How do you get those feelings of love and passion back in a marriage after you have kids and have grown apart?

Question

my husband and I have been married for 5 years now and since we have had a kid i feel we have grown apart. Sometimes I just feel repelled toward him and I dont' know how to fix that. he kisses me and I can't stand it. I dont' know why. and I don't want to feel that way but sometimes all I feel like is I need some attention every now and then and he never gives it to me. he is allways busy doing other things and then when he is horny that is the only time he pays me any mind and now more than ever it is bothering me.

he wants to go on a trip soon just me and him and I want to fix this problem before we go on our trip... maybe it will fix it self but what can I do? I can't just tell him "hey you are repelling me" that wouldn't be right and I don't wanna tell him that. I really don't wanna feel like that. but it just seems like we can't get our MOJO back.

Answer 1

I have BEEN THERE and LIVED THAT! We did emerge on the other side, but it was certainly not a quick fix. It took about 2-3 years of long tearful conversations, expressing my anger, and restructuring my husband's mind for him to get it and for us to emerge. A few things. Have you discussed this with your husband? Communication is key. Men can be thick, and you may just need to tell him how you feel, that you don't want to feel that way, and that you want to be more than a hot hole to get his attention. It took my husband a long time to figure out what I needed emotionally. Many men think that his naked body is an automatic turn on. Men are sight based, and women are emotionally driven. They tend to often think that if they're turned on, we are too- or at least should be by looking at an erection. If our emotional needs are not met, the rest also tends to suffer as a result. Stick with it. You can get through this and your marriage will be better because of it. But it will take a lot of work, and the two of you opening up at a very deep level and getting real about where you are. Keep the TV off in the evenings, and make your relationship a priority. If you are doing it right, it *will* get emotionally worse before it gets better. Understand that, and stick through it. The other side is glorious!

One other note from my husband to you: He says that this is a hard one, but sex under these circumstances can be damaging. I agree, but I am not advocating that you suddenly shut your husband out. I am suggesting that you even discuss this aspect of healing your relationship and decide what is best for your marriage. Some men will look for another place to put it if they're not getting it at home, and I don't know his character or how emotionally tied to sex he is. Women equate love to sex, and men equate sex to love. You need to tread carefully on this point. But discuss it with him.

Answer 2

I have heard many women say that sex is repulsive to them, so don't feel bad. I think it's partly because it's been turned into such a dirty thing rather than an expression of love. Do we really enjoy having that thing rammed into every orifice...I think not...we go through the motions after a while. And men, fantasizing over their porn, etc. etc. what a turn off.

I think after many years of marriage, some women couldn't care less if they ever had sex again, contrary to "Sex in the City" a show created for the benefit of men, and very misleading to what women really want, well at least most decent women.

I don't know what to say to you. Your relationship is a lot more than sex, it's about companionship too, so focus on other things while you are away, but it would be a good time then to talk about your feelings. Don't tell your husband you find him repulsive but the act of sex itself. He might be more understanding than you think. And have some champagne or something you like and get good and woozy...that always helps make the experience a little better.

Answer 3

don't take this the wrong way but have u been checked for post Natal depression? if so , kids take up alot of our time and we forget to give time to our relationships why dont u make 1 night a month get the kids baby sat maybe get a hotel room for the night have a nice dinner together go for a walk then go back to your room & just enjoy yourselves. if u cant afford that just have a canndle light dinner at home some nice music dance a bit just be young & romantic for the night .or try going to a sex shop together play a little ,marriage is very hard when times get hard just think back when it was just u 2 remember why u fell in love , why u got married just encapter those feelings again , hope i have helped you & you take care

Answer 4

Do something new!!! Change your looks, try things you have never tried before, go on a little vacation, go on a picnic and talk! If you need help in opening up, play a game that will get you both to be open and intimate (see link below)

In the bedroom:
Lots of foreplay, use toys and experiment, guys love using toys on a woman, thats the fun of sex is experimenting, and be open to new ideas, you may think it's something you won't like, but in the end it may surprise you.

Try all variations and see what stimulates you most.

You need to be creative to avoid sexual boredom. Try a new location, rent a hotel room, experiment with new positions, buy new lingerie, rent a sexy video, try a hot bath, candles and a massage. Cast your inhibitions to the wind. And then get busy!

Answer 5

If you ask me, it's the dam kids! Those little buggers are the perverbial axe that drives a wedge into all relationships. It divides everything, including attention, money, love, and even sex. It becomes a ever constant reminder of how bad things can get, like cancer. Too bad you can't undo your kids, and I'm willing to bet that when you had your MOJO, you didn't have your kids. It's not your hubby's fault your sex-drive has taken a leap off the Grand Canyon. If anyone should be repulsedby someone it should be him of you.

Answer 6

Think about what brought you 2 together, sometimes going back a little and thinking of some of the things you guy`s did when you first got together brings back that love that your missing. But it has to work both ways if he is only giving you the time of day when you guy`s have sex thats wrong.. He needs a wake up call. Sometimes moms and wives need to get away from kids ,husbands and just take the time to miss what you have. You need some time to yourself and you haven`t had that yet. I give my wife a day off with the kids once a week so she has time for herself. Also on weekends we rotate who sleeps in. Your problem is you need some time to yourself. Just you no kids no husband clear your mind and maybe you can get on with your family. Then again you may think it`s time for a change and move on with your life in a different direction. You just need time to yourself to so you can figure it out. Tell your husband that you want a night away just to clear your head. Take the kid/kids to grandma`s house or have him watch them.. He needs to watch them so he knows what your going threw on a day to day basis. Trust me it`s not easy being a single parent and maybe if he tries to be one for a whole day he`ll know how tuff it is. Don`t make things easy for him if he does this but you don`t want him to call you every 15 or 20 mins either. Good Luck

Answer 7

Sounds like he's planning the trip for the same reason, so you two can reconnect and 'fix' things. Just relax and let the trip be that. If you are both willing to grow closer, then you will.

Answer 8

Marriage - When The Initial Euphoria Is Over

http://yourromanceguide.com/articles/marriage/marriage-when-the-initial-euphoria-is-over.php

Answer 9

I would feel pretty crummy too if my husband only paid attention to me when he was horny. Maybe you should bring that up with him and have an open and honest conversation with him about it. Naturally, if he doesn't treat you as a whole person with feelings, it's incredibly difficult to feel those sparks.

Answer 10

maybe the trip will help. if not maybe your just falling out of love with him or maybe your just stressed and dont realize it.