Should you divorce someone if they are depressed and are not seeking help?

Answer 1

Watch the movie Seabiscuit. Maybe you'll think twice about throwing away your marriage.

Answer 2

Try the book "Love is a Choice". It deals with dependency and co-dependency and the reasons behind them. Depression does fall into the dependency category and you may be enabling him in ways you don't even recognize. If you get healthier the relationship will get healthier even if he won't seek the help he needs, you need to seek help in coping with his depression. That is really only if you are committed to the marriage and want it to work. Even if you don't want to make it work the book may help you come to the decision. Only you can know how much you can take and how much you can't. If you think it is hard on you it is even harder on him. As for someone with depression not seeking help that is not uncommon, but you can do an intervention (as mentioned in "Love is a Choice") or become better equiped to help him without his seeking it. Again, it depends on what you want to invest into the relationship.

I don't agree with the analysis that you should stay to prevent him harming himself. At some point, sick or healthy, each person is ultimately responsible for themselves. But I do feel that this is an illness, would you leave them if they had diabetes or cancer, but were not emotionally capable of accepting the fact or didn't recognize the symptoms so didn't get the treatment they needed?

Answer 3

I've been in that situation for several years, and I don't think you should. It's all I can stand sometimes, but I do it. If I were you, I'd be careful about wishing they'd seek help. Psychiatrists throw brain altering medication at the problem, then they talk. I disagree with that approach, but I won't go into it here. Suffice it to say a person won't deal with mental instability until they realize it's truly up to them. Some even enjoy the sympathy and attention it gives them. If there are no kids involved, and you've had enough, then I say split! It just might be what the doctor ordered for the partner. Some people need a wake up call.

Answer 4

There is no easy answer to this question. I have been in this position, and as much as you want to help the other person, they can really ruin your life if they are in denial about their problems. In my case, everyone else in the family ended up in counseling because my ex-husband was so impossible to live with. Not every depressed person acts sad, or considers hurting themself. In his case, he was angry, hostile, and defensive, alternating with whiny and demanding. Nothing else was important except what was going on with him.
It's very manipulative and a sick way of controlling others through guilt, if you want my frank opinion. I'd urge you to insist that they get help, or say you are getting counseling yourself, and considering a separation. And don't make it an idle threat--do what you need to do. I spent almost five years being treated for depression, and my daughter is still struggling to get over it, all because my ex-husband would not face up to his own issues and problems. I really feel bad for you--it's not an easy thing to deal with.

Answer 5

Are you the reason they are depressed? Seriously,
I don't think depression is a reason for divorce unless
the depression is because of a bad marriage. Try to talk
about it, because it might be something physical causing it. Maybe you have to talk them to wanting help. Best of luck ! That's tough to deal with on either side.

Answer 6

That's not a very good reason by itself, no. You can, however, challenge them to get help and change their behaviour - you don't have to continue living the way things are. It is their choice if they don't want to get help but if it is effecting you then you have a right to stand against that. More importantly though, why are they depressed?? And why don't they want help?? What is really going on for them?? Answers to these questions might take you a long way to finding a solution for both of you.

Answer 7

only u can answer this question. i left my son's father almost 8 yrs ago but not b/c he was depressed but b/c i was (i just didn't know it at the time) after "putting up" w/ my ups & downs for 16 yrs now he is who i thank every day for me being alive b/c about 6 wks ago i hit "rock bottom"-i tried to commit suicide & w/o his care & concern i wouldn't be here tonight. i attempted to seek help b4 but none of the therapists or counselors talk to me or w/ me til a few wks ago-i felt like i was under a microscope & that everything i had said or done was being analyzed. i am w/w a wonderful therapist who has helped me understande my illnesses (pmdd,depression,panic attacks,aniexty, & bi polar disease) & to also realize that these illnesses are caused by chemical imbalances in my brain (which is no fault of my own) & due to heredity. i am on meds & i speak to & w/ my therapist on a weekly basis & am happy to say i see a light at the end of the tunnel & not b/c my end is near but just beginning

Answer 8

NO! I believe somewhere in the vows it says something about for better or worse. This would probably qualify as worse. You need to try and help them get through it, not just bail when times are rough. Dont you think you would just be making things worse for them if you left?? You need to help them get to the root of the problem before you just up and leave.

Answer 9

Perhaps, if they refuse to consider it yes, its a sinking ship without help and will drag you down with it, try everything you can think of to get them to go whether you stay or not. Perhaps leaving though is the thing that finally makes them realize they have a problem and need help.

Answer 10

yes. had a friend that had to deal. life gets really ugly when you're carrying an emotional load like that... you can't help the person until they're ready to seek help. and you have the right to live your own life.