My best friends mother in law is completely taking over her wedding planning. She invited a bunch of HER friends to the rehearsal dinner (that my friend doesn’t even know). She told the musicians to be there on Sunday, when she knew the rehearsal was Saturday. She wants to pick the music they play. She changed the main cake after my friend had already picked it, picked the photographer (when she knew my friend didnt want one), changed the minister to someone who’s not even licensed in Ohio,and she cries to her son (my friends fiance) when everything doesn’t go her way. The wedding is 3 weeks from Sunday. WHAT SHOLD MY FRIEND DO?
She also bought my friend some very tacky and inapproiate lingerie for her bridal shower in which all of her friends, family and church memebers were present for.
2006-08-10 15:53:17 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The only thing's she paying for is the rehearsal dinner which may or may not even happen.
2006-08-10 16:06:57 · update #1
She was also not included in any of the planning (except the RD), she just decided to do it on her own without telling my friends family
2006-08-10 16:09:55 · update #2
Most people don't understand subtle. I'd start with "Listen, be'atch." Then I'd get nasty. That ought to get the point across.
2006-08-10 16:06:46 · answer #1 · answered by daspook19 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have a HORRIBLE mother in law, and trust me, this will more than likely be the way things go from now on. My mother in law pulled pretty much all of the same stuff at my wedding, and much much worse.
Just explain to her, or better yet, have her son explain to her that it is in fact NOT her wedding. However, if the mother in law is the one paying for these things you don't really get too much of a vote. Stop including her in things such as guest list planning and cake buying, if she isn't around when these things are going on there's less of a chance she can meddle in them.
Other than that, just ignore her. Don't get nasty or stoop to her level though. I have applied the "kill them with kindness" method. Even though it hasn't changed her behavior it makes me look better, and it also gives me the satisfaction of knowing that she can't turn me into someone I'm not. I know that I conduct myself respectfully, regardless of how she chooses to behave.
2006-08-10 16:04:22 · answer #2 · answered by happymommy24 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you are meddling too. You both mean well, but the road to he** is paved with good intentions. My only suggestion would be ask the mother-in-law out to lunch. Express how you appreciate all her thoughtfulness and hard work. Try something like "you have been so wonderful in trying to help and make the wedding extra special. I know you have more knowledge about weddings and such. I also know you did a wonderful job raising your son and instilled good taste in him so what WE had our heart set on for the wedding would not be inappropriate. Because of your guidance we are able to make our own decisions and are going to have the wedding our way. If you are upset then I apologize for that is not my intention. Your advice is always welcome, however, it is OUR wedding and WE would like to make the final decisions together."
Being polite and telling someone off are contradictions. Yet, you can be polite and tell someone how you feel. Don't be accusatory, just "I know you mean well and I appreciate it, but when you ___________ I feel ____(left out / like you think I am not capable / like I am not respected)________."
2006-08-10 16:19:08 · answer #3 · answered by Jill M 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I don't think it's a very wise idea to tell a future mother-in-law off. If his mother is paying for any of the services for the wedding, I feel she has every right to change them, but certainly should consult with your friend to make sure it's ok. It appears as though the mother-in-law is not liking the fact that her son is marrying this woman, but she needs to just suck it up and deal with it. What good would it do to tell of the future mother-in-law? It can only make things worse, and your friend is marrying into the family so she will be dealing with this woman for the rest of her life. Your friend needs to just suck it up, or be an adult about it, sit down and talk to the mother and tell her how this is affecting her. If she approaches her in a hostile manner, it will never end up good.
2006-08-10 16:03:09 · answer #4 · answered by Rexy 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Her fiance needs to step in, if he whimpers and does nothing, your friend should call the wedding off. It is a good example of what her future life will be with her husband and her mother-in-law. It will get worse when kids are in the picture.
2006-08-10 17:01:26 · answer #5 · answered by Bobbi S 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Gee...she sounds like the proverbial bad mother-in-law.
Her son, your friend's fiance, should put his foot DOWN, now and not later. How dare she stick her nose so far into your friend's affairs? If her son does not do something now, this problem will only escalate.
2006-08-10 15:59:17 · answer #6 · answered by rrrevils 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell her to get with her future husband and tell him this. If he sees no problem with it then she has a problem.
It really all depends upon the relationship he has with his mother. This is the perfect time to find out who comes first, her or her mother.
If he sides with mom then she really has a problem.
2006-08-10 16:11:05 · answer #7 · answered by John B 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She's not married yet, right? She needs to GET OUT NOW! This will never change, if she thinks this is the end of her mother-in-law trying to take over, she's wrong.
GET OUT, GET OUT, GET OUT! NOW! LIFE WITH THIS PERSON WILL ONLY BRING MISERY AND PAIN!!!!!!!!!!
Am I stating this strongly enough?
GET OUT! RUN! RUN FAST, RUN FAR!!!!!!!!!!
2006-08-10 16:02:47 · answer #8 · answered by You'll Never Outfox the Fox 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
dont know yet , still trying to figure that one out when you do let me know lol im married for 10 years now.
2006-08-10 16:01:02 · answer #9 · answered by lmcm1975 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
who needs to be polite about it just say what you want
2006-08-10 16:17:11 · answer #10 · answered by t_ibrahim 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋