will keep putting up with his behaviour, afterall you have for the last four years! Honestly darling, get out it won't get any better.
If you would like to talk to me more on this,write the same question again ,with CAN YOU HELP at the end,and I will email you seperately. Good luck I will be thinking about you.
2006-08-11 06:44:12 · answer #2 · answered by animalwatch 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sorry babe but you need to get out with your son NOW!!!!
There are refuges women who are suffering domestic violence can go to.
Contact the police and tell them about your husbabds threats.
Please don't put up with it anymore, gather all you nessesities, passport, birth certificate, bank statements, rent books, driving licence, all your important paperwork.
Make sure you take your sons favorite toys, pillow, blanket etc so he has some confort wherever you go.
The police can escort you at a later date to collect some stuff.
Please also remember, if you stay, your son has to witness your unhappy life, what do you think that will do to him? You can make a happier life for the two of you without your husband in your life!
Get you name on the list at the local housing authorities and tell them your situation, they may even put you in a bed and breakfast for 3 weeks so they can house you as a priority, they also have lists of refuges you can go to.
Good luck, I know its hard, i did it myself back in March this year and I haven't looked back since! My 3 year old daughter is much happier too!
I wish you all the best!!
2006-08-11 05:46:41 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
How about a restraining order?? AND your son will be much better off away from a violent man. He's going to end up just like daddy, beating up women when he gets old enough. Take him as far away as possible as quickly as possible. Tomorrow (it's 2:38 a.m. here), have all your stuff & your son's stuff moved out, & file a police report and get a restraining order against him. Then get OUT!!!!!!
Has he ever hit your son???
2006-08-13 03:39:56 · answer #4 · answered by Incognito 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What is your question in the first place if you want him to leave and then not because of your son?
Get your priorities right. You got married and took vows. Report your hubby for being a batterer unless you married him to be his punching bag.
You know the answer but you do not want to accept it.
Marriage Counselling could also help
2006-08-11 05:42:51 · answer #5 · answered by Ycul72 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to get out of there, don't tell him you don't love him anymore, if you can when he is gone pack your things and go to the police dept, do you have family or friends that could hide you until you are safe? You have to do something now because it is only going to get worse and your son needs to feel safe. By you staying you are hurting him, it will cause him problems when he gets older, If you don't love your husband, love yourself and most of all your son.. Get out soon before you get hurt badly.. I will pray for you and I wish you the best of luck..
2006-08-11 05:59:09 · answer #6 · answered by Talia 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
OKay, the safe house. Go NOW, and forget everything else. Why die soon, when you can escape forever? Although you need to give up your home. But you got the wrong murderer to marry - bad luck. Well, you're still alive. People move far away for work: you're doing that. Why not? Then, talk to the lawyer and put that man away in jail. He is evil.
2006-08-11 05:26:09 · answer #7 · answered by bwsnyder2000 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just go. If he is violent, you need to think aout your son. Get yourself in a women's hostel, I know it's not the greatest place but at least you will be safe. And get yourself some professional advice and maybe legal help ASAP.
2006-08-12 14:25:18 · answer #8 · answered by roxpox99 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you are in genuine fear of your life or health then leave right now and take the child with you. Don't go somewhere where he'll know where you've gone (unless said place contains people who are both able and willing to fight him off if necessary). Once you are safe call a lawyer and start the necessary restraining orders and divorce proceedings.
2006-08-11 05:26:35 · answer #9 · answered by a1mandrake 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
make and report to the police about his violents to you,have him arrested. while he in jail start failing and divorce. you can have and restraining order on him also they cost money though. get your ducks in and row and take action.you can also move out of were you are living find some were else to live were he don't know were you are.ween you put your son in school show them the restraining Oder make shore that it says that he is to stay away from you and your son. do to his anger problems. best of luck hope you take my advise.
2006-08-11 05:29:55 · answer #10 · answered by mommy72403 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You can leave if you really want to. There are plenty of places you can go and get help such as women's shelter. If he is violent you need to get out ASAP because the violence will only get worse. Good luck
2006-08-11 07:23:25 · answer #11 · answered by latingirl0527 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋