Pls help I dont wanna get married????

Question

My parents want me to get married but I don't want to. In our religion we have arranged marriages but the girl is allowed to say no. I said no and my father said "I'm not going to force you since it goes against our religion." Then 2 days later he tells me "You're getting married I can't let you say no." needless to say I was crushed but at the same time I was really hurt now I can't figure out what to do. I know that if I tell the guy to his face 9i'm supposed to meet him in december) that I dont wanna marry him he wont marry me because as far as he knows i do. I don't think it's right for me to jsut marry the guy cuz my p's want me to and also when he doesn't know that I dont wanna marry him. Anyway tho the problem with telling him to his face is that it will shame my family and they have already almost outrightly told me that if I dont marry him they'll make me miserable. I have no idea what to do and I am begging help from anyone. I am 19 and american but i have no way to stop this

Answer 1

First ask yourself why you don't want to marry him. If you can list good reasons why, then you need to share these with your father. He will listen even though he may not like it. Worst case, just tell him No! Tell him that you will tell the boy No also.

Your father said he would not force you and your religion does allows you to say No, so just remind your father of those facts.

Remember, you father believes he is doing the right thing for you, so talk to him. I am sure he only wants what is best for you.

Good Luck!!!

Answer 2

First of all, if you are living in America then you do have a choice. Marriage should be a partnership between two people. And not something arrange like an internet purchase without even seeing the person face to face.
You never know, you might like the man and fall head over heels, or you could be completely incompatable and hate each other for the rest of your lives. Either way, you should have the change to decide for yourself.
I would sit down with your parents and tell them how you feel. Tell them you want a few more years to learn about yourself before you marry. Maybe go to college. I don't know what religion you are and what your family thinks of women going to college. Or having a job or any of those things. But you really should discuss this with your parents. And if it comes down to your father saying marry or else. Then you might have to take the "or else" option. It may mean moving out and living on your own for a while. But it's very much do able as long as you have determination. But while talking to your family, try to be calm and not get upset or yell. Keep your cool. Maybe even do some research into your own religion and bring up references about how the woman has the choice to say no. Or any other references that might help your case. Being prepared is very helpful. Study your options and write down anything useful for a good debate. Try your best. And if all else fails, show your family your determination and your boot heels. Prove to them you are a strong woman. Prove to them you are right by having them see you in 10 years from now with a good man who treats you good, a good job, kids, or whatever.

Answer 3

You'll be alright if you say no. You will most likely find that your parents will soften after the initial shock. If they do not, you are 19 and able to get out on your own. It may seem scary but at least you will know you made the right decision. There are so many places you can get assistance. Local churches and community centers offer counseling. Many are non denominational and would be open minded about your religious convictions too. Look at it this way, If you do marry this man they have chosen, what's NEXT? Yes, babies! Do you want to sit across from a man you don't love and know that you are trapped and have little children by him. No you don't. Just gather all your courage together and take a stand girl!

Answer 4

You must not allow this to happen, And only you can stop it before it escalates any farther.
By another person literally forcing their will upon you
( your father ), You have been shamed by that person.
This perceived shame of your family is just that , " perceived "
There is no literal shame, Only in THEIR minds they see shame.
Your father told you it was against his religion to force you to say yes when you said no, And yet he did it anyway, So it is not out of religion that you should honor his demands.
If your father will so easily shame you then there is no reason for your hesitance to indulge his self proclaimed shame.
You probably will face consequences from him and relatives, But if they are so willing to do mental harm to you, Then I would suggest that those are not the people you want to be around.
The content and wording of your question indicates that you are an intelligent and strong willed woman, I believe you would do very well in America without the demands and backwords thinking of those who would oppress you.

Answer 5

If you decide that when you go meet ur parents in Dec, then you tell him that you dont wanna get married, they will agree but after a day or two will point all the good sides etc, like the guy's good, family good, dont have to marry now just engagement, and honestly you going to agree.

So i say you need a "reason" to say no to them, just that you dont wanna, is not good enough, they will get you engaged.

Main reasons:
Like someone else?

Cry a lot or get sick, so that parents eventually think "she dont want to, we dont wanna hurt her" so leave marriage for a while.

Answer 6

Like u said your an american so you do have a choice. If your parents really cared about u and ur feeling they wouldnt make u marry him. If its against ur religion for them to force you then u need to point that out to them. If they won't listen then just tell the guy. You really don't want to marry someone that u don't want to be with b/c it will never work and you will be miserable and so will he b/c u won't be happy. For his sake and yours you have to speak up. Good luck!

Answer 7

if you are 19 then don't marry the guy. Your father can't force you to do anything, you're an adult, if you're dependent on him for support then he can make you life hell for not marrying but when the celebrant say do you or don't you, then say whatever you want to say. there is no point in being unhappy, you may like your chosen groom but why don't you decide who you want to marry, if it's that important to your father let him marry the dude. good luck

Answer 8

Your parents are shaming you for forcing you to spend your life with someone that you don't want to. I think you have the solution already, tell the man that you don't want to marry him. If you get married, then you'll be cheating yourself and this man who you'll marry.

Also, it's time to stand up to your parents. If you let your father make decisions for you now, then he'll be doing that for the rest of your life. And you'll resent him for the rest of your life. Break the pattern and tell him that you will not get married to this man.

Answer 9

Perhaps you should meet him and then make this decision. It is possible that you will love him and feel differently. At any rate, I would try not to stress so much over this. Perhaps he does not want to marry you either and thinks that he will shame his family by saying no. What religion are you?

Answer 10

If you live in this country you do not have to marry him. Leave home and get a job. Marry a man you love. Good luck.