Do any women out there feel like their husband acts more like a father?What do you do?

Question

My husband acts like he is my dad!He wants me to ask before leaving or to spend any money.I'm not a big money spender just so you know.He also want to be treated like my husband"if you know what I mean"But,at the same time I feel like he wants to be my kid.What I mean by that is he wants me to wait on him hand and foot no matter what I am doing.He wants to be before my toddler.Even wants me to get his clothes and hand it to him."even if he is right there.I know its kinda my fault but we have a little one now!Anyone feel the same?

Maybe I should say we have enough money that I shouldn't have to ask to buy a coke.I'm not Allowed to buy ANYTHING without his blessing!Its his money,not ours.

I am only allowed to go to church without his blessing.I don't mind asking if he minds,its just if he don't want me to I can't,or he'll get mad.Talking to him about how I feel is like talking to a wall.He is always right"father"

Answer 1

Okay, I want my husband to tell me before he leaving. This shows respect and it might be more considerate to ask rather than tell. How is he being your father in wanting to know about your plans? You are married and should share your lives. Maybe he wants you to ask in case he had plans or just to show you are considering his feelings. As far as the money - is it you have to ask before spending any money or money on certain things or over a certain amount. Again, maybe he just want to be kept in the loop and have a say in the marriage finances. Do you have a budget? Maybe ask if he will compromise with a budget and you will both stick to it rather than asking, honey, I am hungry for watermellon is it okay if I buy some?

Well, yes he is your husband and should want to be treated that way at times and not just in that way. A man generally does feel responsible for his loved ones. Most women do also. It does not mean he thinks you are incompetent. However, if you cannot accept this try telling him in a non-confrontational, non-blaming way so he doesn't get defensive. The best and most universal advice for effective communications is "I know you don't mean it this way, but when you _________, I feel ______." Be sure to give a specific example and gently bring his attention to it when it happens again. Old habits die hard.

Maybe he is jealous of the baby because he is not allowed to be as active a participant in parenting as he would like. We women tend to be controlling about the manner in which our baby is parented and while we want our husband's help we put limits and instructions on it when they have their own way of parenting. It may not be wrong but it is not the way we want it so it is not acceptable to us.

And you have it right that it is kinda your fault that he expects to be treated like a child. Again, control may be an issue or this may have been your way of expressing interest, affection, caring before and he still wants your interest, affection and caring but this is the only form he recognizes.

Yes, when a little one comes along roles and relationships change and change can be difficult and determining the new roles may be confusing. Try talking together about BOTH of your expectations, new and old, and what ones you are willing to adjust and which ones you are not willing to adjust.

Best wishes.

Answer 2

While it is true that women almost entirely unconsciously choose spouses that have similar traits to their fathers, they do not want men that acts like a father to them. I think there is a huge difference between marrying a man that has similar qualities to ones father and having a husband act like your father. I think it's important that you point out that distinction to him. No woman shold have to wait on their husbands hand and foot like a child nor should she have to ever ask permission. I mean you are a grown independent thinking woman, you don't need his permission. If you wanted someone's permission then you wouldnt have gotten married. You could have simply stayed at your parents home for life and have the same life you're having now. You seriously need to put your foot down before this situation worsens.

As for me, I don't have that problem thankfully

Answer 3

It's no secret that women tend to marry a guy who most reminds them of their father and looks for those traits in a male, even if they hate their father or step-father. The fact that you have a kid will deepen that feeling. So what if he asks you what you're buying? have you ever thought that it's both of your money and he has a right to know what you intend to do with it? maybe he's trying to handle finances and can't do it if you're spending without his knowledge and throwing off the check register? Before YOU spend YOU need to ast yourself: Do i NEED this or WANT it? Can it WAIT? Why am I buying it?

Answer 4

Let him know, sometime when you guys aren't in bed together, that you would be much more responsive to him in bed, if he didn't act like he's your dad. I mean, who wants to "be" with their dad?? yuk!

It gets 'em every time, you have to talk their language.

Answer 5

No, in my case he acted like a child.

Answer 6

you don't have to tell him.
Stop being his maid ---next time he asks for his clothes and he's right next to it just walk away.

Answer 7

my husband calls me constantly when i go places without him and i can't stand that. i usaully turn off my phone and tell him it died. i think he does it to be overprotective.

Answer 8

I left.