Should I feel guilty?

Question

My dad's 82 years old and in a nursing home, which he loves. I don't see him very often, primarily due to work and a new relationship following my divorce a year ago. He always admired two specific professional types of people: I became both of them and he has never told me that he was proud of me or that he loved me. He never did "guy" stuff with me (playing ball, talking men stuff, hunting, fishing, etc). Everything I've learned, I've learned on my own. He was never there. So, should I feel guilty for not seeing him that often in the nursing home?

Answer 1

no

Answer 2

Some men have a difficult time even saying what people would think are the simplest things. Perhaps your father didn't know how to tell you how proud he was of you. Perhaps he thought that if he told you, you wouldn't be as driven and try as hard.
Many men have trouble expressing their emotions. It's extremely common. It doesn't mean that your father didn't/doesn't love you. Maybe he was trying to teach you in a different way- by allowing you to be independant and allow you to learn on your own. Personally, I learned alot on my own, and my mother didn't do all that girly stuff with me.
Regardless, even though I don't get along well with my mother as much either, I still think that you should see your father more at that nursing home. I would do that for my mother.
Your father is nearing the end of his life... and I'm sure that he needs his children beside him. I would advise you to see him as much as you can, and leave the past behind you where it needs to be.
You are a good person for even asking if you should feel guilty. You should do this for you... because that way, there will be no question to you that you tried showing your father that you cared. Who knows? Maybe he will see that and open up more... the ball would be in his court and the rest is up to him.
Gluck to you.

Answer 3

By asking this it seems that you feel guilty. I think that maybe you do need to see him more. Although he might not ever be the type of father you want him to be, sometimes it is better know that you are the type of person who still cares enough beyond all the hurts. I think that you should go and see him, even if it is just for a half an hour once every couple of weeks. Who knows, maybe a bond could be made after all of these years. If not, at least when he is gone you will know that you did everything you could, even if he never did anything. Good luck.

Answer 4

Was he never there because he was doing the same as you? Working. You should be there for your father, it is a time now where you can become closer. If something happens to him, you'll regret that you didn't.

Nursing homes can be a lonely place in a way. There are alot of strangers, some people just give up when family doesn't come to see them. Put yourself in his shoes.

You should take your new girl and visit.

Answer 5

It sounds like you weren't that close growing up. I don't offer that as an excuse, just an observation. You should see him as often as you can, just because he may have some things he wants to settle in his own mind. I cannot stand my mother in law, she was a lousy mother and a worse mother in law. Still I encourage my wife to talk to her, because when they're gone, there will be no more talking and no way to fix any damage or come to terms with it.

Answer 6

no - but it is understandable that you would. I would try to make the effort to see him because there will come a day when you won't be able to even if you wanted to - you'll probably feel better about yourself and it could be meaningful for the both of you. Good luck with whatever you decide

Answer 7

You are a different type of person then he is.... Obviously you do feel guilty and that show's that you are a good person and you care, there is nothing wrong with that.... If you do the right thing then you can live with a clear conscience....

Answer 8

do u have reasons to feel guilty? is the time u do spend w/ him good quality time? don't penalize him for his lack of involvement b4-enjoy the time he has for u now b4 he's gone & u regret not having a 2nd chance w/ him

Answer 9

ever heard the song cats in the cradle? maybe that's just the way it is

Answer 10

he is an old man now, just go and see him, because he is nearing his time. guilty or not, don't have regrets,

Answer 11

you cannot fight fire with fire...regardless of your father's mistakes and short coming, you should still be the bigger person by supporting your father...b/c God will have a much greater reward for you!!! God Bless!!!