am i some kind of psycho wife?

Question

i just got back yesterday afternoon(i had taken the children on a camping trip for four days, with my sister.) I had missed my husband so much and was really looking forward to spending the evening with him. However he had different ideas and went to the pub instead. I felt really upset, he said he missed me too, so why wouldnt he want to be with me? I feel like he always chooses the pub or sport over me- he even tryed to play football the morning after we got married-but was told he wasnt needed and should go back home to me! When i was pregnant with one of our children i had a bleed on a sunday morning- i had to call an ambulance on advice from doc, and my husband said "shall i come with you, do you need me"? i know it was probably wrong thing to say but i said to him to go to football (i suppose i just thought that if he REALLY cared he shouldnt have asked?). He says he cant understand what i get so mad about, i am at my wits end, i feel like he will never love me like i want him to

Am i being out of order, too demanding? I wish i didnt feel second best all the time? i dont want to be some sort of nagging wife, but i guess i just dont believe that he truly loves me. He does show me affection, but i dont think its enough?

Answer 1

First off you told your husband he could go to football when you were going to have a baby. Your husband was a jerk for asking and you were an idiot for not saying what you want.

We all need a class in men and women. Women need to say what they want. None of this you should have known crap.

Men cant figure out crap in relationships. They have to be told over and over. Ya know sort of like a puppy.

So! You tell him what you want and don't think a man can figure out what you want or what the heck you might be thinking.
You are not psycho yet

Answer 2

He sounds very selfish, it's not you. I was married to a man for 20 years who did just the same. He was never home to help bath the kids, he just went straight from work to the pub and came home when they were in bed. On Satudays he would go and watch rugby from 12pm and come home at 4am often. I basically brought up those children on my own because he was never there. He would cancel weekends away that we had planned with the kids at the last minute due to sports.
You need to talk to him about this and try and go to councilling or it will get worse. You are not a nagging wife and there is a happy medium. He could go to the pub/play sports once a week and how about you got a babysitter sometimes and you go t the pub with him or the two of you go out for a meal. It's a tough one. Good luck!

Answer 3

I think the most interesting question here is that you have come to Yahoo answers to have your question answered. Is this because you feel you can't talk to him?

Couples tend play elaborate 'games' rather than engage in meaningful discussions with each other. It does sound like your husband is insensitive and uncaring from your comments but you two are the only ones who are going to solve this. It is a problem that only the two of you have a complete picture of.

You're inability to tackle this with your partner is a much more worrying issue than him dissapearing down the pub. Try to arrange a time with him when you can talk to him about this.

Emphasise that its not going to be a nagging session. Try to concentrate on solutions rather than endlessly raking up old grievances. Simply state how his behaviour makes you feel unwanted and unloved and you need things to change. Try to come to a workable compromise. How about going out together somewhere each week?

You need to spend quality time together as a couple and this won't happen if you are both off doing your own thing. A relationship is about being together. You need to stop seeing yourself as a victim and start seeing yourself as an equal partner in a relationship that you are unhappy in.

You are the best expert on your marriage, don't look for advice here (people will just say what you want to hear to get the 10 points!), the advice is probably worth exactly what you are paying for it...

Answer 4

First, you're not a psycho.

Second, you need to tell him EXACTLY how you are feeling & why.

Third, NEVER assume that he should know what you want or how you feel.

You need to tell him what it is that you expect from him & find out what it is that he expects from you... then come to an agreement & compromise.

I'm happily married (recently married with a 6 month old son) and I've been through this already... I suffered for a long time until I realised that we assumed all the wrong things at all the wrong times. Be open, honest & understanding at all times.

COMMUNICATION is so important (mandatory) everyone. I can't even begin to explain how much. We will all be happier if we could just understand that.

Answer 5

I think he's just one of those men who don't value things like being together, loyalty and reliance. I'm not trying to justify it but there are men like that out there. When a guy says 'are you ok' and you go yeah i'm fine you can leave, he should know that no you are not ok and you shouldnt leave. I don't think you're psycho at all. He's just clueless. This kinda reminds me of Marge and Homer Simpsons. He's always goign to the bar when they have some kind of a conflict or he doesnt care. He might need a little scare. Don't threaten to leave. I think he has to realize how important being in a marriage is but not that its restricting. Youmight want to try to be a little tricky and say you're going to eat pizza or watch football with a guy friend. He might get jealous and try to win you over. Whatever happens, good luck

Answer 6

hi there you seem like alady that is now so busy looking after the kids and a home that you do everything and dont get much time to youre self without hearing a never ending shout of mum or youre husband saying youre name and wanting to know where something is or what ever it is he cant find and believe it or not its right under there nose .........ring any familar bells ?this happens all a round the world an i know that that doesnt help you but this might, you need time for youre self get a hold of youre husband and tell him that you need to talk and get some of these felings that you have sorted ,explain that you want one or two nights a week where you get youre time to go and lie in a bath or go for a walk go see friends just to have you time and this could make you feel so much more relaxed and when you chatwith him tell him that you both need time together to be in each others company without hearing the word mum for a couple of hours ,we all love our kids but having them its a full time job with no days of and excuse me but i think thatall mums should be able to go and have a bath with loads of bubbles they will all survive while youre soaking and relaxing ,so the answer to youre question is no youre not a physco wife just a mum and wife that needs some her time good luck and please for youre sake relax take care xx

Answer 7

Sounds like you are perfectly normal and your husband is a typical fool.
Kick him back into touch with a bit of persistant nagging and those oh so affective 'we need to talk' nights.

If he is so inconsiderate then limit when he can go to the pub. Specific nights only.
Make sure you go out some times and he stays at home with the kids.

On the plus point, Imight show this to my wife and perhaps sh'll think a better husband than she thinks

Answer 8

No he is out of line though. His family should come before anything, unless he's getting paid to play football. I'd be way done putting up with this, I would have been when the pregnancy thing happened. You are right about one thing, he will never love you the way you want to be loved, so now what do you want to do about that? Remember that time is the one thing you can never get back so spend it wisely, if this relationship is wasting yours move on, haven't you waited long enough for something you will never get from this man?

Answer 9

Men aren't mind readers. You have to be very direct and clear with them. Sounds like you want him around times he should be around, not like you want him up your bum all day every day. Tell him you want him there. Say no, I just got back from camping and it's important to me that you spend time with me tonight. Your friends will still be at the pub tomorrow. And as for when you were pregnant, he was scared, he didn't know if it was just a girl thing or if he should be there... so he asked. And yes, you gave the wrong answer.

Answer 10

Trying to be different than all these other ramblers... Hes got a hobby, and something that makes him happy in sport, now i hate sport, i hate pretty much everything, i dont even have a tv.... Im reasonably suicidal, but if i had a hobby, friends.. life wouldnt be so bad.

Lots of guys love sport. Involve yourself. go and watch, probably other sports widows their too. take the lads some sandwiches.

If he doesnt want you to join in, you have problems. If he does.. yay

Why not take up a hobby of your own, eg making jewlery, or salsa classes.

Wifes taking salsa classes is great, The husband doesnt want to go, and doesnt want you getting felt up by some young cute guy for hours :)