For those of you married a long, long time....?

Question

How do you put the spark back into your marriage? After years and years of childraising and being busy and caught up in all the activities (boy scouts, girl scouts, music lessons, sports, etc. etc. etc...) it's all family time but no US time anymore...sex is like "huh?" so what do you do? How do you go back in time and recapture what you once had. Soon the kids will be grown and out of the house, and I dont want to find us living in separate rooms and being two ships passing in the night...any suggestions?

Sorry but swinging is not the solution.

Answer 1

You have to start wooing each other again. It may feel wierd and awkward at first and not feel romantic at all. But, give it some time. I think you should first start off by talking to your spouse about how you are feeling. Come up with some things he can do for you and you can do for him that would make ya'll feel good. Start doing them, and definitely start having a date once a WEEK. Make it a priority. It takes a lot of work and even more communication. Doing unexpected silly things always helps.

Answer 2

This has been on my mind since the beginning of our marriage, because I see it happen so often. Marriage takes work to keep it going. It is a constant effort, and some times require more strength than others.
You need to start dating again! Revisit the things about each other that got you interested in the first place. Take long walks and just talk. Buy a new sexy nighty. Do something together that you have never done, like white water rafting or rock climbing. Go to a marriage conference together for the weekend and get a hotel. Think about his needs, not your own. Let him know that you're putting him first. Read the book, Wild At Heart, by John Eldredge, it really tells a lot about a man's wild side that needs to be fulfilled in order for him to be happy.

Whatever you do, don't give up! This is the same person you said "till death so us part" to.

Many Blessings for a continued life together!

Answer 3

I am divorced so I can't say I did it. But we were married 26 years and I kept thinking things would calm down, they never did.

My advice is to MAKE time for each other. Have your kids stay with a friend over a weekend and go camping, or to a hotel, or stay at home and make is a romantic weekend. Candles and wine. Go dancing, or go anywhere you can to remind each other of where your relationship started and why.
I would even cut back on activities with the kids. Or have very effecient car pools. Mostly, take time for life. We only have one chance to live. Take a step in the past and do something like you would of done when you were dating.

Agree with your husband to have at least one 10 second hug a day. And always kiss at least three times a day.

Thank your husband for working so hard. Make an agreement with him to at least once a day something nice about each other.......like."hey thanks for being such a good dad" or
"you just get more handsome as you age"

bring some spice in to your life. Make a mutual agreement to spice things up, You will be amazed how wonderful it can be.
Once they kids are gone, it will be the two of you together.

Cuddle, make plans for the future. "When we are retired we want to...............

Answer 4

Establish a date night. Get your hair done, polish your nails, get a pedicure, put on makeup, buy a new dress, get all dolled up and go out for dinner, just the two of you. Meet on your lunch hour at home or a hotel just for a quickie to make it seem exciting again. Call him and leave him a dirty message on his cell. Surprise him with new lingerie. Arrange for the kids to go to grandma's (grandpa's, aunts, best friends, anywhere) for the weekend and get your freak on all over the house. Even if some of it seems forced at first, the desire and attraction will come back and soon you really won't be able to wait for a minute alone. Or a look across the room will make you feel like it use to. Practice makes perfect, get busy.

Answer 5

If you can talk to your partner about it, you have nothing to worry about. You will find the right way for you both. But if you have trouble communicating about it, then be prepared for a rough road that can go either way. One way to start though is to do something that you would not normally do. Like go and do some karaoke, join dance classes, become a band member. Silly stuff that you once (or maybe even still think) thought you wouldnever do, but now might try. Sounds daft right, but for some reason, the humour returns, the sense of play comes back and you're on your way. Good luck.

Answer 6

We have been married 27 yrs. I feel that if the spark was there once, it never left. You just put it on the back burner. We raised 4 children and did all those things you mentioned too. Our spark is each other. Candle light dinners, quiet talks, cuddling, going for walks and holding hands, showering together, gentle touches on the arms or back, always saying "I love you" before he leaves. You don't have to go extravagant to get your spark back. Simple things can go a long way. We are 60 and going strong. Love making without kids around is wonderful. If your kids are still home. wait till they go to bed and go for it. You will be glad you did.

Answer 7

understanding that you're 2 diverse human beings and respecting each and every others ameliorations understanding at the same time as to do issues jointly and at the same time as no longer too. Compromise and believe. verbal change is the most. the first component is to be particular you marry someone that has a hardship-free purpose and also you've hardship-free floor on. enable the different human being breath. which ability, do no longer stifle the others persons passions in existence. My husband rides motorcycles. I listen women human beings each and every of the time affirming they could imagine of letting their husbands have a bike. you do not enable an significant different do some thing. they are someone and also you're their spouse no longer their parent. There are worse issues in existence then using a bike and if he needs to target this to unwind particularly of having a beer then I say ok. you would possibly want to enable your significant different to be who they are. do no longer marry someone to regulate them. Be picky and marry the guy you want no longer the guy you imagine you may tweak and adjust. human beings do no longer change till they prefer to. it is purely my idea. Take vacation trips jointly with out the youngsters a minimum of once a twelve months. Make your friendship with your significant different a concern.

Answer 8

Sounds like you guys need to take a nice long relaxing vacation just the two of you. Kind of a 2nd honeymoon.

That should get you off to a good start. After that have a "date night" at least 2x a month where you go out just the two of you somewhere nice and leave the kids at home.

Good luck!

Answer 9

ok...u can try these ways of putting yr sparks bk into the marriage :-

a. make a point to go out at least one or twice every week ..but without the kids ..get someone to take care of them for a couple of hours ..

b. when the kids are sleeping (try to put yr kids early to bed)..have bedroom talks ...bedroom fun .pillow fights ..would be nice ...

c. have a nice bubble bath together .if no bath tub ..then havea nice hot shower together ..is romantic

d. send sms ......cute n notty ones .......

e. cuddle up together n watch tv /movies at home .

f. go to the park/beaches for walks ......

Ive been married for 13 yrs, the 1st 10 yrs was tough .but now we are like kids fighting ..in a fun way .always at each other backside..i treat my husband like a friend...so the tension is more relax and less arguments ....i always believe it takes two hands to clap .....is not easy to maintain a good marriage ...with sparks ...but dont give up ...til u tried hard ....

i hope i have help u in any way :)



cheers :)

Answer 10

neva lost the spark we have sex all the time n i know how to keep it tight n we have fun n dont sweat the small things we dont fight much n i get my way alot i am ghetto n he is hard kinda rocker type but we have 3 teenage boys and we are still young been married 13 yrs but we get along great n have fun... we do everything together too he cant wait to come home to me n i cant wait til he gets home we hang out with eachotha and our kids they love to be around us too bc we are cool not many young ppl have what we have n understand how we do it, now there was a time when he thought i cheated so he cheated then i cheated for pay back but we got thru it n went back to the way we was which is the way i descibed n when he cheated he was using all sorts of drugs n i wouldnt touch him til he got tested n i about killed him n the nasty ho too n had to beg to stay ..but glad that is ova with but to each his own do we trust each otha no do we love each otha yea